


Passionate Flame

by DiscordantMemory



Series: Song of Embers [2]
Category: Senki Zesshou Symphogear
Genre: Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Abuse, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Purposeful Untranslatable Joke (It's Bad), Scars, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 05:41:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 48,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21010649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiscordantMemory/pseuds/DiscordantMemory
Summary: Time has passed for the two, and there is still much to learn, both about themselves and about each other.  Amidst the happiness swirls confusion, fueling questions and worry in each of their hearts.  A flame ignites deep in their souls, but the world is rarely content to leave well enough alone.The second part of the Song of Embers.  While this can be read relatively easily as its own work, some of the context may be confusing without reading the first part (Spark and Tinder).  I would like to make an aside to say that this was a massive pain to rate, since the sexual content is only about one half of a chapter, but simply rating it "Mature" felt off, so I left it as unrated.  For those out there who prefer not having such content in their reading, I will have a note attached to the front of the chapter, and that section of the chapter can be safely skipped with minimal context loss.





	1. Summer's End

_Blazing heat fades into cool air, signaling the change of seasons. We slowly meander down our uncertain path while the changes in her heart are subtle…_

The gusting wind is cool, heralding the beginning of autumn. My light violet eyes gaze upon the city below, my weight supported by the guard rail I lean against. This viewpoint is precious, and I find myself here when I have free time in the city, a rarity. Over the past two months, I rarely spent my free hours alone, let alone away from Lydian Music Academy. My _raison d’être**[1]**_ resides there, though she is away for personal training today. A faint pang of loneliness rises in my heart, but I do not dread the emotion. Loneliness is an old companion, one that I learned to resist years ago, before finding my place in the world. A new emotion overshadows the others, one that I never imagined would resound so strongly within me, and everything I am resonates with it: love. Love for her, my precious one, my irreplaceable comrade, my beloved. This very spot is where the current _us_ began, and I treasure the scenery.

“Chris!” Her voice sings in my ears, and my gaze shifts toward the long staircase as Hibiki mounts the final step, her breathing slightly elevated from her rapid ascent. Her brown hair in its usual state of partial disarray, her gold-brown eyes shine with enthusiasm, and her smile is bright and pure. That bright, pure smile is everything I wish to protect, what I cherish most in this world. Adorned in simple long sleeves and pants, Hibiki’s attire anticipates the coming season. I extend my hand, inviting her to share the view. Her pace slower, Hibiki comes to my side, her hand nervously coming to rest in mine. We enjoy the scene for a few quiet minutes before she speaks, her tone curious. “You really like this place, don’t you?”

“I do.” My eyes remain fixed into the distance, but I gently squeeze Hibiki’s hand in response. “This place is where my dreams became reality. I will always remember what happened here, even if the day comes when we can no longer be together.” My smile is slight, but my heart fills with warmth at the memory. “You accepted me. You chose to try to understand my emotions, rather than simply reject me and move on. Nothing has ever made me happier.” Turning my head, I meet her thoughtful, considering gaze. “These memories will always be joyful, even if you don’t come to understand and leave my side. You gave me a chance, and that’s all that matters.”

Hibiki averts her gaze back into the distance, her expression gloomy. She dislikes my attitude regarding our current relationship, that I accept the possibility that she may leave me someday. My greatest wish is to remain by her side, but if Hibiki does not wish the same, then I will honor her wish. Of course, this also hinders our progress. Her lips entice me constantly, and the memories of her taut, muscular body haunt my idle moments. However, any move I make could potentially be what drives us apart, and I cherish Hibiki too much to do anything that would satisfy only myself. If we decide to take those steps, then we will take them together, as a couple.

I press into Hibiki’s side, resting my head on her shoulder as I grasp her upper arm with my unoccupied hand. She tenses but relaxes a few moments later. Normally, being close to someone like this would be uncomfortable, but Hibiki is Hibiki. Being with her like this used to be only a fantasy, a dream I longed for, but was convinced would never become a reality. Receiving my affection puts her off-balance, yet she allows my actions, often asking for clarification on my emotions and thoughts. Hibiki puts a great deal of effort into understanding my love, and what she means to me.

“Gloom doesn’t suit you.” I gently chastise her while basking in her warmth. “You need to maintain that idiotic positivity of yours.” Hibiki sighs at my harsh words, and she receives a warm laugh in return. Affection coats my words when I reassure her. “I love you most when you’re smiling, but I still love you even when you’re like this.” I nervously tighten my grip on her hand. “Hibiki, I appreciate everything you have done for me, everything you’re doing, but right now, believing that you will not leave me someday is difficult. Please, be patient, and continue being yourself.” I raise my head from her shoulder as she faces me, her free hand resting on my shoulder.

“Chris…” Hibiki’s eyes flit away from mine, but she quickly meets my gaze once more, determination mixing with nervousness. “What can I do to help you understand that I’m serious about this, that, to me, understanding you is the most important thing right now?” Still looking up into her eyes, only a few centimeters higher than mine, I smile.

“You don’t need to do anything.” Closing my eyes, I nuzzle into her chest, taking in her scent and warmth. “I know how serious you are, and I’m very happy that I’m so important to you-”

“That isn’t enough.” Hibiki’s gentle touch on my cheek stops me short, and I pull away from her to meet her eyes. “You tell me that all the time, but your mentality about this never changes.” She bites her lower lip, betraying her nervousness. “Chris, whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.” Images flash through my mind, but I dismiss them all. I shake my head in response, and Hibiki’s expression falls.

Raising slightly onto my toes, I release Hibiki’s hand to embrace her, pulling her close to speak softly in her ear. “What I want is for _us_ to take these steps together, and only when _we_ are ready.” Hibiki softly embraces me in return, and I relax as her arms envelop me. I sigh contentedly before continuing. “Doing something to prove a point has no meaning. You have to want it, like I do, otherwise it won’t be a good memory for us.” Leaves rustled by occasional gusts of wind generate the only sound for several minutes. I listen to Hibiki’s heartbeat during the silence between us, its steady rhythm calming me.

“What should I do, Chris?” Hibiki’s pained voice snaps my attention back to her, so I quickly push back from her enough to see her face. On the verge of tears, she reveals her struggles. “I’m working hard at this, but I never make any progress. You say these things like I should understand what comes next, but I don’t. I need your help, Chris.” She hangs her head in defeat. “I’m an idiot, like you always say. I thought I could do this on my own. I thought I might be able to understand and bring you the happiness you deserve. I have been very stupid this whole time, just because I decided to be stubborn.” Hibiki raises her eyes to mine, pleading, “Please, help me understand what I need to do.”

“Kiss me.” My instant response startles Hibiki. Expressions roll across her face, broadcasting her rapidly shifting emotions as she struggles to respond. I place a finger against her lips, just as I have done before, and my other hand rests against her cheek. “Let me finish, idiot.” Smiling reassuringly, I trace her soft lips as I assist my idiot in her endeavor. “Think about kissing me for a while. Imagine it and listen to your heart.” I lower my hand from her lips to place it over her heart. “Your emotions won’t lie to you, though it may take a while to sort through everything.” I allow some of my desire to surface, to show Hibiki how serious I am. “Honestly, I have wanted to kiss you for a while. Your lips tempt me constantly, but I hold myself back because I don’t think _I_ should be the one to initiate that step.” She is shocked by my confession, so I gently caress her cheek with my thumb to reassure her. “Hibiki, I will say it again: I only want to move forward if you want to as well. Your kissing me will be the start of everything, but it is _your_ choice to make. I can’t... _won’t_… make that choice for you, no matter how much I want it.”

Hibiki sinks into her thoughts, still gently embracing me while she considers my proposal. These simple acts cause my love for her to remain strong. Her love remains different from mine, but she does not pull away when I embrace her, and she often allows me to remain for lengthy periods of time. I bask in her warmth for a short while longer before pulling away, saying “Let’s go home. It will be better to think where you’re comfortable.” Hibiki nods in agreement, still quiet and occupied with her thoughts.

We hold hands during most of the return walk to Lydian but release them once we are closer. Doing this is my suggestion. While I love Hibiki with my entire being, creating rumors about us is counterproductive. Adding additional pressure will only hinder her efforts to understand me, and I will not permit my selfishness to harm Hibiki in any way. I have already done so once before, and I refuse to allow it again. This is part of the reason I relish our time together outside of Lydian. There are fewer eyes that could recognize us, and passerby tend to keep to themselves. We will part ways once we reach the dorms, so I briefly hug Hibiki when I see that the area is clear. My heart is warm when I leave her side, and my thoughts never waver from her for the remainder of my waking hours.

[1] For those unfamiliar with the term, _raison d’être_ is a French phrase meaning “reason for being or existence”.


	2. Striking Sparks

_Images and thoughts swirl in my mind, both of her, and of me. Happiness seems far out of reach, but I now have a goal, something I can work toward…_

After parting from Chris, I return to my room, where my mind wanders to places I never imagined. _“Kiss me.”_ When she said that, my eyes strayed to her lips, curved upward in a small smile, one that she only wore when she was around me. My mind blank, I struggled to respond before her gentle touch on my lips silenced my efforts. I softly touch my lips, tracing them as Chris had. During that short period of contact, I felt what she desires because of her love for me but will never act on without knowing for certain what _I_ want, also because of her love. I now understand more of what I mean to Chris, but that knowledge also scares me.

To Chris, I am everything, and the only thing, she wants right now. However, she loves me deeply enough to resist her desires, allowing _me_ to choose how our relationship progresses. That responsibility weighs heavy on my heart and mind, since it means that _I_ hold the power to decide whether Chris’ greatest wish will ever come true. Holding that much influence with another person terrifies me, even more so when that person is my most important friend, the one I wish to understand, and wish will forever be happy. Seating myself on my bed, a faint ache in my muscles reminds me of my earlier training.

I pushed myself hard today. Master was surprised, and he only increased the regimen to match my vigor. If only my energy today had come from a desire to train, and not a desire to vent my frustration with myself. I love Chris dearly as a friend but loving her in any other way is difficult to imagine. I struggle with the concept constantly, and her limitless patience confuses me. My lack of progress finally forced me to confront her, especially since she still believes that I will leave her one day.

Chris believes this is a temporary situation, one she has convinced herself will end if she acts on her desires. In truth, she may be right about that part. I said that I would do whatever she asked, but if she was serious about kissing her at that time, or if she kissed me… I may not have reacted well. My heart is confused about many aspects of our relationship as it is now, and my lack of experience does not improve our situation. Romantic love appears often in manga, anime, novels and the like, but that love is usually between two people of opposite genders. Being loved by another girl is something I never considered until Chris confessed to me.

Once I thought about it, I started to understand the amount of pressure that Chris was under, the fears she still holds in her heart. Ever since then, my understanding stalled. Now, however, I have a goal, and instructions from my important friend on how to reach it. “_Think about kissing me for a while. Imagine it and listen to what your heart tells you._” Chris’ fears will only start to ease once I kiss her, but it must be because I want it as well. I lie back on my bed, closing my eyes as I let the images flow through my mind.

Chris’ face appears first, her beautiful, scarred face. Being around her as much I am has numbed my awareness of her scars, but the stares she attracts when we go out together bother me. I sweep those thoughts aside for another time. I imagine her violet eyes as I saw them today: gentle and overflowing with the love in her heart. She closes them, awaiting me, trusting me with all of herself. My mental self takes her shoulders with gentle hands before leaning in and… My brain overheats, and my eyes snap open as I groan in frustration. _How do other people manage this?_ My heart races, and my breathing is shallow and quick. _Is this how I’m supposed to feel?_ I asked Tsubasa-san for advice before, but I must do this on my own. Chris said to listen to my heart, but it has so much to say right now: anxiety, embarrassment, and much more. I know some of what I feel is positive, but it seems buried deep under my frustration and nerves.

I try to focus on other subjects for the rest of the night but fail miserably. Chris’ face pops into my mind often, and my focus is on her lips, ever curved into her small, warm smile. I eventually decide to sleep on the matter, since my waking hours have been fruitless. I am greeted by my friend there, too. She draws me into her arms, standing just slightly on tiptoe as she always does. In my dream, Chris reassures me, speaking softly into my ear. She tells me to take my time, to think about everything carefully and seriously, since she will wait for me, no matter how long it takes. Anything that comes after is lost in the void.

I awaken feeling reassured, but one thought stands out above the rest: I need to hurry. Chris has waited long enough, and I cannot keep her waiting indefinitely. I spend much of my free time over the next several days imagining that kiss and attempting to sort through my feelings. Chris seeks me out in her spare time, of course, and I set the thoughts aside when she is with me. While at Lydian, she is very subtle with her affection. She tells me it is to avoid causing rumors to spread, and I appreciate her caution. Trying to explain our relationship would be very hard for me, and I now realize, thanks to Chris’ explanation, that there are people who might harass us because of it. The weekend comes and goes once more with minimal progress, and I sink into a mire of discouragement and sorrow.

All my spare time, and some of my not-so-spare time, is devoted to my task after that. I listen to my heart while I think, searching its depths for some sign of my true emotions. I never manage to imagine Chris and I kissing, but my emotions and embarrassment suggest plenty, that I consider her important enough to feel embarrassed, rather than disturbed, by the idea. Whether that means I understand her love any better, I cannot say, and that fact worries me. Asking Chris for additional advice helps little, since she says that she wants to avoid influencing my decision with anything she suggests. Perhaps that is for the best, since I am prone to helping others without thinking the situation through. However, I start losing sleep because of my mental predicament, and I frequently slip into a daze if I am not careful.

A knock at my door snaps me from my thoughts, and I wonder who it might be as I stand to answer. Tsubasa-san visits me less often, Master prefers to avoid notice around the school, and Chris avoids personal intrusions when she knows I need to think. Opening the door reveals Chris, her scarred features nervous and tense, and I cannot hide my surprise. “Chris?” She nods, warily watching the hall for passerby. “Don’t be nervous, come in.” I step aside, and Chris quickly enters, nearly pushing past me in her haste. “What’s-” Her embrace pushes me into the now-closed door, and tension leaves her body.

“I’m sorry.” Chris’ actions are surprising, but nothing she should apologize for. I tell her so, and she shakes her head against my chest. “No, I must apologize for this. I wanted to give you space, so that I wouldn’t disturb your thoughts, but” Her hands tighten on my uniform, “I failed. We didn’t meet over the weekend, and I missed this.” Chris presses into me, defeat coloring her quiet words. “I’m a failure, worthless. Even one week without this is enough to push me to ignore your space, ignore everything you’re doing for me, just to satisfy myself.” Emotion thickens her voice, a tone I recognize and wished to never hear again. Embracing her in return fails to halt her tears, and she cries quietly, my chest muffling her sobs.

_There must be something I can do for her._ That thought triggers an avalanche of ideas, but none of them seem worthwhile. We already go out together on weekends, excepting the most recent, spending time where it is just the two of us. During that time together, Chris has more freedom to act on her desires, and doing so calms her. I enjoy seeing her like that, free from her worries, and I do not hate when she embraces me, or presses against me as she is now. I cherish her happiness, and if that is what is required for her to be happy, then I will gladly do so for my friend. A sudden revelation hits me, and I mentally kick myself for being the idiot I am. _That’s been the problem this whole time. I cherish Chris as a friend, but I can no longer be only that for her to be truly happy._ My heartbeat thuds in my ears, and I steel my resolve.

Every fiber of my being screams that what I am about to do is crazy. Ignoring it, I move my hands to Chris’ shoulders, gently pushing her a short distance away from me. Her tear-filled eyes rise to meet mine, confusion apparent in her voice as she speaks. “Hibiki?” My mouth is suddenly dry as my nerves kick in, and my heart crashes against my ribcage. Time dilates over the next few seconds as my brain absorbs everything. Chris’ face is so close, and she is so beautiful, even with tears and sorrow painting her features. Her eyes pull at me, begging me to lose myself, to drown in them forever. I tear my gaze away, only to have my eyes come to rest on her lips. My vision tunnels to that single feature, and I lose awareness of my surroundings for a moment, just a single moment, where Chris’ lips are the only thing that matters in existence. I shake the feeling off and return my attention to Chris’ face.

“Chris, it’s alright.” I rest a hand on her soft, smooth cheek, and she nuzzles into it, closing her eyes as she enjoys the sensation. Touching her face is not something I do often, since I become too conscious of her scars, and Chris takes advantage whenever I do. I admit, doing this right now is a distraction, but it also helps with grounding myself. This will change everything, and I can no longer hesitate. While she is distracted, my lips meet hers, and my emotions whirl. _Her lips are soft._ That single thought dominates my mind as I close my eyes, remaining for a short moment before pulling away. Opening my eyes reveals a very startled, and flushed, Chris. My face is aflame as well, if the heat in my cheeks is any indication.

“I finally figured it out.” My voice trembles slightly with elation and nerves. “I was thinking about everything wrong. I still thought of you as a friend, when our relationship right now is more than that.” Attempting to steady my shaking hands ends in failure, so I take Chris’ in mine as I nervously continue explaining. “I realized, just now, that I need to be _more_ than a friend for you. I realized that, right now, what I need to be is… your girlfriend.” Saying that is a massive shock to my system, yet I press on, heedless of my reeling thoughts and emotions. “I messed everything up. I was ignorant of how much responsibility I accepted; how much this means to you.” Chris remains quiet while I speak, surprise and shock dominating her features. Pressure builds behind my eyes, heralding tears, so I tightly embrace Chris to hide them. “Chris, I’m so sorry. I have been doing a terrible job for these past two months, but I finally understand.” Tears spill from my eyes as I confess what I finally recognize deep in my heart. “I think I love you. Not like I did before, but as you love me. It took me a while to get here, but I want you to be happy.” I tighten my embrace a little as my emotions overflow. “Being with you these past two months taught me a lot, and your joy is so important to me.” Releasing my hold, I push Chris back to a more comfortable distance. “Just as my smile is important to you, I love seeing you happy. You have endured so much, Chris, so if I am enough to make you happy, then I will gladly stay with you.”

Chris remains quiet for a couple minutes; the only sound I hear is my heartbeat pounding in my ears. _Did I not say the right thing? Did I mess up and say it wrong?_ My worry must have shown on my face, for Chris smiles her small smile as she reaches up the short distance to cup my face in her hands. “Hibiki, you mean it? Everything you said?” I nod vigorously in response, and she chuckles quietly. “I see. You know, I really am serious about being with you and staying at your side.” Chris caresses my cheek as she speaks. “Even if you never came to love me, if you allowed me the small joy of staying by your side, I would have been content.” Her eyes darken a little, but her words still ring with truth. “It would have been very difficult for me, but I swore to never act on my desires unless you shared them, as well. Hibiki, _that_ is how much I love and cherish you. If you wished for it, I would have gone my entire life without ever going beyond what we had.”

“Chris, how can you say that?” My heart cracks under the weight of her words. “How could you possibly find joy if you deny yourself everything?”

“I would have you,” Chris embraces me, her tone calm and loving, “my Hibiki, my lovable idiot, all to myself. That thought alone fills my heart with warmth, and I would gladly resist anything to remain at your side. Now, however,” Her eyes meet mine as she gives herself a small amount of space, “I don’t have to deny _all_ of those urges.” Something unfamiliar fills her gaze as she rests a trembling hand against my cheek. “May I?” I simply nod, lowering my lips to hers as she lifts herself to mine.

We stay like that for a time. How long, I cannot guess, as time seems to stop. It must have been short, but my focus is consumed by Chris and the feeling of her lips pressing softly against mine. She wanted this for so long, yet she held back for my sake. Someone’s heart is racing, and it is difficult to tell whose. After those few moments, she releases our kiss, her slight hesitation betraying her reluctance. Slightly out of breath due to excitement, and forgetting to breathe, I pull Chris close, cherishing her warmth and basking in my love for her. “I love you. Stay with me?” Chris’ answering laugh is warm and bright.

“You say that like I wasn’t already planning to do so.” Chris reluctantly pushes away from me, and I let her go. “I should be going. If I stay here any longer, I won’t want to leave.” Her small smile warms my heart, and I step away from the door. “Good night, Hibiki.” I give her a small wave, unable to find my voice. Now alone in my room, my brain screams at me. Kissing Chris like that… I still think it was crazy to do that out of nowhere. Giddy after Chris’ departure, I have a difficult time falling asleep that night, and once I do, my dreams are full of Chris, the girl I have come to love, and who loves me in return.


	3. Ignition

_Sparks find purchase, and a small flame arises. Burning softly, it grows stronger, filling my heart with warmth at the thought of her…_

New discoveries await me every moment of the passing days leading to the weekend. The first is my eagerness to see Chris during our breaks between classes and lunch. While I always enjoy being with her, I never awaited her presence so impatiently before. I practically fly out of my seat at the beginning of every break, startling my friends. They are not used to seeing me this way, especially since I am relatively subdued since Miku’s death six months ago. While my prowess for secrets is less than ideal, I manage to deflect their inquiries well enough, saying that Chris is waiting for me. By now, her presence around me has become the norm, and no one really questions why. They know that Chris played a large part in helping me recover after losing Miku and are grateful for her efforts. Chris is still slightly nervous around my other friends but is slowly able to relax around them.

My second, and most startling, discovery is that I watch Chris constantly while we are together. Every small movement, every expression she makes is vastly important to me, and I wonder whether this is what it was like for Chris, at the beginning. At the time, I thought her quickly averted gaze strange, but never thought too deeply about it. Now, I understand that she caught herself staring, only realizing it once our eyes met, since I find myself doing the same.

During the half-day before the weekend, we decide to spend a little more time together after classes end. Chris waits at the gate to the school, where I arrive winded, having run here after I was scolded for being inattentive during class. Unable to explain myself well, I received extra work on top of my usual schoolwork, but I shake off my glumness as I smile in response to Chris’ wave. Since we are still on Lydian grounds, Chris wears her usual angry mask, which sharpens the effect of her facial scars, yet I still think she is beautiful. “Chris!” Hugging her is my foremost thought, but I manage, barely, to restrain myself. Instead, I take her arm, ignoring her surprised outburst as I pull her along with me. We made no plans for today, and I prefer it this way.

Once clear of Lydian, Chris manages to halt my progress. “Hibiki, stop!” Grinding to a halt, I face Chris, confused. Her arm still linked in mine, she seems worried, and I cannot understand why. She steps closer, examining my face and searching my eyes for whatever she thinks may be there. “Are you alright?” Chris’ concern snaps me back to reality, and I realize my foolishness. Absorbed in my own happiness, I bulldozed through Chris’ protests and cautions as I dragged her along with me. Reluctantly, I release her arm and avert my gaze, hanging my head in shame.

“I’m sorry, Chris. I was so happy about this that I… didn’t really think before I acted.” I clench my fists to stave off my frustration. “I never felt _anything_ like this before. I still have trouble believing that just _thinking_ of another person can cause me to act like this, but I have so much fun around you that I can’t help myself…” Chris’ gentle touch on my chin redirects my eyes to hers, and I let the thought trail off. Her smile is reassuring, and her tone is gentle and loving.

“Idiot, I never said that you needed to apologize. I was only concerned that you might not be feeling well.” Chris gazes long into my eyes, and I feel that urge to drown myself in her violet ones again. “Your wellbeing is very important, and, while having you return my love is amazing, we still need to walk this path carefully.” Her thoughts seem to turn inward as she continues speaking. “Having our relationship torn apart by those unnecessarily involved would be terrible, and, at this point, losing you like that would cripple me.” Lowering her hand from my chin, Chris takes my hands in hers, intertwining her fingers with mine. “Hibiki, being in love with you makes me so, so happy, but I still worry. I worry that we will be discovered, that others will oppose us and tear us apart.” She meets my eyes as concern and anxiety fill my heart. “Now that you return my love, _that_ is what I fear most. Our path is trying, but” She flashes me a small, warm smile, “with you by my side, I believe we can handle anything the world throws at us.”

“Chris…” Her confidence in me, and herself, goes beyond anything I expect. I struggle to hold back tears, shame welling in my heart. “I don’t think I deserve that much faith. My heart is weak and scarred, and I worry that anything I do for you won’t be enough, that you will never be truly happy.” A few rebellious tears manage to slip through my defenses, but I ignore them. Chris is the only one that matters right now. “Now that I know I love you; I realize that I haven’t thought this through at all. I never consider what others might think of us, I just do whatever I want, and I might hurt you because of my selfishness.” Closing my eyes to avoid meeting my girlfriend’s gaze, I shake my head against the fears crawling through my mind. “Chris, I can’t allow my recklessness to hurt you-”

Soft warmth halts my words, and my eyes snap open to discover Chris, eyes closed and lips pressing softly against mine. Tossing aside any stray thoughts, I close my eyes once more, lost in the sensation of her lips as we enjoy our own private world, though it only lasts a moment. Out of breath, I pull away, panting. Chris breathes quicker than usual, yet she manages to recover before me. “We’re both stupid in different ways, idiot.” Her mischievous smirk softens the impact of her words as she entwines her arm in mine. “I fell in love with _you_, the biggest idiot I know. If that doesn’t mean I’m stupid in some way, I really want to know what qualifies for idiocy these days.”

“That hurts, you know.” False offense colors my tone. Chris chuckles in return.

“Someone needs to keep you grounded. It may as well be me.” Glancing around, she plants another brief kiss on my lips once she is satisfied the area is mostly clear. “Come on, let’s go, my lovable idiot.” Laughing at the contrast of her typical harsh words and her loving tone, I allow Chris to pull me along. Asking where she is headed, I receive only “You’ll see” in return. Surprises are unlike Chris, and her evasive attitude piques my interest. I expect her to lead me to the overlook where I answered her confession, but she doesn’t head there, much to my surprise. Having my only expectation shattered, I walk along with no guess about where we are headed, still linked arm-in-arm with Chris.

“Um, Chris? Why are we in the shopping district?” My confusion is warranted. Chris rarely buys anything beyond necessities, so being led here is what I least expect. My gaze falls on her, and she averts her eyes as she answers.

“I wanted to look at a few things, maybe see if I can find something I like.” Chris shuffles her feet nervously while she thinks. “Will you help me out? I’m no good at this and having your opinion will mean a lot.” Personally, I think Chris manages to pick her own clothing out well enough, but she _is_ asking for my help… Eager to make up for my earlier blunder, I agree, receiving a relieved sigh and smile from Chris. “Thank you. Come on, I don’t want this to take too long.”

Several stores later, Chris has yet to buy anything, even though she tried on several outfits that I thought looked very good on her. Granted, I may be biased at this point, but I honestly think Chris is beautiful, regardless. While slightly shorter than me, her body is proportioned well, other than the blessing of her well-endowed chest. I avoid suggestions that show her cleavage, since I am unsure how Chris will react to wearing revealing clothing. The scars on her right shoulder and chest are worse than the ones on her face, and she draws enough unwanted attention already. I carefully keep watch whenever she changes, ensuring that no one sees her scars. Keeping watch also occupies my mind, focusing my thoughts away from Chris’ body. Falling in love with her changed how I look at her and seeing her unclothed could be… bad. Chris’ exhausted sigh brings me back to the present, and I quickly turn my attention to her.

“Do you want to head back?” She shakes her head, but I can tell this outing has been tiring for her. Unsure of what her exact goal is, I can only walk beside her and offer suggestions. Scanning the area, I spot a good place to sit and rest. “Why don’t we take a short rest? You look tired.”

“I’m alright.” Her eyes meet mine, and I hold firm, never wavering from her gaze. Sighing, she relents. “Fine, we’ll do this your way. You’re paying for the drinks, since this was your suggestion.” Smiling happily, I lead Chris to sit and run to buy drinks. Truthfully, neither of us really suffer from issues related to money, thanks to the generous salary we earn from working for Section 2. Being closely guarded secret weapons _does_ tend to work in our favor occasionally. I return to Chris, handing her drink over before seating myself beside her. One long drink later, I sigh contentedly while leaning back and closing my eyes.

Chris’ hand in mine causes me to smile slightly, eyes still closed to the outside world. Small moments like this are what helped me fall in love with her. Twining my fingers with hers, I gently squeeze, showing that I accept her. Opening my eyes, I notice that Chris still faces forward, a light blush tinting her cheeks red. Normally, Chris avoids showing her affection in crowded areas, but she must appreciate my help a lot to be doing even something this subtle. “Sorry that I can’t be more helpful.” I feel the apology is necessary, yet Chris shakes her head.

“No, you shouldn’t apologize for this.” Chris scans the crowd as she speaks. “Having you here is very helpful, and you have surprisingly good taste.” Before I can decide whether I should be offended, she meets my gaze. “Thank you for coming with me today.”

“Do you want to head back?” Knowing how Chris is, I ask expecting an affirmative, but she surprises me again.

“No, I want to look around a while longer.” Her voice becomes quiet enough that I barely catch her next words. “I haven’t found it, yet.” Chris probably didn’t mean for me to hear that, so I avoid asking her what she means, though my brain shifts into overdrive thinking about it. She is obviously looking for something specific but refuses to tell me exactly what. After finishing our drinks, we head to a couple more stores, where our combined efforts are fruitless once more. Walking into the third store after our rest, I stop mid-stride, eyes locked onto an outfit.

_This is the one._ The dress’ design is simple, but I feel it would accent Chris perfectly. A simple cream dress with crimson embroidery along the hem, sleeves and bust line. It is neither flashy or overly simple, but it has one drawback: it would reveal more of Chris’ cleavage and shoulders than I feel is comfortable. Not an excessive amount, of course, but just enough that I worry about how much of her scarring would be visible. Even taking that into account, I have difficulty tearing my gaze away until Chris comes to my side. “What is it?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t mind me.” Chris examines the dress briefly, turning away when I stay silent. Trailing after her, I regret not saying anything. After trying on a few more outfits, Chris declares that she is finally irritated enough to head back. “No luck today, huh?” I fall into step beside her, and she leans into me slightly as we walk.

“I think I’m not really suited for this type of thing. I don’t know how other women can spend so much time around clothing and not go insane.” Her complaints only receive laughter in return, and she glares up at me. “Oh, shut up, idiot. _You_ didn’t try anything on, either.”

“I just wanted to help you look for something, Chris. Having you rely on me makes me really happy.” Her cheeks redden as her glare intensifies, but her anger soon fades. She sighs loudly as she takes my arm in hers.

“The things you say sometimes… Fine, I forgive you for laughing at me, but _only_ because I love you.” Chris nestles in closer to me, and I become more conscious of her warmth. Having her next to me like this makes me giddy, so restraining myself is difficult. My emotions have frequently driven my actions before, but I need to be more careful when it comes to my love for Chris. She often reminds me that we need to be careful, and I understand her caution. Even when she clings to me like this, she never remains that way for long unless we are well away from Lydian and crowds. Sure enough, she releases her hold on my arm a few minutes later, though I sense her reluctance in the way her fingertips brush against my sleeve, as if trying to extend the amount of time she touches me.

We part ways upon returning to Lydian, Chris saying she needs to attend to something before leaving me to walk back to my room alone. Once inside, I lean against the closed door, sighing heavily as my heart slows its rapid pace. I really wanted another kiss but doing that on campus is not a good idea. Shaking my head, I wonder at my own thoughts. Just a few days ago, I found the idea of kissing Chris nearly unimaginable. Now, I crave the touch of her lips against mine, the sensation of her warmth and love projected through that intimate action. Touching my lips, I remember the one we shared earlier today, when I let my emotions run amok. I calmed almost instantly the moment I recognized what was happening, the world fading out as Chris became my only focus. At this rate, it may be _me_ that drives Chris away with my excessive affection. _Well, at least I don’t hold back when it comes to what is important to me._

Reluctantly, I focus on my schoolwork, pushing thoughts of Chris aside to finish the extra work I was assigned earlier, which is a common occurrence for me, unfortunately. I am easily distracted by my thoughts and my habit of helping anyone, or anything, I can when I can. A couple hours later, my fatigued mind begs for a distraction, and a soft knock on my door grants my wish. I stand slowly, careful not to fall on semi-numb legs, and answer. Chris awaits on the other side, and she seems nervous. “Chris? Is everything alright? You seem tense.”

“I’m as well as I can be.” Closing her eyes, Chris takes a deep breath to steady herself. She keeps her voice quiet as she opens her eyes and speaks. “Will you go on a date with me tomorrow?” Confusion creates turmoil in my mind, and Chris must see it in my expression. “I know we spent time together on the weekends before, but this time will be different.” She grips my sleeve with a trembling hand. “Before, you spent time with me to better understand my love, what I wanted, still want, from you. This time, we are going on a date as _lovers_.” I fail to understand why she is so nervous about asking me this but refusing her is a fleeting thought.

“Gladly.” I take her free hand in mine, and Chris relaxes. “You don’t have to be nervous about asking me things like this.”

“I do.” Her rebuttal stings, but she explains. “This isn’t like what we were doing before. I want to go out with you in public, allowing a little of my love for you to show through for those around us to see.” Chris’ gaze drops to the floor, but her voice remains strong. “I don’t want to broadcast what our relationship is and cause problems; I only want to spend time with you, having fun and enjoying being together.” She meets my eyes. “I won’t apologize for being like this, so you’ll just have to put up with me for now.” Smiling, I lean down closer to Chris, but her hand stops my lips short. “Don’t be greedy, idiot. Save it for tomorrow.” Ignoring my sulk, Chris turns on her heel and leaves, waving a short goodbye as I remain stunned by her blocking my kiss. Shaking my head in disbelief, I close my door, returning to my schoolwork and my anticipation for our date tomorrow.


	4. Fanning the Flame

_I love her, and she loves me in return. I desire her in ways she likely has not imagined, and I wish the same from her…_

Early morning, I already have a dilemma. Several outfits lie on my bed, but none of them stand out to me; none of them scream “_I’m going on a date with my wonderful girlfriend!_” quite like I want. Sighing, I settle for one that is nice, but is nothing too special. Chris’ wardrobe is limited as well, so worrying is pointless. Once I settle my outfit, I examine myself in the mirror. My hair is in disarray, as usual. Even Miku never managed to tame the wild mess, so I tend to not worry about it too much. I _did_ try getting it under control today, since I have a date with Chris, but had little success. My chosen outfit is simple: a pale green long-sleeve with a knee-length white skirt, complete with black leggings underneath to ward against the coming autumn chill. The top reveals little, since I prefer to keep mobile rather than show off my assets. I have less confidence in that part of me, especially since I spend so much time around Chris and her ample bosom.

Pulling my shirt collar out, I examine the scar on my chest, another reason I avoid wearing revealing clothing. Mine is much easier to hide than Chris’, since it sits between my breasts in the center of my chest. The only way someone can really see it is if one catches me changing or bathing. Thinking back, I remember that Chris and I spent a good deal of time in the bath together while her injuries were healing. I remember few details outside of how embarrassed I was to even be next to her with my lesser appeal. _How much of those times does Chris remember?_ Heat rises in my face as I think that Chris may remember much more than is proper, since it is difficult to tell when, exactly, she fell in love with me. I shake my head to clear my mind. _Just because she wanted to kiss me for so long doesn’t necessarily mean she wants anything else._ Confident in that thought, I slap my cheeks and head out to meet Chris, focused on our date.

I arrive at our meeting place about ten minutes early, due to my impatience and eagerness. Chris and I usually meet here, near the station clock tower. She said nothing about changing our usual plans last night, so I hope this works out fine. Chris has yet to buy a cell phone, so getting in touch with her is difficult at the best of times. Leaning against a lamp post, I close my eyes, losing myself in a daydream. Within that world, Chris is my shining light. She guides me from place to place, her hand never leaving my arm; her warmth never leaving my side. I once compared her warmth to a flame, one where I needed to maintain some distance to avoid being burned. Never have I been happier to be proven wrong.

“Um… Hibiki?” Chris’ nervous voice pulls me from my reverie, and my breath stops short once my eyes open. Whatever I expected from Chris today, this was not it. Her outfit is the one-piece from yesterday, the one I thought was perfect, but too revealing. She shuffles nervously under my baffled stare, “Is it no good?”

“It’s perfect…” The cream color works well with her skin and ash-blond hair, while the crimson embroidery accents the ensemble nicely, particularly around her bust, where the dark coloring stands out and emphasizes her assets. Just as I feared, the outfit reveals some of Chris’ shoulders and cleavage, her scars visible to anyone who might look. The hem settles just past her knees, making the entire outfit relatively modest despite the amount of skin showing. “Chris, when did you…?”

“I was watching you yesterday.” Chris attracts more attention today than usual, and she is acutely aware of the scrutiny. She fidgets with her dress, but her eyes remain locked with mine. “The whole point of that shopping trip was to find the one outfit that you wanted to see me in, the one that would stop you in your tracks and cause your heart to race.” Chris steps closer, taking my arm in hers. “After I saw your reaction, I knew this was the one. When we parted yesterday, I ran back to buy it. Luckily, they had one in my size.” Her eyes narrow at the memory. “I could have done without the clerk commenting on my breasts, though. I get enough of that from you.” Her sarcasm snaps me out of my daze, and I laugh in response to her misfortune, receiving a heated glare in return. “What the hell are you laughing at?”

“I’m sorry, Chris. I couldn’t help myself when I imagined it.” Taking her hand in mine, I lean down to whisper in her ear. “You’re beautiful. That dress looks amazing on you.” Her face ignites, and even her ears turn red at my compliment. Chris turns her face away in a futile attempt to hide her embarrassment. This may be the first time she received a serious compliment from me, and I feel heat in my face as well. Thinking to myself that she is beautiful is one thing, but telling Chris directly is incredibly embarrassing. I desperately change topic to restore our focus. “Did you have a plan for today?” Chris needs several moments to collect herself before responding, her face no longer flushed crimson.

“Not really. I guess I borrowed a page from your book and decided to see what interests us.” Chris tightens her grip on my hand and gently pulls me along. “Come along, idiot, or I’ll leave you behind.” Chuckling, I allow her to pull me along, drinking in the sight of my lovely companion as our date begins.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

My heart races as her words echo in my mind. “_You’re beautiful._” Buying this outfit was worth it for that phrase alone, and Hibiki’s eyes rove over my body as I pull her along. _Maybe our next step will come sooner than expected._ I hold few expectations, however. Hibiki has barely recognized her love, and, though she is enthusiastic about kissing me, much to the dismay of my willpower, I do not expect her to go much beyond that step just yet. Resisting my urges is harder now, but I _will_ prevail against them. I will not allow weakness to jeopardize what we have now, nor will I allow myself to hurt Hibiki in any way. I trust her absolutely, and I must show her that she can rely just as heavily on me.

Wearing this outfit is more embarrassing than I initially expected. I understand why Hibiki refrained from saying anything when she saw it, even though it is the one she wanted to see me in the most. The dress reveals much of my collarbone and a small amount of cleavage, exposing my scars, ugly due to how deep the wounds were. Though acutely aware of this, I decided to buy it the instant I saw her reaction, halted in mid-stride and eyes riveted. While walking here, I attracted a great deal of attention, some positive, mostly negative, every bit of it unwanted. The only one I care about seeing me is the girl next to me, holding my hand and offering suggestions about what we should do.

I respond to her as amicably as possible. Today is something I dreamt of for a long time, a lovers’ date with Hibiki, and giving anything less than my best is unacceptable. While I want this to go well, I am distracted by negative thoughts related to her earlier compliment. _Does she really see me as beautiful? Is that possible, with how my face and body are now?_ Honesty is a positive trait of Hibiki’s, however, she also suffers from a desire to avoid harming those she is close to, so believing her words are sincere is… difficult. My heart yearns to believe it is true, that my beloved truly sees me as attractive, yet my mind fights against it, utilizing logic and years of terrible experiences to weigh down my hope.

As we wander from one diversion to the next, I receive several catcalls and rude comments, but they only come from those who have not seen my scars. Whenever I turn to them, or they grow frustrated that I ignore them and move closer, the leer falls from their faces and they quickly leave us be. Those reactions further cause my confidence to plummet. Even with a body like this, what men often desire in a woman, they find me repulsive and unwanted. Noticing my depression, Hibiki guides me away from the crowds to a more secluded area. After seating me, she beelines to a nearby vending machine, returning with a drink that is warm to the touch. “Chris, are you alright?”

Not caring to see what it is I hold; doubt and anxiety flood my thoughts. I slowly shake my head in answer to Hibiki’s concern. I know she loves me, and I know my appearance had little to do with her falling in love with me, but shaking off this feeling that I am undesirable, that my body is not appealing, is very difficult because of what happened just minutes ago. Hibiki’s body fills my dreams and unguarded moments. I ache to touch her, to trace my hand along her subtle curves, to caress her lovingly and absorb every detail. Despite my cravings, I will not break my vow unless Hibiki desires me as well, and my confidence that such a thing could be possible is quickly evaporating. _Will we never go further than where we are now? Am I forever forbidden from acting on my desires because of something I couldn’t control?_ I will not blame Hibiki, no matter how bitter or downtrodden I feel. Yes, she caused the injuries that led to my scars, but she was insane with grief after losing her closest friend before her eyes. She was not herself, and I would gladly repeat my actions if ever given the chance.

Lost in my thoughts, I have yet to verbally respond to anything Hibiki asks me, and her frustration overwhelms her caution. She grabs my shoulders, startling me as she turns me to face her. “Chris! Please, look at me!” I finally focus on her, and she heaves a sigh of relief. “That’s good. I thought I lost you, since you wouldn’t respond to me.” Hibiki gently embraces me, her voice soft and loving in my ear. “Something is troubling you, but I can’t help unless you talk to me. I really want today to go well, especially since you put so much effort into this, all for me.” My resistance caves under her kindness, and the fear I hold in my heart surfaces, bringing tears to my eyes as I tightly embrace her in return.

“Hibiki, am I repulsive? Am I not attractive?” She tenses at my words, so I embrace her tighter to keep her close to me for a bit longer, to feel her warmth for just a few more moments. “I want to believe that it’s not true, but, right now, it’s so hard.” Tears continue to spill down my cheeks as Hibiki manages to push back from me enough to see my face. “I enjoy how you look at me today, but everyone else around us recoils from me in disgust. Is it true? Are my face and body not appealing?” Sorrow finally chokes me to silence, and tears silently fall for a few moments before Hibiki wipes them from my eyes.

“These really bother you, don’t they?” Hibiki softly traces my facial scars as her eyes darken. “I can’t apologize enough for doing this to you, but please believe that, to me, it doesn’t matter. Chris, when I saw you in this dress today, I was speechless.” Her eyes wander over me once before returning to my face. “I thought ‘Such a beautiful person went out of her way to do this for me, all because she loves me so much.’ No matter what anyone else thinks of you, _I_ think you’re beautiful, and lovely, and so much more.” Hibiki flashes me her smile, the precious smile that I cherish beyond anything else, yet my tarnished self-confidence causes me to push harder.

“Is that really true?” My brain screams that I go too far, that now is not the time to question Hibiki, but my wounded heart begs to hear her answer. Her confusion is instant and obvious, yet, against my better judgement, I dig deeper. “Do you want to touch me, to look at me?” Hibiki, stunned by my sudden, unnecessary interrogation, has yet to respond. Reason finally wrests control from my emotions, and I sigh heavily as I reassure my beloved. “I’m sorry. Don’t mind me. I will _never_ do anything you don’t want. It’s just…” Finding the correct words is difficult, but my efforts are rewarded a few moments later. “What happened today wounded my confidence. My body has always attracted attention, so the reactions I received today were… unexpected. To think that something so fundamental in how others see me could change so dramatically in such a short time…”

“Chris, do you want me to?” Hibiki’s sudden question halts everything. “Is that why this surprises you so much? Because you wish for these things, and you want me to feel the same?” _Damn her sharp intuition at times like this…_ Speechless at how direct her inquiries are, I nod in response. Calming herself with a few steady breaths, Hibiki speaks once more. “Wanting something like that… I don’t understand it at all, but this is obviously important to you.” She bites her lower lip briefly. “I… might… want to, Chris. I can’t say for sure, but I see you much differently than I do anyone else. After all,” Her brief kiss is sudden, and I have no time to lose myself in the warmth of her lips before she pulls away, “I couldn’t do that with anyone else. You are very special to me, so I will think about it some more, a lot more, so I can give you a better answer.”

Standing, she stretches before offering me her hand. “That ate up some of our precious date time, so shall we try to enjoy what’s left?” Smiling at her ability to rapidly change focus, I take her hand, pushing dark thoughts aside as Hibiki helps me stand. We spend the next couple hours making up for lost time, enjoying our date before returning to Lydian. Upon arriving at the gate, Hibiki tightens her grip on my hand rather than releasing it. I glance up at her curiously, confused by her action. She swallows nervously and speaks without meeting my eyes.

“Do you want to spend some time together here? In your room?” _In my…?_ “Not as many people visit you, and I want to return the favor. Everything we did over the past two days was for me, no matter how much you wanted it, too.” Hibiki finally meets my curious gaze, her eyes serious. “The shopping trip, your buying that dress, going out on a date, spending so much time together; all of it was for me, because you wanted to do something in return for my loving you. Now, I want to give you something in return.” Her nervous grip on my hand tightens once more. I consider her proposal for only a moment before answering.

“I would love that.” It is a simple answer, for what Hibiki has in mind is a mystery. Regardless, being alone together in a closed space means that I can kiss her, at the very least, without worrying about prying eyes. I crave the touch of her lips against mine, and her sneaking one earlier has only intensified that feeling. Our combined experience in that area is limited, of course, but I care little about that. The simple fact that I can kiss Hibiki is more than I ever hoped for a few weeks ago, and I cherish every moment of contact. Shortly after, I stand in my room with a nervous Hibiki, and, for the first time since we became girlfriends, we are truly alone together.

_My heart might burst at this rate._ Racing in my chest, my heart shows no sign of slowing. Hibiki’s plan is still unknown, and I am hesitant to ask what her “reward” entails. After several attempts to calm my nerves end in failure, I turn to face Hibiki, who appears just as nervous as, if not more than, me. “So, what did you… um… want to do?” The atmosphere between us is tense and awkward, but we lack the capacity to fix it. Hibiki breathes deep for several moments before answering, her voice shaky and uncertain, just like mine.

“Chris, I want to… ah… How do I say…?” Hibiki struggles with forming her thoughts into words, so I wait for her patiently. _She can’t be thinking to propose anything _too_ drastic._ “I want to… let you… touch me, a little…” Her final words are a whisper, and the significance of her offer is not lost on me. Hibiki is trusting me with everything she is, trusting that I won’t lose control. It is a heavy burden, and one I shoulder gladly. Smiling sweetly, I motion her over to me. She closes the distance hesitantly, but soon stands before me, gazing down into my eyes as I lose myself in hers.

“Hibiki, you’re very kind, you know that?” I link my hands behind her head and lift myself up to kiss her, as tenderly as I can. I remain for a few moments before dropping back to stand normally. “I will do my best to not do anything you’re uncomfortable with, okay? Only, please, stop me if it’s too much.” Hibiki nods her understanding, and I gently pull her with me, hands still linked and my eyes never leaving hers as I slowly, carefully backpedal to my bed. Once the frame presses into the back of my knees, I guide Hibiki to sit beside me. Leaning in, I capture her lips once more, moving my left hand onto her cheek and leaving my other behind her head, resting my arm on her shoulder. Hibiki returns my kiss gently at first, then with greater force as her eagerness overrides her initial caution. She understands our situation just as well as I, that no one will disturb us here, and I know that, at the very least, she enjoys kissing me.

We release to catch our breath for a few moments before returning to our private world. The sensation of her warm lips against mine, the rapid beating of our hearts, our quiet pants as we periodically pull away to breathe; these are the only things that matter to me for several minutes. Never have I spoken to Hibiki about her appearance in my eyes, but, right now, she is alluring and stunningly beautiful, with her lips slightly parted and her face flush with heat. Desire crushes my restraint, and my next kiss is forceful, my body pressing into Hibiki’s and my right arm pulling her into me. Her surprise is evident in the tension created by my actions, yet she allows it.

Sensations bombard me, and I absorb the details as Hibiki embraces me, returning my kiss with lesser, but no less eager, force. My breasts press against her, and I am sure they create quite the sight in this dress. Neither of us care to look, of course, but I imagine that more of my cleavage is visible, and possibly my bra. Hers press against mine, causing my mind to briefly overload. Anything beyond simply touching her derails my thoughts, so that much stimulation is too much for me to handle. As we pull away to breathe, my heavily flushed face and ragged breathing alert Hibiki to my inner turmoil. “Chris? Are you alright?” She pants lightly in between phrases but manages to speak well enough.

“I… yeah… I think so.” My breath and mind eventually return to me, and I answer honestly. “That was… a bit too much for me, I think.” Hibiki giggles softly, receiving a short glare in return. “Don’t laugh. This is all still new to me. I have no idea what I can and can’t handle.” Returning my hand to her face, though I have no idea when it left, I gently trace along her jawline. “You bring out parts of me that I never knew existed, so of course, I’m going to surprise myself occasionally.” My tone softens as I gaze into her lovely, gold-brown eyes. “Hibiki, may I ask something of you?”

“Of course.” Hibiki’s instant response proves how great her trust in me is, so I will do everything in my power not to betray this girl, my wonderful girlfriend.

“Would you take off your top?” Her eyes widen in shock, so I quickly clarify. “Not everything, just your shirt. You said I can touch you a little, but I want to see as well.” Drawing back my arm from around her head, I take her hand in mine and gently squeeze it to reassure her. “If you aren’t comfortable with that, I understand. I will respect any limit you place on me, for hurting you in any way would crush me.” The memory of my previous offense causes my smile to slip. Hibiki contemplates in silence for a time before answering.

“Sure.” Surprised by her answer and eager for what is to come, I release Hibiki as she reaches down to pull her shirt over her head. My eyes never leave her exposed skin until she pulls my attention back with her voice. “I’m not really sure why you want to see me so badly. My body isn’t _that_ special.” My eyes linger briefly on her scar before settling on her face, my fingers brushing against her side, just above her hip. Hibiki flinches slightly at the contact, but, true to her word, she allows my touch. I try to keep my tone steady as I correct her, my gaze remaining locked to hers.

“No, it _is_ special. It’s the body of my beloved, the one I cherish above everything else.” Placing my palm flat against her side, I gently trace the curve of her waist, stopping just shy of her bra before moving back down to her hip. “I fell in love with your heart, with who you are as a person, but this is also part of who you are.” Still caressing her side, I bring my lips to hers, and she leans in the last few centimeters to meet my tender kiss. We remain that way for only a few moments. Once Hibiki’s lips leave mine, my eyes drop from her face to examine her body in detail.

Just as I remember from the times we bathed together, Hibiki’s body is firm with underlying muscle, built up from training and fighting. Despite this, her skin is smooth and soft, creating an appealing dichotomy for my touch. Moving from her waist, I trace my right hand across her stomach, steadying myself on her shoulder with my left. Here, her muscle is heavier. I remember once hearing that a strong core is necessary for martial activities, and Hibiki has not neglected that part of her training. I trace a fingertip along the small depressions between her abdominal muscles, absorbed in how different her body is compared to mine.

Due to her nature as a girl, Hibiki is not bulky, only very tone and balanced. Marveling at how this small body of hers wields so much strength, I feel inadequate. When not utilizing Ichaival, my strength is nothing more than that of a young woman, and the weakest, physically, of our team. Kazanari trained for years in combat and swordsmanship, and Hibiki also spent months honing her body into a weapon. Other than Ichaival, what do I have to offer? My physical prowess is nowhere near Hibiki and Kazanari’s, so all I bring to the table is a womanly figure, hardly of use on the battlefield. Lightly shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I return to caressing the body of my beloved Hibiki.

My hand remains on Hibiki’s firm abdomen while my eyes wander upward. Her bra enters my sight, and I take the opportunity to etch the details into my mind. True to Hibiki’s nature, her underwear is plain, but a small floral pattern along the top betrays her interests. Hibiki is usually subtle about accenting herself, but her demeanor may have changed slightly since she accepted my confession. After absorbing the details of her underwear, my focus turns to what it supports. Hibiki’s bust is modest, but she should still be proud of what she has. She is neither too small or overly large, as I am, and that balance is very much Hibiki. My breathing grows shallow, and my eyes linger on her exposed cleavage. _ What do they feel like?_ The familiar weight of my own is a terrible comparison.

Hibiki’s firm grip on my wrist snaps me back to reality, and I blink rapidly to focus myself. Glancing at my hand reveals the reason for her hold. My fingertips rest on the lower edge of her left cup, and I quickly pull my hand away, Hibiki releasing my wrist as I do. _What was I about to do?_ Though I ask myself that question, the answer is obvious. I scoot myself back from Hibiki to bow apologetically. “I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” My eyes remain glued to the bed as I await her response. Her silence lasts for a long time, and I silently panic, wondering if I finally went too far. A gentle pat on my head brings my eyes up, and Hibiki greets me with her bright smile, torso still mostly bare.

“I forgive you, Chris, though I have to ask: what were you thinking about this whole time?” Hibiki’s serious tone can only be answered with truth, so I steady myself for what I need to tell her. Taking a few deep breaths helps, and I enlighten her once I calm.

“I was thinking that you’re amazing. You wield so much strength with your small body, and you train hard to keep it this way.” I slide a little closer to Hibiki, yet she remains in place, not shying away. “That kind of strength is beyond me, and, honestly, I’m a little jealous. You and the idol both bring physical strength and innate talent to the battlefield, while all I bring are my songs and Ichaival.” Hibiki listens quietly, allowing me the freedom to reveal the truth in my heart. “Hibiki, seeing and touching you like this caused me to think about a lot. I feel inadequate, and…” Her hand comes to rest on my cheek, gently covering my scars. Being one of my favorite actions of hers, I close my eyes, my hand resting on hers as I nuzzle into it. Hibiki’s lack of hesitation about touching my scars comforts me greatly. Her doing so tells me that, while she still feels guilty, she accepts them as part of me, and that being scarred and ruined will not affect how she thinks of me. My world narrows down to her hand on my cheek, and my thoughts wander.

While I try to hide it, my scars affect me more now than before. The more deeply I love Hibiki, the more conscious I am, particularly my ruined face. In unguarded moments, I feel unsuitable. Such a pure, bright person being together with, and now loving, someone as broken and ugly as I am… It seems impossible, sometimes, though I do everything in my power to crush those thoughts when they surface. Hibiki _chose_ to accept me, and she can honestly tell me that she sees me as beautiful. “Chris?” Hibiki’s voice interrupts my musing.

“Yeah?” Still lost in my own world, my response is only half-focused.

“Why did you try to touch my… well, my breast?” Heart leaping in my chest, my eyes snap open to discover Hibiki’s curious expression. _Shit, I forgot about that._ Panicking, I calm once my attention focuses on her. She projects no malice, no anger at my thoughtless action. There is only genuine curiosity, a desire to understand her most important person.

“Honestly, all I was thinking about was how they might feel.” Quietly, my words carry across the minuscule distance between us as my eyes wander between her face and the subject of our discussion. “Hibiki, yours are… how would I say?” A thought comes to mind. “Perfect.” Hibiki blinks in confusion, stunned by my unexpected praise. “My size is unnecessary, but yours fit you so well.” For several moments, only our breathing can be heard in the still room. “I won’t try that again, not without your permission. I promise.” Hibiki contemplates my words for several moments before shocking me into speechlessness.

“Chris, can I touch you a little?” My heart races, each beat heavy and loud in my ears, and my mind overloads as my face ignites. No words leave my lips, only silent movement as Hibiki reassures me. “All this talk about how different we are, but we are the same.” Taking my hand, Hibiki places my palm against her upper chest to feel her rapid heartbeat. “We love each other, despite everything. I’ve been thinking, and, to be honest, I think that’s pretty amazing.” Her eyes narrow as her confused thoughts muddle her fluent speech. “Chris, I… don’t really know if I see you the same way you see me, but I want to touch you. We spend so much time together, but you still seem guarded.” Hibiki meets my eyes, my hand still held in hers against her heart. “You are so careful to avoid hurting me that you’re not very open about your feelings, and that hurts, just a little. I’m thankful for what you’re doing, but I want to be closer to you, Chris, especially now.” Her pleading eyes crush my resolve, so I mutely nod. Hibiki instantly breaks into her bright, wonderful smile. “Thank you. So, um… I kinda want to see, too, but you don’t need…”

Pulling my hand from her grip, I start undressing, heedless of the fact that the only thing on underneath this dress is my bra and panties. I never expected _anything_ like this, so my underwear is terribly plain and boring, yet that is likely to be ignored. Hibiki’s attempt to stop me is halted by a searing glare. She should receive the same privileges I did. Standing briefly to finish removing the dress, I sit once more as my skin reacts to the cool air. Being nearly naked under Hibiki’s gaze is incredibly embarrassing, but, for her, I will endure it. She has already seen more of me than this, though how much she remembers is unknown to me. Steeling myself, I hold out my hand to Hibiki, inviting her.

Hibiki scoots closer to me, briefly capturing my lips as her fingers brush lightly against my side. I let out a small gasp, and Hibiki yanks her hand away, her worried eyes meeting mine. Smiling to reassure her, I guide her hand back to my waist. “It’s alright. I was just a little surprised.” Nodding her understanding, Hibiki returns to caressing my waist and stomach, eyes absorbing details, just as mine had. I suppress my reactions as much as possible, but a few small gasps and hitched breaths slip out when she touches my sides. Her touch falters, so I focus my attention on her. “What’s wrong?”

“Ah, it’s nothing.” Hibiki’s eyes slide away from mine, betraying her lie. I guide her focus back to me with a hand on her cheek, and she sighs in defeat. “Um… I want to ask you something, but you may not like it.” Waiting patiently, my eyes never leave her face. “Would it be alright if… I touched the scars on your chest?” Eyes widening, my heart hammers in my chest. Noticing my shock, Hibiki clarifies her intentions. “It seems like you calm down when I touch the ones on your face, so I wonder if this will, too. Is it no good?”

Moments tick by in silence as my mind and heart war against each other. Eventually, my love and trust win out, and I nod in acquiescence. After a small nod, Hibiki reaches out, her touch beginning at my collarbone before tracing down the thick scar tissue. She hesitates briefly at the top of my right breast, and I give her a nod, my heartbeat pounding in my ears. Her fingers hesitantly follow the scarring, and every ounce of willpower I possess goes into resisting any untoward reaction to her touch. Hibiki stops shy of where the scars run down between my breasts before her fingers follow the thick tissue back up to my collarbone.

Though unsure at first, I calm under her careful touch, despite my raging inner turmoil. Seeing her like this warms my heart and eases my troubled mind. While certain that my scars will always bother me, knowing that Hibiki is not repelled by them is a great relief. I allow her to continue for a few moments before taking her hand in mine, stopping her partway through her rotation. “Thank you, Hibiki, but that’s enough.” I already miss her touch but must remain strong. “We will catch colds if we stay like this too long, and… what you gave me today was wonderful. Thank you.”

We face away from each other while we dress, mostly out of ingrained courtesy. “So, what… do you think?” Rustling clothing is the only sound for a few moments, and I hesitate to turn around, though by this time we must both be fully dressed. Embracing me from behind, Hibiki buries her face in my back, likely to hide her blushing face.

“Chris, you’re amazing.” The awe in her voice startles me. “Your body is soft and womanly. You normally look good, but seeing you like that with new eyes… your curves are lovely, and” Hibiki’s attempt to stifle a small giggle fails, “your boobs are _big_.” I grind my heel into her toe, and she yelps, though she never releases her hold. “I’m sorry, but it’s true. Though the most important thing, Chris,” Gripping my shoulders, she turns me to meet her eyes, love and concern shining through in equal measure, “is that you _are_ beautiful, no matter what anyone else thinks or says about you. Not just your appearance, I see it in your heart, in the way you look at me. Knowing that you love me so deeply is reassuring.” Hibiki’s features become grim as unpleasant memories surface. “I went through a lot when I received Gungnir, and I suffered even more when Miku died, but now I have you, my wonderful, beautiful Yukine Chris. Having you by my side is more than an idiot like me deserves, and I cherish you more than anything.” She ends in a smile, my heart straining at her words.

“You should probably get going. We both have work we need to finish.” I hate changing the topic like this, but it preserves my sanity when Hibiki unintentionally does this. She bares her heart to me, and mine wishes to never let her go, to ensnare her and keep her next to me, always. Hibiki’s expression sours at the mention of her schoolwork, causing me to giggle quietly. “Don’t be like that. I’m never far away, and you can visit me anytime.” Raising myself slightly, I hover a few centimeters away from her lips to reassure her once more. “Hibiki, the door is never barred to you.” Hibiki meets me partway, and we share one last, gentle kiss before we part for the evening.


	5. Steady Burn

_Memories plague my mind, visions of what I long desired finally achieved. Her acceptance fuels my inner flame, but am I even capable of acting on it…?_

Sighing, I fall heavily onto my bed, my mind whirling as the day’s events replay in my thoughts. Hibiki’s reaction to my outfit, my breakdown on our date, her offer once we returned to Lydian; these led to finally being able to touch Hibiki’s body and having her touch mine. Closing my eyes, I remember the sensation of her hand on my waist, her gentle touch as her palm slid across my stomach. Touching the scars on my chest, tears start to form before I can control my emotions. Though she came to love me much later than I did her, Hibiki’s love is bright, gentle and kind. Much of her behavior remains the same, but it is moments like that, where she goes beyond her normal comfort zone, when her love shines through. Opening my eyes, I stare at my palm, upon which the memory of Hibiki’s body yet lingers.

Doing so reminds me of my unconscious attempt to grope her, and my face heats as my brain overloads once more. _I really need to fix this mentality if I ever want us to go further._ That thought delivers a shock to my system. _Is that what I want? Are my hidden desires finally coming to light, urges that I wasn’t aware of?_ Shutting my eyes hard, I attempt to banish the myriad conflicting thoughts that arise. _Hibiki already gives me so much, yet still I want more?_ Old fears slither through my mind, ones that I hoped would haunt me no longer: fears that if I go further than this, Hibiki will leave me. I will be abandoned and alone again, and it will be entirely my fault.

The thought of losing Hibiki held me in a stranglehold for so long, yet Hibiki demolished the barrier that I erected, one that denied me a chance, however slight, to be truly, blissfully happy. However, beneath that terror lie older, uglier wounds, and facing them will be necessary if I am to keep my oath to myself: I will not act upon my desires, my urges, my… _lust_… unless Hibiki also wishes the same. If, and only _if,_ she wants me in that way will I confront my past scars, the wounds in my heart and soul. Simply thinking about it causes my body to tremble, and I start feeling nauseous. Quickly standing, I grab a light jacket on my way out the door.

A few minutes later, I feel calmer. Leaning back against the brick exterior of the dorm, I gaze into the early evening sky at the rising moon. The ring of debris, and missing section, from the Lunar Attack is a constant reminder of the sacrifices we made that day, Kazanari’s and my deaths among them before Hibiki accomplished a miracle. After Hibiki accepted my confession, I spent some time reviewing my past experiences with her, attempting to determine when, exactly, she captured my heart. The Lunar Attack was a significant starting point, but I do not believe that I fell in love with her then. However, I _do_ believe that was when she became important to me, along with Kazanari, to a lesser extent. Those two, and the staff in Section 2, provided me with somewhere I could begin to call “home”, though I took a while to acclimate to the idea. Here, at this academy, is where I found the place I wish to be more than anywhere else, so I will keep fighting to protect the peace I discovered.

Closing my eyes, I slip into a reverie of my past with Hibiki. Remembering the times before Kohinata’s death is bittersweet, since Hibiki is relatively subdued in comparison, but I must remember them, for they are still a part of who she is. Following the memories forward, Hibiki’s grief-fueled rampage, and my subsequent injuries, come to mind. Afterward, I remember the months we spent together while we both recovered from our traumas. It was during that period of recovery that Hibiki filled my heart, unknowingly claiming it for herself, though I cannot say exactly when. I worked hard to bring her smile back, and once it returned, I began to cherish it, and her, more than anything else. Soft footsteps alert me to another’s presence, and my eyes snap open, focusing on the individual approaching me.

Her tall, lithe form and long, blue hair betray her as none other than Kazanari; someone I have not spoken with alone for a while. She has been subtle about giving Hibiki and I space during the last couple months, and I appreciate the gesture. Not that she avoids us, but Kazanari prefers to speak to the two of us together. Hibiki and I separately asked her for advice related to my love, so she is certainly aware that we are together, though she does not pry deeper. “It is rare to see you alone, Yukine.” Kazanari keeps her voice quiet as she leans against the wall beside me, a small gap between us as her blue eyes focus on the fractured moon. “What draws you out here in solitude?”

“Frankly, it doesn’t concern you.” Kazanari is a friend, the only other person I consider as such, but I am still guarded and aggressive with her, like I am with everyone other than Hibiki. “My worries are my own, and I will solve them on my own.”

“Haaah… I was hoping to be a reliable friend, but, alas, my assistance is unwanted.” Kazanari’s sigh is heavy, though not entirely serious. My personality is hardly new, so she switches to a less volatile, though surprising, topic. “I believe congratulations are due, though I am behind by a couple months.” My eyes widen slightly at her honest words, and Kazanari’s steady gaze meets mine. “Do not be surprised. Though I am busy, I do keep an eye on you two. The way you look at Tachibana reveals much, and, recently, she appears to be seeing you in a new light, as well.”

“What of it?” Wondering about Kazanari’s intent will do me little good, though she would not seek to obstruct us. Of that, I am certain. “You already know what our relationship is, so why bring it up now?”

“Is being with Tachibana everything you hoped it would be?” Startled by her blunt approach, my response is slow, but honest.

“In truth, it’s difficult.” Talking about this with someone other than Hibiki may help me sort my thoughts, and Kazanari proved her reliability and discretion months ago. “Being with that idiot makes me incredibly happy, yet I worry about the smallest things, so I restrain myself to respect her decisions.” My tone naturally softens when I talk about Hibiki while Kazanari patiently listens, her attention focused on my words. “What I discover about myself frightens me, sometimes, but she accepts me, even came to love me, despite my fear and anxiety.”

“She loves you?” Kazanari openly voices her surprise.

“That’s what she says, and I am inclined to believe her.” My voice becomes quiet, almost reverent. “I finally have that idiot all to myself, and I hardly believe it’s real.” Unconsciously, I trace my lips, where the memory of Hibiki’s warmth and love still lingers. Lowering my hand, my hard gaze meets Kazanari’s baffled one. “We know very well that she is a terrible liar, and I see the truth in her eyes, and sense it in her touch.” The idol nearly chokes at that, while I simply smirk. _Let her think on that one for a while._ Kazanari sputters for a few moments before recovering her composure.

“I must admit that is… surprising. Yukine, I owe you an apology, as well. When you first spoke with me about this, I was very rude and negative, and the worry that I affected your mentality plagued me constantly.” Kazanari bows deep in apology while continuing to speak. “When Tachibana sought me out, my fears were realized in her concern for you. Whether that is the truth you perceive or not, I apologize for my actions.” Moments slip by in silence before I recover from my mute shock.

“This, um, isn’t really necessary, you know?” Kazanari remains bowed, so I eventually relent. “Oh, fine. I accept your apology, though I don’t think you did anything that you need to apologize for.” Righting herself, her blue eyes drain of tension. The idol, apparently, worried about this for quite some time. “Is that all you want to say?”

“No.” Kazanari contemplates for several moments, carefully choosing her words. “I also want to thank you, personally and on behalf of everyone in Section 2, as requested by the Commander.” _Meddling old man._ “Seeing Tachibana broken was difficult and knowing that she would not accept our help only deepened our concern. Imagine our surprise when along came Yukine Chris, resident hostile bundle of contained fury, and you managed to not only convince Tachibana to accept your assistance, you pulled her from the depths of her despair. Regardless of what has become of you two since then, that was an impressive feat, and we are grateful for your intervention.” All the praise causes my face to heat, so I turn away to hide my reddening cheeks.

“I told you before: I only did that because she owed me for my injuries.” My rebuttal falters as I realize that this excuse no longer works on Kazanari. “At least, that’s how it was at first…” My eyes seek the ground as I trail off. The idol waits patiently while I collect myself. “At some point, that idiot became so much more to me, and everything I did was for selfish reasons. I don’t think I deserve your thanks.” Falling silent once more, I gaze into the night sky, focusing on nothing, while Kazanari remains quiet beside me.

“Even now,” Breaking the silence, I voice my worries, “I feel that everything I do is selfish. I cherish that idiot more than anything else, and I would do anything for her, but I want so much from her while she asks almost nothing from me in return.” My voice begins to tremble. “Even my restraint is selfish, since the thought of losing that idiot terrifies me. I don’t know what I should do anymore…”

“Yukine,” Kazanari’s hand on my shoulder startles me, yet I manage to resist stepping out from under it as I meet her eyes, “you _do_ love her, that much I can tell. Even if you believe that you are selfish, all I see is concern for Tachibana and the truth that you resist much to avoid hurting her. That speaks volumes, so you should rest easy. Though I cannot speak for her, I believe that Tachibana sees the same, and that may be why she returns your love.” Kazanari’s eyes narrow. “I still feel partially responsible for this situation,” Her heavy sigh interrupts her briefly, “but the decisions made are yours.” The grip on my shoulder tightens slightly. “I wish good fortune for both of you. Take care of Tachibana for us and be happy. Nothing would make her happier.” Releasing my shoulder, Kazanari leaves me to my thoughts, waving goodbye as she does.

Our short talk brought me no answers regarding my current dilemma, but my heart is calmer. While I have trouble believing her, Hibiki _did_ seek out Kazanari for advice when I confessed, and my idiot told me herself that she was upset with me for denying myself a chance at happiness. Suddenly, I realize that I have been going about this wrong. My focus has been directed inward, on my own desires, and I have no idea what Hibiki wants from me. Determined to fix that, I return to my room, planning along the way how best to ask Hibiki what she wishes for most. However, asking her must wait, for the hour is late and we both need rest after our long day.

Waking the next morning, I shake my head in a futile attempt to clear my mind of lingering images from my dreams. My sleeping mind drowned me in fantasies, where Hibiki’s hands traced across every part of my body, and others where she allowed me the same privilege. Cold water helps focus me for the day of classes ahead, and I assume my usual angry mask. Hibiki dislikes this side of me, but my trust in anyone other than her, and Kazanari and her uncle, is severely limited. My scars enhance the effect, and I enjoy my extensive privacy. Hibiki is the only one I care to spend time with, though her usual trio of friends often encroach on our time together.

I manage to catch Hibiki alone during our lunch break and lead her to a relatively secluded area. Hiding my nervousness from Hibiki is much more difficult now than before, since her love causes her to be acutely aware of me, just as I am of her. Barely succeeding, I bring up the subject once we finish eating. “Hey, I… ah… want to ask you something that I have been wondering.” Her curiosity piqued, Hibiki quietly focuses her attention on me. Her unwavering gaze forces me to expend much more effort to remain calm than I initially planned. “What do you… want most from me?” Brow wrinkled in concentration and confusion, Hibiki thinks for several moments before answering.

“That’s a tough question, Chris.” Hibiki’s hesitation is not reluctance, rather she searches her heart for her answer. Patiently waiting for her answer causes my heart to race with anticipation and anxiety. Hopefully, I will finally know what it is that my beloved Hibiki wishes for most. “I think…” She falters, but quickly recovers, “I think what I want most from you… is your happiness.” _That fits with the idol’s assessment, though I hate to admit it._ Quickly glancing around, Hibiki takes my hand in hers. “Chris, I said it before, but you have endured so much. Your past is painful, and I just want you to be happy.” She squeezes my hand briefly to reassure me. “Falling in love with you hasn’t changed that one bit. If anything, I now wish for it even more. I want to give you a chance to live a life of joy,” Hibiki smiles shyly as she drops her eyes from mine, “and… I want to be there with you. I want to see you smile from pure joy, just once. That’s all I ask.”

Though the area is clear, I avoid kissing her, as much as I desperately want to. Instead, I pat her head to reassure her. “Is this what it was like for you, Chris?” Hibiki’s gold-brown eyes shimmer in the early autumn sunlight. “When you fell in love with me, what was it like? You’re all I think about, lately, and I worry that I might be thinking about you too much.” Gently placing a finger on her lips to halt her words, I answer gently and quietly.

“It was much worse for me, idiot.” Shutting my eyes, I recall the early days of my blossoming love. “I had no idea what was happening to me. I was so confused, lost in these emotions that I never experienced before. All I could do was act normal and hope that I would eventually figure everything out.” My tone becomes somber and reflective. “When you left for summer vacation, your absence was agonizing. I missed you so much that I became practically useless. Not having you nearby was awful, and it wasn’t until I talked with the idol that I realized what I feel for you.” Opening my eyes reveals a quiet, subdued Hibiki. “You know most of the story after that. You know about my fear of losing you, how I was too afraid to confess, to believe there was a chance, however small, that you might accept me.” Smiling slightly, I gently chide my lovable idiot. “I already love you, so you should stop worrying about it. You don’t need to face the same fear I did, the same struggles. Just enjoy the time we spend together, and” I breathe to steady myself, “don’t be afraid to ask anything of me. At this point, I would do anything for you.”

“Thank you, Chris.” We spend the rest of our lunch in relative silence, occasionally engaging in idle chatter before the first chime to return to classes sounds. Packing quickly, we part with simple waves, not wanting to attract attention. The rest of the day, I consider Hibiki’s words, that what she wants most is for me to find joy. If that simple wish is not born of love, nothing else possibly could be. Though I understand what she means, achieving her wish will require time. Now, I am far too insecure about… everything. My emotions are in constant turmoil, and my psyche walks a razor’s edge. To grant Hibiki’s wish, my mind and heart _must_ be stable, otherwise I will never find joy in anything.

The week passes normally. I seek out Hibiki in my free time, and she eagerly awaits my arrival, often meeting me partway. The gears of my mind turn steadily, searching for a way to become what I need to grant Hibiki’s wish. The most obvious, and potent, points of concern are my scars. While changing for bed one night, I take time to examine myself in the mirror. Tracing the scars on my face and chest, my thoughts follow many paths. Hibiki’s ability to ignore my scars likely stems from her deep kindness and newfound love, but ignoring them myself is difficult, particularly when everyone else around me reacts negatively. I could hide them, there are many ways of doing so, but the idea is uncomfortable. It would be like denying a part of who I am, a part of my past that led to my current self, and I am not ashamed of my actions on that night months ago. _That might work…_ Rather than seeing my scars as a blemish, I could work to see them as something akin to a badge of honor. I received these fighting for someone I care about, and that is more than many can say about themselves. Changing my perspective will be a challenge, but I gladly embrace the difficulties ahead of me.

Our weekend date proceeds according to plan, what little plan there is, given that Hibiki is in charge this time around. Though I enjoy her admiring gaze, I refrain from wearing the dress from before, and we spend much of our date simply enjoying ourselves. Hibiki manages to wear me out with her constant high energy and random activities, yet my heart is warm and content. Seeing her joyful, bright smile banishes many of my worries, and I bask in the combined light of her happiness and my love. _Sometimes, I wish I could be as happy as that idiot is all the time._ Of course, I understand that Hibiki has her own worries and concerns, but she is far more adept at ignoring them.

My favorite part about this date, however, is that we hold hands for much of our time together. Hibiki usually allowed hand-holding for short periods before, but now, she appears to want more contact with me when possible, likely a side effect of our restraint while at Lydian. This change begins to push back the darkness and fear in my heart, allowing rays of hope to shine through. If my precious idiot wishes for even this small amount of contact when possible, then perhaps we can progress further as a couple, though Hibiki will regulate everything. My oath of restriction is lighter since my talks with Kazanari and Hibiki, though it still burdens my heart.

While enjoying sweets at one of our favorite shops, we chat idly about simple matters, my mind temporarily free from the anxiety that plagues my idle moments. While we talk, my thoughts wander to how we appear to those around us. Nothing stands out about two girls spending a weekend indulging themselves, yet, somehow, I feel disheartened. The fact that we appear normal works in our favor, but, sometimes, I almost want us to be recognized as a couple, to receive the same envious glares from those without a partner. Hibiki asks for some of my cake, and I absentmindedly pop a small piece into her mouth before my brain catches up. Panicking, I quickly glance around, but everyone else ignores us, save for an older couple that quietly comment about how cute we are. Returning my attention to my plate, embarrassment floods my cheeks with heat as I fidget nervously. That was a very “couple-like” thing to do, yet no one considers it strange, excepting myself. Glancing up from under my bangs, I notice the slight tint of red in Hibiki’s cheeks, though she ignores her embarrassment as she demolishes her massive parfait. _Her appetite never fails to impress._

Fiddling with my remaining cake, I watch Hibiki from beneath my bangs. Absorbed in enjoying her dessert, she appears carefree, heedless of whatever may be bothering her. It feels wrong to hope that some of her concerns are because of me, but I know she thinks about me a great deal. Noticing my gaze, Hibiki slows her progress, her eyes curious and slightly worried. Waving her concern away, I slowly finish eating while receiving the occasional glance from across the table.

Two days later, a normal day of classes becomes an entirely different scenario as I receive an emergency response call from Section 2: Noise materialization. Sprinting, I toss my belongings haphazardly into my room as I grab my earpiece before heading to the rendezvous point and waiting helicopter. Breathing heavily, I am the last to arrive. Collapsing into a seat, I focus on steadying my breathing, closing my eyes to ignore my surroundings. Warmth on my shoulder causes me to peek out, and Hibiki is there, slight worry in her eyes, but she says nothing as she steadies herself with her other hand looped into a grip hanging from the ceiling. I nod once to reassure her before closing my eye once more to focus. This is the third Noise outbreak since Kohinata’s death, and while Hibiki handles the encounters well enough, rage continues to boil deep within me. What happened to us months ago lingers in my memories, so I will continue to eradicate these soulless creations wherever, and whenever, they may appear. My wrath may never be sated, for what was lost that day is irreplaceable.

Once my breathing calms, I stand to observe the city, unconsciously placing myself next to Hibiki, who flashes me a brief smile before turning her attention below. Hibiki is once more watching my back, so I am free to focus on clearing the skies once we reach the outbreak. I no longer worry about her facing the Noise, for she has proven remarkably resilient in resisting her inner demons. Granted, she says it is because of me, and the memory causes a slight blush to rise in my cheeks, as well as a slight twinge in my heart. My musing is shattered by the pilot’s panicked voice over our earpieces. “Jump! All of you, get out! Now!” Instinctively obeying the order, all three of us leap from the aircraft, our activation songs beginning in unison as heat slams into us on our way down.

“_Imyuteus Ame no Habakiri tron._” For whatever reason, Kazanari’s song stands out as we fall. We jumped much earlier than necessary, which means this outbreak is massive, likely accompanied by a dreadnought. _Damn it! It’s been so long since I needed to destroy one of those, and even longer since we lost a helicopter._ Gritting my teeth as Ichaival forms onto me, I steel myself for the exhausting battle to come.


	6. Burn Control

_Keep calm, focus on what is in front of you, but always be aware of your surroundings. The one most precious to me screams her song of rage, and I ache to release her from her torment…_

My heavy boots dig into the street for a fraction of a second before Gungnir releases energy in a blast to cushion my landing, destroying the surrounding asphalt. _Chris is probably going to yell at me again._ Vents open in my armor, releasing steam to cool the internal mechanisms as I hastily observe the area. Chris and Tsubasa-san are nearby, armor equipped and weapons ready. Relief floods my heart, though losing our pilot and aircraft still saddens me. We wielders are privileged with the ability to fight the Noise on equal or superior ground, but normal people stand no chance. Placing my hand briefly over my heart, I offer a small prayer for our pilot as I hurry to join my comrades.

Chris’ expression is grim, showing that she has grasped the severity of the situation and is dreading the fight. The long fights are always exhausting for her, especially since she usually needs to destroy a massive foe while also dealing with others. Granted, they are difficult and exhausting for Tsubasa-san and myself, but both of us have extensive conditioning and combat training backing us up. Chris is just Chris, and Ichaival requires very high output to function at peak efficiency. In that sense, she is impressive. Somehow, I manage to stay ahead in terms of raw power, but Chris’ control of relic energy is unrivaled, though I feel Tsubasa-san still hides a few secrets, too.

Tsubasa-san rapidly orders tactics suitable to a large outbreak and lengthy engagement. “Our priority is destroying the dreadnought that likely accompanies this outbreak. Yukine, this falls on you.” Chris’ determined nod fails to halt her scowl, twisting her scarred features into a fierce, angry mask. Burning pain rises in my heart, and I wish I could free her from this life. If I knew how to give her peace, I would do so in a heartbeat. “Tachibana,” I snap back to attention as Tsubasa-san addresses me, “while your primary duty will be guarding Yukine, I will need regular assistance, as well.” I nod to signify my understanding. “Once free of the dreadnought’s presence, we will switch to more standard tactics once the enemy’s numbers dwindle.” Our understanding clear, Tsubasa-san orders us toward a more open area to determine the dreadnought’s location.

Shorter buildings are easy enough to bounce between to reach rooftops, but the ones surrounding us are too tall. Chris’ armor configuration means that she usually needs a couple handholds as well, so we search for an appropriate area while running, receiving directions from headquarters to guide us. Master and the others probably know where the dreadnought is, but the ground team still needs to see it to do anything about it. We clear several clusters of Noise before finding a good area. Tsubasa-san immediately heads up the side of a building, leaving buried blades behind for Chris, whose waist armor limits how much she can turn while against a wall, so this is our best makeshift solution. Utilizing the massive strength granted by Gungnir, I use the alley to bounce upward, wall-to-wall. Reaching the top, I gasp at the sight arrayed before me.

The last time I witnessed an outbreak this large was long ago. The dreadnought circles a good distance away, likely out of Chris’ range from what I can tell, while clusters of the enemy litter the streets. _This is horrible. How many people are gone because we weren’t fast enough?_ Shaking the thought away, I steel my heart. Since recovering from Miku’s death, my heart is harder, more resilient to being unable to help everyone. Muttered curses reach my ears, so I turn to the source. Chris’ eyes blaze with fury, and I realize something: I _must_ protect her. I always did before, of course. She is my comrade and has long been a precious friend, but she means so much _more_ to me now. _I couldn’t bear to lose her. I… might not recover if I did._ Pushing the dire thought aside, I turn my attention back to the Noise.

“I need to be closer.” Chris’ hard tone drips anger, and I worry for her. Fighting back my inner darkness is no easy task, but I manage because she is there for me. According to the research team, no other wielder must resist that darkness, yet calming my nerves is difficult. While not unusual, Chris’ smoldering rage ignites when facing our foe, and I worry that she may lose focus at a critical point. _I will need to watch her closely, but it will be hard, this time._ I half-listen to Tsubasa-san laying out tactics, though I catch enough to understand how to proceed. Essentially, we will be clearing clusters only on the most direct route to escort Chris within range. Afterward, Tsubasa-san and I will be hard pressed for a short time until my girlfriend can destroy the dreadnought and clear the skies. Making solo sweeps is inadvisable with this many Noise, so we will attempt to lure as many of them to us as possible. Chris’ range will be helpful there, since she can clear large areas from rooftop while both melee fighters draw Noise back to her.

The following several minutes are chaos. Noise press in from all sides while we attempt to keep moving. Every wasted moment extends the fight, and all three of us are acutely aware of that fact. Tsubasa-san utilizes rushing attacks, Chris prefers her crossbows when she needs to be mobile, and my boots’ rail system and armor jets throw me forward as we clear our way, periodically leaping up to low rooftops to keep ourselves oriented. Our songs clashing with the cacophony of battle, we leap up to one final rooftop, where Chris finally shouts that she is in range. Several Noise follow us up, where they are quickly destroyed by blade and fist. Chris’ attention is now directed skyward, so I take a defensive stance behind her while Tsubasa-san leaps down to engage the foe in front. Briefly glancing behind me, I watch Chris’ weapons change to her chain guns before the deafening roar drowns out her song.

_Her song is so angry, today._ While unable to hear it now, there was plenty of chances while we fought to reach this location. Ever since she recovered from her injuries, the Noise have felt a new kind of wrath from Ichaival. She never sounds like this during practice, though some of it leaks through in simulations. I understand, a little, why her song changed so dramatically, yet that does not ease my mind. Chris takes what happened to us very personally, and I fear that only adds to her suffering. My thoughts return to the battle as Noise enter my field of view, and Gungnir’s song surges through me as I fight to protect my most important person.

I flow from stance to stance, adjusting to every move my opponents make. Darkness lingers at the edge of my vision, and Gungnir whispers in my mind, urging me to let go, to give myself over to the fury and pain buried in my heart. _No, the Striking Spear is mine to wield, not be wielded by._ My heart beats strong and true within my breast, for it no longer beats for me alone. Another has claimed a place there, and she would never forgive me if I fell prey to the darkness after all her efforts. Anchored by my love for her, I protect her back while she faces the source of the horde.

I catch a surge in Ichaival’s song, and what I see when I turn is not what I expect. Usually, Chris uses massive warheads to down dreadnoughts, so the miniature ballista she holds confuses me. Kneeling, she steadies her aim before launching a massive crystal bolt skyward. Ascending, it splits into myriad pieces until I can no longer track them. After a few moments, the sky is traced with red light as the fragments pierce downward, destroying the dreadnought and clearing a large section of the air and ground forces in one incredibly destructive move. _When did she come up with this?_ Chris’ weapon innovations never cease to surprise me, and I stare in awe at the might of Ichaival and the prowess of the girl who wields it. _She says that she feels inferior to us, but neither Tsubasa-san or I can accomplish what she does with Ichaival_. Catching movement in my peripheral, I react without thinking.

Jumping to her side, I scoop Chris into my arms before leaping the gap to the next building. Several impacts roar out behind me, overpowering her startled shout. Landing on the next rooftop, I slide to a stop, quickly moving to peer over the edge to the street below. Tsubasa-san acknowledges me with a brief wave of her sword before quickly ascending to the roof of the building where Chris and I previously stood, blue flashes slicing into the Noise clustering below. I focus on the girl in my arms, and only then do I realize the situation. Chris’ face is close, her body pressed into mine as my arms support her back and knees. _A princess carry…_ Heat rises in my cheeks, so I hastily set her down, turning away to hide my embarrassment. In those few moments, time dilated, much like it did when I first kissed her, and memories of touching her body floated to the surface. Ichaival’s armor covers some of her scarring, but small sections are visible, including where it dips between her breasts. Chris’ hard chop wrenches my focus back to the fight, and I nod in thanks after shaking my head to clear it.

The battle lasts a long time. Luring clusters of Noise back to Chris’ location is time consuming, and all of us tire from extended use of our Gears. Chris’ exhaustion is most noticeable, her heavy breathing causing her ample chest to heave. The movement distracts me for a couple seconds before I tear my gaze away, ashamed that I would think of her like that. _Just because I love her doesn’t mean that I should become a pervert._ Slapping my face with armored hands is more than enough to focus me as I return to my duty. Search, lure, fight, repeat. About two hours pass in this fashion before we are confident that the area is clear. Collapsing onto Chris’ current rooftop, heavy breathing fills the air as the three of us seize what rest we can before the Section 2 team arrives.

Finally regaining some energy, I sit upright and survey the area. Unfortunately, minimizing damage against an outbreak this large is difficult, and the surrounding area will likely be condemned for some time. Focusing on my companions, they fare little better. Tsubasa-san is sitting up, her breathing still heavy, but her eyes are focused and alert. Chris lies on her back, eyes closed and breath still heavy, but growing more even. _I should help her train her stamina…_ Honestly, her tenacity impresses me, especially with as little endurance training as she has. Ichaival claims a heavy toll, but, while fighting, Chris’ will is steel. Although I hope the day will never come, I believe that, should she wish it, Chris would continue fighting a single battle until her voice and body gave out, and blood flowed from her mouth.

Scooting closer, I lean over to examine Chris. Her left eye opens as my shadow falls over her face, and I smile in return. Her smirk catches me off-guard as she pulls my face to hers, right hand gripping just behind my left ear. Soft lips capture mine, and the unexpected contact shorts my brain. Though we just barely finished a battle, for a few moments, she is the only thing that matters. Shortly, she pulls away, her heated breath brushing against my lips as I struggle to restart my mind. “A reward, for before. Thank you.” She releases me before closing her eyes once more, apparently focused on steadying her breathing. Quickly scanning the area once more, I notice Tsubasa-san sitting more rigidly than before, a faint tint of red on her cheeks. _Oh, no. Did she see that?_ Chris always warns me to be cautious, but does she not care if Tsubasa-san sees us? I will need to talk with our idol friend once we have a couple minutes to ourselves. Section 2’s recovery team arrives, and we each trudge exhaustedly back to our own rooms once we arrive back at Lydian.

A transponder squawk rips me from my exhausted sleep. Fumbling, I finally manage to grab it and groggily respond. Another Noise materialization. _So soon?_ Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I hastily grab my necessities before sprinting out the door, having fallen asleep in my clothes from yesterday. The soft light of dawn tells me that the day has barely begun, yet we must once more face a foe that only we can fight. Thankfully, the corridors and campus are clear of students and teachers this early in the day, so no one questions my mad dash to our rendezvous point. We have one helicopter on standby for times like this, and I hope that this one remains intact today. Tsubasa-san arrived first, her long combat training and experience allowing her to be alert and ready much faster than me. Chris arrives shortly after, her labored breathing and bloodshot eyes betraying her lack of sleep and lingering exhaustion.

Anxiously biting my bottom lip, every ounce of effort is required to stop myself from immediately going to her side. Chris hates when I fuss over her too much, and I try to humor her. Once we climb aboard, the pilot, a woman, briefs us on our current situation. The Noise appeared in a more rural area, so it will take some time to get there. My brow knits in frustration at the news. We will certainly arrive late, which means that we are simply cleaning up the aftermath. Hopefully, Section 1 manages to evacuate some of the civilians in time, though the troops will suffer losses.

Scanning the team, concern lights anew when I see Chris. Though she stands, holding one of the ceiling straps, her eyes are closed while her head nods in half-slumber. Quickly moving to her side, I pull her right arm around my shoulders and support her left side with my other hand. Her violet eyes crack open, and she gives me a weak smile in return, clearly too exhausted to do anything else. Her eyes slide closed as she steadies her breathing, seeking a calm, even rhythm. Unsure of what else to do, I gently rub her side, attempting to comfort her. Chris sighs in response, leaning heavily into me. For a moment, her presence overwhelms my senses. Her scent tickles my nose while her soft body presses against me. Lightly shaking my head, I brush my lips briefly against her ash-blond hair. No matter what happens, we will be there for each other.

Once I look away, my eyes meet Tsubasa-san’s. Her concern is clear, though she seems to trust that I have everything in hand. She briefly nods, acknowledging my efforts before turning her attention elsewhere. Her actions cause me to wonder how much she knows about us. She said that both Chris and I spoke with her about the circumstances that lead to _us_, but whether she knows about our current relationship is unknown to me. Witnessing Chris’ kiss yesterday must have raised suspicions, yet now is not the time to press for details. Rotor noise is our only accompaniment for most of our flight.

“Alright, girls, time to wake up and get ready.” The pilot’s voice chimes in over the earpieces, and Chris’ eyes flutter open in response. Freeing her arm from around my shoulders, she rubs her eyes while bracing herself against me. Holding her up is easy, so I raise no objections while she prepares herself. Tsubasa-san slides open the side door, and roaring wind joins the rotor noise. “Get ready. Go!”

“_Balwisyall nescell Gungnir tron._” Gungnir’s heat rises from my heart, and the sensation of armor reconfiguring radiates throughout my body. Though no longer painful, as it once was, feeling my body alive with Gungnir’s energy is a strange and empowering experience. The research team calls it “fusion syndrome,” but fancy names are unimportant. When I fight, Gungnir _is_ my body, and I give everything I have to protect that which I hold dear. Soil and vegetation explode out from under me as I land, and I pray that none of it hits Chris. _She will be so angry with me if I hit her because of my carelessness._ Standing as I survey the area, my body radiates heat, and not only from the vents in my armor. My skin feels as though heat rises directly from within, and the air passing between my lips is hot. It passes quickly, but the experience leaves me wondering as I join my companions.

Sure enough, Chris fires a withering glare in my direction as she brushes dirt from her hair. Tsubasa-san adds her disapproval as she does the same, so I hastily apologize. We landed in a roadside clearing not far from the outbreak, judging from the sounds of screaming and gunfire. Tsubasa-san motions us onward, laying out engagement priorities on the fly. She will be protecting Chris this time, leaving me free to assist the Section 1 troops. Hopefully, the Noise will see me as the greater threat, giving the soldiers time to retreat. Barreling into the combat zone, an idea occurs to me. _I should give this a try._ Taking a moment to concentrate, my right gauntlet reconfigures itself into a powered driver. Examining the result, I nod in satisfaction before launching myself skyward. A large ground-based Noise stands out as a priority threat. _I really hope this works._ Gungnir’s song reaches a fever pitch just as I fire my armor and gauntlet jets to dive down, easily piercing through the massive Noise and slamming into the earth below. The driver, spinning up the entire trip downward, slams forward, and the following concussive blast of energy rips apart the soil for several meters around me, along with whatever Noise finds itself within the blast radius. Quickly standing, a smile touches my lips as I briefly admire my handiwork. _That should get their attention._

The Section 1 troops begin their retreat, waving in appreciation. I wave back before turning my attention to the remaining threat. The steady chatter of Ichaival’s guns and the occasional rumble of rocket detonations tell me that Chris is hard at work, Tsubasa-san guarding her back with a precision I have yet to master. Slamming my fists together, I begin my song once more, this time to protect those who are cannot defend themselves, no matter how hard they might try. Noise array themselves before me, and, if I have my way, none of them will get past me to the retreating soldiers. Releasing the energy in my gauntlet, it returns to its original, comfortable shape and weight. The first Noise to attack falls to my waiting fist, and my piece of ground soon erupts in chaos. Standing still is foolish, but excessive movement also hinders me, so I reposition only as necessary, periodically throwing myself forward to pierce through tighter clusters before engaging a gauntlet to obliterate several Noise at once. This tactic causes me to wonder why I, or Tsubasa-san, never end a battle covered in ash, despite our proximity to carbonizing Noise. Likely, it has something to do with the Symphogear energy barriers or some other complicated technology-based reason and thinking about it will only give me a headache.

Searing heat behind me signals Tsubasa-san’s arrival, her katana blade engulfed in flames as she finishes her cleaving dash, Noise disintegrating behind her. Signing my appreciation, I face forward, knowing that the foe in front will now taste the full might of Gungnir, since I no longer need to watch my back. Stepping hard into a forward stance, my armored fist shatters the first Noise, the pile bunker I engaged previously slamming forth to release a focused blast of energy, ripping apart every enemy for several meters in a line behind it. Seeing it brings a small smile to my face, startling myself in the process. The darkness at the edge of my vision encroaches a bit further, and Gungnir whispers just a bit stronger. Steeling my heart, I fight back against my inner demons while simultaneously annihilating the remaining threat. Soon, the area is clear, and I breathe heavily, frozen in place by what I feel.

_It’s hot._ That strange sensation is back, and the vegetation around me withers in response to the excessive heat. My breath hot, I hastily disengage my armor transformation, returning to my normal clothing. Sweat drips down my face in a futile attempt to cool my body as I collapse backward, much more exhausted than I should be. _What is going on? This never happened before…_ Gentle arms wrap around me from behind, causing me to turn my head. Chris is there, clearly concerned, but unsure of what to do. “Hey, you alright?”

“I’m not sure.” My response is honest, and Chris’ brow knits in worry as her eyes narrow. If anyone else asked, I likely would deflect their concern. Chris, however, knows me very well, and she would pester me until she received the truth, so responding honestly saves time. Plus, lying to Chris feels wrong at this point. “I feel more tired than usual, and I’m really hot.”

“I can feel that much, idiot.” I forget that Chris’ tongue can be so sharp, since most of my time with her lately is just the two of us, where she relaxes and speaks softer. Resting her head on my shoulder, she sighs before quietly speaking. “I hope you’re not sick. I don’t need another reason to worry.” Taking her hand, I gently squeeze it to reassure her. Whatever this sensation is, illness is unlikely, since it seems directly linked to Gungnir. My body slowly cools while we wait for pickup, and in that time, Chris dozes off, armor disengaged, and arms still wrapped around me.

_She’s so vulnerable like this._ Seeing her this way makes it hard to believe that, not so long ago, she was guarded and hostile towards everyone, including me. The change in her heart was great if she trusts me this much. Of course, the path we walked was difficult, and we each relied on the other simply to live relatively normal lives, but, somewhere along the line, my place in Chris’ heart grew larger than I ever imagined possible. “How is she?” Tsubasa-san’s quiet, even tone pulls me from my memories. Looking up, her blue eyes show concern for her friend and comrade.

“Chris seems fine, just tired. I don’t think she got enough sleep last night.” Granted, I slept less than I would have liked, but who knows if Chris was able to fall asleep quickly or sleep well? I know that she sometimes has trouble sleeping well, though I believe that happens less in recent days.

“Pick up arrived just now. Should we wake her, or…?” Tsubasa-san looks to me questioningly.

“I can carry her.” With Tsubasa-san’s assistance, I loop my arms under Chris’ legs and stand, supporting her weight against my back. Chris is not necessarily heavy, but my fatigue wears on me. I should be fine for the short walk to the car, at least. What I forgot was that this position causes her breasts to press into my back, and my face heats in response, Chris’ previous questions rising to the surface. _“Do you want to touch me, to look at me?”_ Honestly, answering those questions is difficult, even now. Like I told her before, I think I want to, but I cannot say for sure. There are moments when her body distracts me, like yesterday and now, but whether that is what Chris meant is unclear to me. I certainly wanted to touch her that day, but it may have been a reaction to her fascinated gaze and gentle, reverent touch. Remembering that causes my heart to race. No one has ever looked at me like that before, even before I came to Lydian.

Tsubasa-san helps me sit Chris in the middle seat once we reach the car, the two of us acting as a buffer on either side. Once I seat myself, Chris’ head comes to rest on my shoulder, her gentle, even breathing still that of sleep. Quietly chuckling to myself, I brush her hair from her face before tracing her scars. _They trouble her so much, even though it doesn’t matter to me._ Remembering Chris’ cautions and warnings, I only trace them for a few moments before lowering my hand. The driver, seeing that we are settled, carefully starts our journey back to Lydian. The first few minutes pass in silence before Tsubasa-san’s husky voice quietly breaks the silence. “Tachibana, would you talk with me for a while?”

“Of course.” I respond quietly. The last time I spoke with Tsubasa-san alone was when I asked her for advice regarding Chris’ confession, so I look forward to talking with her.

“I spoke with Yukine several days ago, and some of the things she said caused me to wonder.” _This might not be as pleasant as I thought._ “First, I want to confirm one thing.” Her serious eyes mean that there is no dodging allowed. “How do you feel about her?” Looking down at the girl sleeping next to me, I quietly answer the only way possible.

“I love her.” _Yes, just as she loves me._ Meeting that blue-eyed gaze once more, I tell Tsubasa-san what I feel in my heart. “I wasn’t sure how this would go, at first, but I’m glad I decided to try. I was very confused for a long time, but I finally figured it out. Wherever I go, I want Chris to be there with me. I want to give her a chance to live a normal life, free from the pain that has haunted her for so long.”

“So, it is true.” The idol closes her eyes briefly before opening them again. “Yukine said as much, yet I hesitated to believe her. Your situation is rare, though not unique, so I wanted to confirm what you felt.” She is silent for several moments before speaking again. “You said that you had difficulty understanding her love before, yet I must ask: were you ever interested in anyone before? Not exclusively girls, of course. It would be normal if you were interested in a guy, instead.”

After searching my memories for several moments, I nervously respond, unsure of what Tsubasa-san is trying to accomplish. “No. Everyone around me distanced themselves after that concert, and they tormented me on top of everything. Miku was the only one who stood by me, and I never felt anything like this toward her. She was a precious friend, but that was all.” Narrowing my eyes, I search further, deeper into my past, but no one comes to mind. Surely, if I felt like this before, I would remember it.

“I see.” Looking to the sleeping Chris, Tsubasa-san asks, “Then, it is just her?”

“Yes, only Chris. I can’t imagine being with anyone else.”

“What made you fall for her?” That question surprises me, and I think for several seconds before responding.

“Her heart.” I believe I said this to Chris before, but I wanted to be certain before I answered my idol friend. “Despite everything she’s endured, Chris is kind and caring. She helped me so much, even though she claimed it was a trade, and she was so patient with me after I accepted her confession.” My eyes drift to Chris’ peaceful expression, her even breathing still uninterrupted. “She told me that she would wait, no matter how long it took, and that, even if I never came to understand her, she would be happy just being by my side. How could I not fall in love with her after that? Though,” my heavy sigh shows my exasperation, “I still think she sacrifices far too much.”

“Yukine does that for you _and_ herself, Tachibana.” Tsubasa-san’s forceful tone is unexpected. “It may not seem selfish, but from what I can tell, she worries constantly about whether what she wants might drive you away.” Chris said that before, so I nod in response. “Denying her desires _is_ a great sacrifice, but that sacrifice is a selfish one. Yukine desires much from you, yes, but I think she wishes to be beside you far more than anything else she could possibly ask from you.” The idol falls silent, giving me time to think over her words. Chris said something very similar a few weeks ago, but hearing it from someone else, especially Tsubasa-san, whom I greatly respect, reinforces just how important I am to Chris. _Now that I think about it, how did this happen? Half a year ago, Chris found me irritating and disliked being around me too much. Now, she wants nothing more than to be with me, always. Love is a very strange emotion._ Thinking too much leads to my self-confidence taking a hit, but Tsubasa-san’s gesture interrupts my musing. Leaning closer, her next words cause every thought to derail. “So, when did you two… um… first kiss?”

_She saw us…_ I figured she had but was not expecting her blunt question. Shocked and embarrassed, I quickly glance at the driver, who seems oblivious to our conversation, before quietly responding. “_Tsubasa-san…_ W-Why would ask me _that_? Especially right now?” Her cheeks tinted red, Tsubasa-san fidgets nervously.

“Yesterday, I, well, _never_ expected to see that. I expected Yukine to enjoy it, but you lost yourself for a few seconds, as well, so I guessed it was not the first time.” Blue eyes turn away from mine. “I am curious about how you two came to this point. Forgive me if I pry too much, but I _do_ worry for you, both of you.” The idol’s eyes meet mine once more, full of expectation. “So? What happened?”

_What do I say?_ Words tumble around in my brain, useless without direction. “It was wonderful.” The soft voice from my shoulder startles both Tsubasa-san and myself. “This idiot worked so hard for me, and she finally found her heart’s desire.” Startled blue eyes meet my startled gold brown. Neither of us noticed when Chris woke up, her violet eyes half-closed. “At least, that’s what I like to think. Only _she_ knows the real answer, after all.” Chris holds one of my hands, palm upright as she traces small patterns on it. “Is it too much to hope…?” Her voice becomes too quiet to hear, leaving the phrase a mystery. _Is there something else she hopes for?_ If there is, I wish she would tell me. I would do everything possible to grant her wish, even if it killed me. _No, I can’t die. It would defeat the point, since whatever Chris wishes for, I need to be there._

Closing my hand over hers, I reassure my beloved. “You’re not wrong, Chris, though you aren’t completely right, either.” Looking to Tsubasa-san, I clarify. “Chris gave me a goal, and it took me a while to realize what I was doing wrong. Once I figured it out, what I felt in my heart became clearer. I realized that I didn’t just want her to be happy, I want to be there to help make her happy.” The three of us fall silent after that, Chris dozing off again for a short while before we arrive back at Lydian.

Technically, we are absent due to some plausible excuse, likely work for Tsubasa-san, so we have the day off. Chris, finally awake, suggests that we go somewhere to eat, and both the idol and I agree wholeheartedly. Though she tries to hide it, a small smirk at the corner of Chris’ lips hints that there is more to the suggestion than it seems. The restaurant we choose warms my heart, since it is the same that Chris first brought me to after she convinced me to come out of my room, all those months ago. Once seated and our orders placed, Chris reveals her true goal. “So, all this talk about love and how we’re doing, but I haven’t heard anything from you, Ka-za-na-ri.” Hearing Chris use someone else’s name causes a strange twinge in my heart, though I know that she is only teasing Tsubasa-san. “How is _your_ love life going, oh great idol-sama?” Suddenly the focus of our embarrassing discussion, our friend’s face turns crimson.

“Th-This is sudden, Yukine. What brought this on?” Flustered, Tsubasa-san loses some of her composure. “Surely my life is of little interest to _you_, especially now that Tachibana-”

“Nope. No dodging allowed.” Chris’ eyes pin our friend to her seat, and she wilts under the intense scrutiny. “It’s only fair that you have a turn, since you know so much about us.” Tsubasa-san falls silent for several minutes, fidgeting nervously under Chris’ stare while her eyes remain fixed to the tabletop. Our server breaks the tense, awkward atmosphere with her arrival. I tear into my meal wholeheartedly, since using Gungnir today required much more energy than usual. Chris remains focused on Tsubasa-san, not giving our friend any slack even while eating. Tsubasa-san’s hands move, but she has yet to bring any of her meal to her lips. After a few moments, she sets her utensils down, her eyes coming up to meet ours. Her serious expression slows me, eventually halting my localized demolishment of food.

“In truth, Yukine, I never gave myself the chance.” Her stern expression never wavers. “I activated Ame no Habakiri at a young age, so I dedicated myself to becoming a blade, a sword to protect humanity. A sword has many uses, but none include loving another.” Tsubasa-san’s eyes narrow, halting my breath, for my gut tells me that this next part is related, in part, to me. “I had a friend, before. A friend I was very close with and trusted with everything. Kanade gave her life doing what she wished, and, once she was gone, I realized that I lacked resolve. Ever since, finding happiness in such a way is the last thing on my mind.”

Tsubasa-san’s eyes grow unfocused, perhaps looking inward. “Do I long for it? Am I so interested in you two because you have what I cannot? It is difficult to say whether that is the case, but” her blue eyes focus on us once more, “you two give each other hope. Hope for a future where everything is better, even if it takes a long time. All I know is the sword, my duty as a protector. I do wish to bring my songs to the world, to bring people together even if we cannot understand each other’s words. That dream is mine, but, with the Noise still a threat, it feels out of reach.” During her speech, Tsubasa-san’s tone grew somber and quiet, and she nearly whispers now. “I am a failure as a human, but this is the only way I know how to live.”

Tense, awkward silence descends for several moments as Tsubasa-san’s eyes fall away from our faces to study the tabletop. My breathing is light and quiet to avoid disturbing the tense atmosphere. _This is bad. Tsubasa-san is never like this, lately._ A heavy, exasperated sigh shatters the silence as Chris relents. “Alright, fine. I’ll drop it. Seeing you like this isn’t what I wanted, so we can move on.” Glancing over, I watch Chris’ eyes soften slightly, which is very rare if she is not looking at me. “We all have our demons to face, and I wish you luck in facing yours.” Tsubasa-san nods her acknowledgement, and we finish our meal in awkward silence.

Each member of the trio parts ways once we return to Lydian. As badly as I want to head back to my room to sleep, I have somewhere else I need to visit first. The Section 2 staff is surprised to see me, especially so soon after a mission, when they know I have yet to finish my report. “Tachibana-san, greetings.” I wish I could remember the names of all the staff members, but I spend very little time around the medical and research teams, lately, so I respond as ambiguously as possible. “Is there something we can do for you?” After voicing my request, the staff appears confused, and mildly concerned. “Understood. Come with me.” The aide who leads me is the same that usually greeted Chris and me for her medical exams while she was recovering from her injuries. _This all feels terribly nostalgic._ About three and a half months have passed since Chris last needed to come here, but it feels much longer than that. So much changed in the time between when she finished her physical therapy and now that it almost feels like another life, a world separated from the one in which I currently live.

The exams and scans I requested require several hours out of the day, so, once they finish, I leave exhausted and hungry. Granted, the latter is a state I find myself in regularly, so I take a quick detour to the nearby convenience store to purchase dinner. While I possess _some_ domestic skill, cooking escapes me, much to my dismay. _I love food, yet I can’t make anything decent myself. I’m such a failure…_ Shaking the thought away, I reflect on what the results of my exams might be. The results will be ready in three days, so I will do everything possible to avoid worrying about them too much. I am uncertain whether I should worry at all, but I will avoid alerting Chris that something bothers me until I know whether it is something to worry about or not.

Upon returning to my dorm room, I sigh dejectedly as I seat myself to write my mission report for Master. This is my least favorite part of working with Section 2, but the importance of these reports has been stressed time and again, so I complete them to the best of my ability. The hour is late when I finish, and I am eager for bed. However, bathing comes first. Soaking in the bath feels great after an exhausting day, and my mind wanders as my fatigue soaks away. _How is Chris doing? I hope she’s feeling alright._ Lately, I worry about Chris often. Though she is only one year older than me, she has experienced more in her short life than most twice her age, and few of those experiences were good. Unfortunately, she is very adept at hiding her emotions in most situations, so I have trouble determining whether she is troubled.

_Chris…_ Just thinking about her pushes most other thoughts from my mind and warms my heart. There is still much to learn about our relationship, but I know one thing for sure. Just as I told her and Tsubasa-san, I want to be there when Chris finally finds the joy she was denied for so long. It may take a long time, possibly most of our lives at worst, but that is my greatest wish right now. _I hope my test results come back with nothing to worry about._ Pushing another worry onto Chris’ mind will only make my goal harder to achieve, for she already worries enough. Feeling lightheaded, I hastily climb out before I faint. _That would be embarrassing, fainting because I was thinking about Chris too much._

The three-day interval passes normally. I avoid bringing up the topic of my medical exams, and Chris seems content to avoid prying too deeply into what happened during our last mission. She appears better rested, lifting one concern from my already overworked mind. As always, we spend small moments of free time together, though we do little more than that. Tsubasa-san checks in with us on the second day, looking much better than she did during Chris’ impromptu interrogation. Our idol friend usually recovers quickly, but I still worry about her during times like this. I know how troubled she can be about her life, so I do what I can as a friend to help her enjoy these small moments together. Chris’ harsh manner towards Tsubasa-san rarely changes, but our senior deftly deflects her sharp words.

Our half-day arrives, and I receive a private call from Section 2 asking me to stop by after classes end for the day. Though nervous, I am eager to see the results, for they may help me understand my bond with Gungnir a little better. I find Chris just after classes end to let her know that I have something to attend to, so she can go home ahead of me. Her expression falls slightly, but she gives her understanding. _I feel bad. She was looking forward to spending time together today._ In truth, so was I, but these results are slightly more important right now. Once I arrive, the subdued manner of the staff puts me on edge. I am quietly led inside to a room displaying images of my scans. What I see is not encouraging. Dark tendrils snake through my body, and my heart quickens with anxiety. _What does all this mean?_ “Hibiki-kun, you are here.” Master’s voice addresses me from the door, so I turn to meet his stern expression.

“Master, what does all this mean?” My voice trembles, despite my efforts to suppress it, as I turn back to the hanging images. I miss his expression as he speaks, but what I hear is worse than I ever could have guessed.


	7. Wildfire

_Everything is falling apart around me. My dreams of a future, what I want to give the one most important to me; everything may be for naught…_

_I must tell her. I’m so afraid, but I can’t avoid this… What’s going to happen to us?_ Several hours passed since the results of my tests came back, and I have yet to leave my room or contact anyone. Numb with shock, I lie on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling above me. My eyes sting from crying, but not because of old wounds. These are newly opened, bleeding hope from my heart in the worst way possible. Fear, depression, pain; so many emotions swirl within my heart that keeping track of them is impossible. _Why? Why did this happen _now_?_ Closing my burning eyes, I reflect on Master’s words once more.

_“Hibiki-kun, I need you to stay calm. What we see here is that Gungnir is fusing deeper into your body. Unfortunately, from what we can tell, this is having adverse effects. Though this is the source of your strength, we discovered something very… disturbing.” I turn back to face Master as his tone grows hard and extremely serious. “Hibiki-kun, if you keep using Gungnir as it is now, it _will_ kill you.” His revelation halts my breath, and my heart races as crushing pressure descends upon my mind. “We require more analysis on whether this is sooner, rather than later, so, for the time being, you are restricted from combat duties until we have a better understanding of the situation.”_

Tears rise unbidden once more, and I sob into my pillow. If I only had to worry about myself, this situation would be difficult, but I could handle it. However, there _is_ someone else involved, and she will not take this news well. _All the promises I made, everything I wish for, what I want to give her; is it truly impossible?_ I could stop fighting. I could leave the Noise to Chris and Tsubasa-san, living my life on the sidelines as support staff, or as a normal person, but I know that is impossible. I have the power to fight, to protect those who cannot protect themselves, and my personality will not allow being a bystander. I must fight for as long as possible, but, now, I am terrified of what may happen. If I overexert myself, I could die, leaving Chris alone again, and, this time, her heart may never recover. _Is it worth fighting if I risk hurting the person I care for most?_ The safe answer is “no,” but I could never forgive myself if something happened to Chris when I could have been there to prevent it, so I _will_ fight for as long as possible.

Sleep eludes me that night, my heart wracked with disbelief and pain. My mind spins, dreading the inevitable conversation with Chris. I cannot lie to her, not with the relationship we have now. She is so important to me, as I am to her, though I may be the _most_ important thing to Chris right now. Tears cease to flow at some point, though I still cry often, dry sobs quietly echoing in the still air of my too-spacious room. Eventually, loneliness overwhelms my sense of caution. The hour is still very early, so I quietly make my way to Chris’ dorm room, suppressing my anxiety as much as possible. I knock quietly once I reach her door. I receive no response, of course, so I quietly knock again. _I don’t want to disturb her this early, but I know Chris is a light sleeper, and I can’t stand being alone right now._ Soft footsteps follow my second knock, and the door opens to reveal a half-asleep Chris in her nightwear. Under normal circumstances, I would enjoy the view, but this is far from normal. “Idiot,” her quiet voice is tinged with sleep, “what are you doing here so early?” Once she notices my appearance, her remaining drowsiness drains away. “Hey, what’s-”

“Chris!” Not waiting for her to finish, I cling onto her as I push her back into the room, my voice hoarse, but still quiet. “Chris, I don’t know what I should do. I’m a liar, a failure, useless.” My exhausted, broken mind babbles forth desperate words into her chest. “I promised you so much, but I don’t know if I can keep those promises.” Chris’ voice reaches my ears, but the dam on my thoughts is broken. “I don’t want to leave you alone again. I hate the thought of-”

“Hibiki!” My name snaps me to attention, along with Chris’ hands guiding my eyes to hers. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. What happened? Why are you here at this hour?” Her concern only worsening my despair, I sob dryly once more, unable to respond. Softly, she manages to shut the door; her hand gently comes to rest on my head, stroking my hair to calm me. The last time Chris did this for me, we were still rooming together while her injuries healed, and I was recovering from Miku’s death. Her soft touch helps soothe the storm of emotions raging within me, and I eventually calm.

“Feeling better?” I silently nod against Chris’ chest in answer to her gentle concern. “Well enough to talk?” I shake my head. “Alright, but do one thing for me,” I glance up to meet her eyes, “get some rest. We’re going back to bed for a while.” I cling tighter to her, afraid that she will try to make me leave. Chris’ soft laugh startles me, but my embrace remains firm. “I never said you had to leave, but I need you to let go for a bit.” Reluctantly, I honor her request, my eyes studying the floor while I wait. “Why are you still over there? Come here.” Looking up, I fail to suppress a surprised gasp. Chris holds the blanket on _her_ bunk open, waving me over.

This development is so far beyond my expectations that I can only ask in disbelief, “Um… Are you sure?”

“Don’t question it, idiot. Just come.” Stunned, I slowly make my way to Chris’ side, glancing up questioningly once more. Chris gives a firm nod, so I climb into her bed. While settling in, many sensations wash over me. _It’s warm, and it smells like Chris._ Once satisfied, Chris crawls in beside me, settling herself facing me. Feeling guilty about disturbing her, I avert my eyes from her face, so I fail to notice her arm wrapping around me to pull me close.

“Ah!”

“Shh!” Chris warns me to silence. “You’ll wake the neighbors, idiot.” Once more, she strokes my hair, but Chris _never_ allowed this much contact when we slept together before, so calming my heart is hard. Eventually, her scent and warmth calm me, and her heartbeat soothes my mind. Hesitantly, I reach my arms around her. “It’s alright.” I hug her tight with her reassurance, burying my face in her chest. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m here for you.” Chris’ lips brush against my hair. “I’m always here for you, Hibiki, no matter what.”

“You are so kind, Chris, even to someone like me.” My voice wavers, still hoarse from crying myself dry earlier.

“Of course, I’m kind to you, idiot.” Her comforting touch never falters, even as she gently chides me. “I love you. Now, get some sleep. You’re exhausted, and it will be better to talk once you’re rested.” Chris’ efforts to calm me draw me gently toward sleep, her loving warmth and soothing scent enveloping me as my consciousness fades.

Terrifying dreams plague my sleep. In some, I watch Chris slowly fall apart after I die, her heart broken, and all joy sucked from her life, where she fights against the Noise with a desperation and ferocity I have never seen, and, though I call out to her, begging her not to be so reckless, my voice never reaches her. In others, my death triggers her own. Unable to summon hope and live on, Chris commits suicide using varying methods. Each new image strains my heart, each possible future conjured by my fear and guilt tears open wounds in my soul. Gasping, I jolt awake, finally free from my nightmares. I still hug Chris tightly against me, yet she fell asleep at some point, her left arm around my waist and her right hand resting against the back of my head. Sighing, I breathe deep, inhaling her calming scent before once more opening my eyes.

Chris must have been exhausted if she is still asleep, especially taking my nightmares into consideration. Usually, slight stimuli will wake her, but not today. Bright sunlight shining on the blinds means that the day began some time ago, but I want to let her sleep for a while longer. Doing so means that she will be better rested, and it allows me to procrastinate just a little longer. Focusing on the girl in my arms, I smile. Seeing Chris completely relaxed is a rare luxury, and she is so _beautiful_ when unguarded. Unfortunately for my sanity, I notice too late that her cleavage is exposed right in front of my face.

My breath halts as my heart quickens. Her scars rest right before my eyes, and the combination of lying on her side and my body pressed into her squishes her breasts together. Heat rises in my face, but, in this position, I cannot easily look away. Instead, I close my eyes, breathing slowly to calm my racing heart and banish wicked thoughts from my mind. Once calm, I open my eyes once more. The view still affects me, but my resistance is stronger now. _Chris does so much for me, and all I give in return is trouble and worry._ Before I realize, my lips press against the scarring on her chest. The texture is strange, but I will not let it bother me. Moving on, I place another kiss just below the hollow of her neck. That elicits a brief sigh from Chris, so I nervously watch her sleeping face for several seconds before releasing a relieved sigh. _I would die of embarrassment if she saw this._ Returning to my spontaneous task, I plant a kiss on the base of her neck before slowly working upward, halting for a few moments when Chris sighs or shifts. Once I reach her lips, I hesitate. _If I do this, what will happen?_ Waking her with a kiss would be incredibly intimate, but is my heart ready for that? I settle for placing one on her cheek, but, as I move in, what my lips meet is not what I intended.

Unexpected force pulling me into her, Chris’ lips meet mine, sending my mind reeling. For a time, we lose ourselves in each other, heated breath caressing the other’s lips when we pull away to quickly breathe before coming together once more. Once satisfied, Chris pulls away, sighing contentedly while my brain restarts. _She was awake?! For how long? This is so embarrassing…_ My face is on fire, so I avoid Chris’ eyes until my blush fades. Glancing up, Chris wears an extremely satisfied smirk on her face, and I become indignant. “How long were you awake?”

Thinking briefly, she answers smugly, “Since you kissed my scars.”

_From the beginning?!_ “Why didn’t you say anything?! That’s so mean… I’m so embarrassed…”

Chris gently guides my eyes back up to hers, her voice softening. “I wanted to see what you would do.” The amused light in her eyes fades. “My beloved idiot came to me in the middle of the night, distraught, exhausted and babbling nonsense. Was it wrong to allow you some time to distract yourself? Plus,” she sighs softly, “I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. Seeing you like this… Every moment we spend together leads to new discoveries, and I wanted a few selfish moments for myself.” Chris’ expression becomes serious. “Now that we have that out of the way, what did you _really_ come here for? Believing you missed me so much that you sought me out in the middle of the night would be a pleasant, well, more than pleasant, lie; but this is clearly very serious.” Her burning, determined stare allows no retreat. “So? Out with it.”

Taking several deeps breaths, I ask Chris once I feel calmer. “Chris, can you promise me something?” She nods. “Can you promise to stay calm, no matter what I say?”

“That’s hard to say, but I will do what I can.” Knowing that is the best answer she can give, I press on.

“Um… I… Ah…” Words fail me, but Chris waits patiently, never pushing. She did the same when I talked with her about Miku. No matter how hard it was for me, she sat patiently, lending her own brand of comfort if I needed it, listening once I could speak. _Was it during those times that she fell in love with me? I know they lead to her being extremely important to me, but…_ Shaking the thought away, I focus on what I must say _now_. “Remember when my body was very hot after our last mission?” She nods, and I nervously continue, “Well, I visited the Section 2 teams after that, and asked them to do some tests and scans.” Chris lets out a quiet “I see,” and I am thankful for her ability to grasp situations quickly. “Um… What I found out is… terrifying.” Chris’ eyes harden, and her body tenses against me. “Gungnir, it’s, um, fusion with me is…” Forcing out the words is incredibly difficult, and fresh tears well in my eyes once I do, “killing me.” Squeezing my eyes shut to halt the tears, I miss Chris’ facial expression, but judging from the crushing hug I now find myself in, she took the news as badly I feared.

“This is true? Every word?” Chris’ voice trembles as she speaks, and I can hear her rapid heartbeat.

“Yes, Master told me this himself.” Chris clicks her tongue in frustration. Knowing that Master is involved tells her how serious my circumstances are, though she hates it. Releasing the crushing pressure of her hug, Chris settles for a gentler embrace, her hand once more stroking my hair.

“Does it progress even without materializing your Gear?” I expected questions like this, and, luckily, Master filled me in on many details from the reports.

“It seems it only gets worse when I activate and release Gungnir.” A bitter laugh sounds out from above me.

“That’s easy, then. You can just stop fighting.”

“I can’t.” Desperation enters my voice while tears form once more. “It would be so much easier if I could, but, Chris, if something were to happen to you, and I wasn’t there to stop it, I could never forgive myself.” Tears spill forth as my willpower breaks down. “I have the power to fight, to protect those who can’t protect themselves. This power also helps me protect what is most important to me… _you_.” Chris’ eyes widen in surprise. She is confident in her ability to take care of herself, so hearing that must be startling. “The idea that the same power that I protect you with will eventually take me from you…” I fall silent, tears running down my cheeks to disappear into the sheets.

A gentle hand wipes tears from my eyes, and I meet Chris’ violet ones, filled with concern. “This burden is heavy, isn’t it?” I nod. “Haaah… What a twisted life we lead.” Her eyes grow unfocused. “On one hand, if we leave it behind, we abandon the world to a cruel fate. On the other, if we keep fighting, we eventually burn away our lives protecting others.” Chris gazes deep into my eyes searching for the answers she wants. “Yet another possibility is that we never came into this life, but where would that leave us? I would probably have never met you, never fought against and beside you, never been there to comfort you when your friend died. Hell, she may never have even died.” Another bitter laugh follows that phrase. “It sounds morbid, but I would never change the past. While I regret her death, it led us to this present. Without it, I might never have fallen in love with you, never experienced the warmth of your smile, never kissed you…” She steadies herself with a breath, “never found the place I was meant to be. This path is hard, this life is painful, but I want to experience as much of it as possible with you.”

“Thank you, Chris.” My voice is subdued and quiet. “I want that, too, I really do, but staying positive is so hard… Ouch!” A sharp flick to my forehead snaps me back to attention. “What was that for?”

“My girlfriend needs to stop thinking so much. It doesn’t suit her.” Sulking, I reluctantly agree. “We’ll handle this together, but, for now, we should probably get out of bed. I don’t want to waste the weekend on depressing stuff like this.”

Once dressed and ready, Chris leads me by the hand away from Lydian. The school grounds are quiet, due to the lack of students currently here, but her bold action still makes me anxious. We avoid notice and leave campus shortly after. Still holding my hand, Chris guides me to a nearby electronics shop. Though I am curious, talking about my condition with Chris has not lifted the great weight from my mind, so I stay quiet until she prompts me with a surprising question. “Hey, idiot. Help me pick out a phone?”

“Wh-?” Now, _this_ was unexpected. Chris never expresses interest in keeping in touch with others, though she _does_ complain often about how hard it is to contact me about anything important. “O-Of course, I’ll help you.” Throwing my hands up, I exclaim in joy. “Yay! The day has finally come that Chris buys a phone!” Chris quickly shushes me, but I drew a lot of attention with my outburst. “I’m sorry.” I lower my volume to apologize. “It’s just that I’ve wanted to message and call you for so long.” I meet Chris’ eyes, filled with confusion. “I want to talk with you even when we are apart, and this will make it easier to contact each other if something happens…” Realizing that line of thought can lead to heavier topics, I quickly steer away from it. “Come on, let’s find you a good one!”

Chris seems to be in a hurry, likely to escape from the crowded store and the stares her scars attract, but her haste is in vain. _Since she hasn’t owned one before, finding one that’s easy to use would be better…_ Our Section 2 transponders work simply, so _any_ phone is naturally more complicated. Holding firm against her protests, I search with her for one that fits well with both her novice skill level and Chris, herself. _Something cute, yet functional… Aha!_ Holding one up, I ask Chris what she thinks. Her response is uninterested and aggressive, as expected, but she accepts my choice after some persuasion. The rest of the outing is spent setting up her service and teaching her how to use the new phone, but I would call it a success, in more ways than one. Setting Chris up with a phone distracted us enough that our earlier conversation never came up, and, once I return to my room, I am so happy about finally being able to talk with Chris like I do with everyone else important to me that my potentially imminent death never enters my mind.

_“I’m so happy you have a phone!” And… send._ I hesitated for a moment before sending the message, but I am eager to see how Chris responds. A few minutes pass before I receive the notification, but I open it once it arrives. “Let’s see… ‘It’s nothing to be so excited about, idiot. I have work to do, so don’t bother me for a while.’ …Seems like her harsh manner never changes.” Softly sighing, I start on my own pile of schoolwork. The night passes quietly, the scratch of pencil on paper and the occasional tapping of keys on my laptop my only accompaniment. True to her word, Chris refrains from sending me anything. _For someone that dislikes people and society so much, she’s a very diligent student._ After bathing and changing for bed, I hesitate once more, phone in hand. Eventually, I decide to risk sending Chris a goodnight message. “_Goodnight. I hope your schoolwork went well, and… I love you.”_ I could probably boil water on my head right now, so I send the message before I have time to rethink and change it. “No matter how, telling her that is _so_ embarrassing…” I quietly mutter into empty air while waiting for her reply, if she decides to answer back. I almost decide to give up waiting when my phone chimes. Almost dropping it in my haste, I manage to view Chris’ message, only to have my face ignite once more. _“Of course, it went well. Goodnight, Hibiki. I love you more than anything else this world could possibly give me, and I will always be here if you need me.”_ _Wow… That’s _way_ more embarrassing than what I sent. How does she do that?_ The fact that Chris used my name means that she was serious when she replied, but, knowing her, her face is likely just as red as mine right now.

Sleep comes easier that night, though my dreams remind me that all is not well in my life right now. Again, and again, I watch Chris suffer the consequences of my death. Waking in a cold sweat, my breathing is ragged as I desperately search for my phone. Though I feel terrible about calling her at this hour, I _need_ to hear Chris’ voice right now. Once the call connects, it only rings a couple times before Chris’ angrily alert voice answers. “What do you want? I almost smashed this damn thing when it went off, so this better be important.”

“I’m sorry, Chris.” Hiding the desperation in my voice is impossible. “I… I needed to hear your voice, to know that you’re alright.” Picking up on my tone, Chris’ voice softens.

“Nightmares again?” Chris sighs once I confirm her suspicions. “All I can offer from here are words and my ear, but, if that is enough, I can lose some sleep.” A sad smile creeps onto my face. _Chris is handling all this much better than I thought._ Believing that she is unaffected would be foolish, but I expected something more… dramatic. Ignoring my lingering thoughts, I spend a half-hour or so talking with my most important person about my worries and concerns. Chris reminds me that she is here, and my dreams cannot affect her, but fighting against my fears is hard. She is the first person I have ever loved and leaving when our lives together have barely begun feels terribly cruel. Chris’ gentle tone clashes with her typical harsh manner, causing me to giggle at times, lightening my heart and mind. Hanging up, I feel slightly refreshed. _I shouldn’t call her unless it’s necessary. I don’t want to startle her too much._

The days leading to the next weekend are relatively uneventful. Chris and I agreed that I should call her before heading to bed and doing so reduced my nightmares. Hearing her voice so close is comforting, even if we are apart. I hope that I have the same effect on Chris, but I will never ask her. She is less guarded around me, but she still hides much, probably out of habit. Hopefully, I can tear down that barrier one day, and have Chris finally open her entire heart to me. The weekend arrives, and, though I have yet to hear anything more from Section 2, my emotions are calmer. Talking regularly with Chris helped a great deal, though I am still terrified of what the future may bring. Ignoring dark thoughts, I enjoy the weekend date that Chris planned for us. She still refrains from wearing my favorite dress, but I understand why. Our date went well, so I was not prepared for what happened that night.

Bathed and changed, I was just ready for bed when a quiet knock catches my attention. _Who could that be at this time?_ Chris is the first one that comes to mind, but, now that she has a phone, the idea has less merit. Opening the door reveals… Chris. _Huh?_ “H-Hey.” Her voice is shaky, and she shifts nervously. _This is a lot like what happened when I first kissed her, but the circumstances don’t match up._ “May I come in?”

“Of course.” I step aside, letting Chris inside, though she still appears anxious. “Is something wrong?” Rather than speaking, Chris gently embraces me, burying her face in my chest. _Something is wrong, but what?_ When she is like this, Chris rarely speaks unless she wants to, so I quietly return her embrace, stroking her hair to calm her. She nuzzles into me, sighing softly before muttering to herself. “Do you want to sit?” She nods, so I carefully guide her to sit on the bed. Once we are comfortable, Chris suddenly shifts focus, her lips capturing mine. The last time we kissed was a week ago, after my embarrassing endeavor when I thought her asleep, so I eagerly return her affection. However, I notice too late that something is different.

_She feels… off._ Suddenly, I find myself pinned under Chris, her kisses and breath coming fast and short. Her fingers brush against the exposed skin of my side, and I reflexively gasp. She avoids touching my skin directly under most circumstances, but saying I hate her touch would be a lie. The increased intimacy disrupts my thoughts, for I like this combination more than I expected. Chris’ fingers trail electricity behind them, stimulating my skin in a way I never knew existed. I relish the feeling so much that my awareness fades for a moment. Suddenly, I am ripped back to reality by Chris’ right hand closing around my left breast. During the short time I faded out, she slipped her hand under my shirt, though my bra still blocks her direct touch. The pressure is firm, yet gentle, but the sensation is so alien that I have difficulty processing everything. Struggling, I finally manage to buy time to speak between Chris’ relentless kissing. “H-Hey! What are you doing?”

Ignoring me, Chris seals my lips once more, and I finally realize what felt wrong this whole time. _She’s desperate._ That helps me little in the short term, since Chris gently squeezes and massages, blowing away all conscious thought for a few seconds. Briefly lost in the world she created, I return her kisses with vigor, small moans and hot sighs passing between my lips when I fail to suppress them. Pressure builds below my abdomen, leading to a new discovery about myself. I _want_ this. I _want_ Chris to do this to me, and to do this to her in return. This_ must be what she was talking about._ Chris’ hand shoves my bra upward, leaving nothing blocking her touch. The sudden heat and electricity short my brain, and I almost fall to ruin. One thought forces its way through the pleasure: _Chris swore she would never be the one to take these steps._

Remembering her promise clears the fog from my mind, and I manage to reverse the situation, using Chris’ lack of awareness to roll her under me. Pinning her arms to the side, I pin her waist with my body weight, a damp feeling causing heat to rise in my cheeks. _I pay attention enough to know what that means. I had no idea I could be like that…_ My breasts hang exposed beneath my shirt but releasing Chris’ wrists to fix my bra could backfire. I wait a few moments to regain my breath and calm my racing heart before speaking. “Chris, what’s wrong?” She averts her eyes, shame and guilt painting her features. “You promised that you wouldn’t do anything like this unless we took these steps as a couple.” Concern fills my voice as she closes her eyes. “You always try to keep your promises, so _something_ must have happened. Please, talk to me. Let me help you, just like you help me.”

“I’m afraid.” Her violet eyes snap open, pleading and terrified. “I fought hard over the past week to stay calm. I fought so that I could be there for you when you needed me, but, in the end, I failed.” Tears sliding down her face, Chris’ resistance breaks. “I’m so afraid. You are everything to me. There is so much I want to experience with you, so much I want to give you, so much I want from you. Knowing I could lose you suddenly, at any time, terrifies me.” Her words become broken by sobs. “I hate this… You deserve… better than this.” Realizing that she is in no condition to resume her desperate… attentions… I release her wrists, and Chris promptly hides her face, crying into her hands. Moving off her, I fix my bra while seated on the bedside. Doing so brings very recent memories to the surface, but I shove them aside. _That isn’t important right now._

Chris’ weeping slows, eventually halting. Feeling her weight shift, my eyes move to her as she settles herself next to me, leaning into me to rest her head on my shoulder. _This is the Chris I know._ Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, I pull her a little closer. “It’s alright. Everything will be alright.” Chris chuckles dryly. She knows that is not exactly true, but it may also not be a lie. “The people in Section 2 are doing everything they can to figure this out.” My expression drops as my tone becomes serious. “I may be an idiot, but even I know that nothing about this is going to be easy. I don’t want to leave you, but, at the same time, I can’t just sit back and do nothing.” Turning to face her, I softly embrace Chris. “Hey, Chris? Can you promise me something?”

“I need to hear what it is, first.” _Ever the cautious one._

“If I die,” her body tenses, “please, promise me you’ll move on. Promise that you can still live a normal life, even without me, and,” I push back from her to see her face, “if possible, fall in love with someone else.” Chris’ expression crumbles, and my heart screams in pain. _No, I must do this._ “Chris, falling in love with you is the best thing that’s happened to me, and I can’t bear the thought of your living the rest of your life without loving someone.” Her eyes fall from mine, her voice quiet and trembling.

“I don’t think I can promise that. I don’t want to _need_ to promise that.” Her tone hardens, and her eyes meet mine, anger shining in their depths. “Promising those things makes it sound like I’ve given up on you. That is one thing I will _never_ do. When you refused to see anyone, I pushed because I _know_ you are stronger than that. When you were weak, I helped because I _knew_ you could recover.” Anger seeps into her tone, lending strength to her words. “When I fell in love with you, I gave up on _myself_. I gave up believing that I could ever be happy, but _you_ were strong enough to push back the doubt in my heart. You have always been strong enough to face your inner demons, yet you would ask me to give up on you because of something like this?” Standing, Chris quivers with rage, her words dripping venom. “Fine. Go out there and die. Be the idiot you are and do something stupid to get yourself killed. See if I care.” I reach out to stop her, but Chris simply swats my hand away as she storms out of my room.

Stunned, I remain seated for a long time after that. Bewildered thoughts spin through my mind at what happened. _I... I can’t believe she said that._ I honestly just wanted her to promise me that she could be happy without me, but I misjudged the effect it would have on her. Of course, I _want_ to be with Chris. I want her to be happy because _I_ am with her, but, at the same time, I want to know that, if something _does_ happen to me, she can eventually recover and find happiness again. After considering my options, I decide to give her a couple days to cool down. Hopefully, she will be more open to talking with me after that.


	8. Sputtering Flame

_Anger, disbelief, pain; each of these burn within my breast, clouding my mind. I know she meant no harm, but her words sting so much…_

Failing to control myself, I slam my door behind me after leaving Hibiki with harsh, wounding words. _I can’t promise something like that…_ Hibiki has no idea what her death would do to me. That knowledge is beyond even _me_, but I know it would be terrible. Asking me to just… _forget_ about her? To live out my life loving someone other than her? Angry tears burn as they run down my cheeks, and, though I regret saying what I did, it does not change how _furious_ I am. Hibiki only wishes the best for me, I know that, but her words pierced my soul. _How am I supposed to be happy without that idiot by my side? Losing her forever…_ Crushing pain in my heart causes me to seek refuge in the comfort of my bedding, but it has little effect. If Hibiki thinks my heart is guarded _now_, then she fails to understand what might happen if I suffered a blow as heavy as her death, the death of the one person I allowed this close. Thinking about it will only exacerbate the issue, so I shake my head to clear it.

Sighing heavily, I roll onto my back, gazing at my palm. The memory of Hibiki’s firm, soft breast lingers still, causing my heart to quicken. I know I was far out of line, but I was terrified; I still am. Terrified, and _very_ angry. The two emotions make an ugly combination, yet I need time to settle my heart. I never told Hibiki, but I have been suffering from nightmares of my own. Combined with my still light sleeping habits, they cause some nights to be near-sleepless. Hearing Hibiki’s voice over the phone helps, but I will not call her tonight. Probably not tomorrow, either. I need time to think, and she needs time to consider her words, to think about _why_ they hurt me. A notification chime sounds from my nightstand, prompting an annoyed sigh.

Glancing over to the offending device, I debate whether I even want to check the message, but my body moves on its own. Regardless of whether I am angry, Hibiki is still important, so I will at least check what she wrote. _Let’s see… “Chris, I’m really sorry that I said something to make you angry. I want to talk, but not now. We both need some time to cool down, I think. Goodnight.” Well, she’s not a complete idiot after all…_ That she realizes she made a mistake is comforting but does not relieve my pain completely. A yawn interrupts my thoughts, weariness fogging my mind. _I need sleep. I won’t make any progress like this._ Though I think that, my mind refuses to allow it. Fear haunts me still, and a new emotion joins it: guilt.

_I broke my oaths, both to myself and to Hibiki._ Those two emotions combined force me to remain awake. What would I see in my dreams? What twisted images await me in my subconscious mind? I already suffer from dreams of Hibiki’s death, about what would happen if she suddenly left my side. It would be so much worse if I did something to make her hate me before I lost her forever. That would haunt me far longer than simply losing her, knowing that I betrayed the trust of the one I love because I was weak, because I was _afraid_. Exhaustion eventually pulls me into slumber, but, just as I feared, I find no comfort there.

The memories of Hibiki’s quiet moans and hot sighs follow me into my dream world, where the images progress in ways they never have before. In some, she returns my carnal passion with her own, but those are vastly outnumbered by others. In those, her eyes are fearful, and she vehemently refuses me, at first, but eventually succumbs, though the fear in her eyes never fades. Occasionally, she disappears partway through, and my dream self, realizing what she has done, crumbles. I lose hope in _everything_, in ever being worthy to once more be called human, to live as a normal person, so, instead, I become a weapon, empty and driven by a singular purpose. Again, and again, visions plague me, but one nightmare rips me from my restless sleep, sweating and short of breath. _I killed myself. I… dreamt that I… Would I really do that?_

Many of my nightmares show me living an empty existence without Hibiki, but this is the first time I dreamt about suicide. Well, the first in a long time. The last was long ago, before I resolved to destroy those with the will to fight. That, itself, was a misguided goal, but it gave me a reason to live, a purpose. It gave me something to work toward, to avenge everything that happened to me. Of course, Finé used my blind rage to twist me around her finger, but that is of little consequence now. _Am I really that weak, or does Hibiki truly mean that much to me?_ Ignoring the thought for now, I glance at the clock. The time displayed is too early to go to class, but much too late to try and sleep more. _Damn it all. Looks like this is going to be a long day…_ Dragging my weary body out of bed, I ready for a day of classes.

Unfortunately, classwork does not distract me as well as I hoped, for my startling nightmare weighs heavy on my mind. _If my subconscious mind considers that a possibility, was Hibiki wrong in asking me what she did?_ By the end of classes, my anger is overridden by anxiety and guilt. If my dreams speak my heart, perhaps I really _do_ need to promise Hibiki that I will try to move on, that losing her will not be the end for me. However, I said terrible things to her. I told her to die, that I would not care if she did. Again, fear stays my hand. We need to talk but facing her is too difficult. No message from Hibiki arrives that night, though she did say she would wait a couple days to let us cool down. Steeling myself for the night to come, I try to relax and calm my mind. My efforts are in vain, for nightmares plague me again. This time, old join the new. Old fears of causing Hibiki to hate me and destroying everything we have now. Exhausted, I greet the morning once more.

Another day passes without seeing Hibiki, due to both lingering, though deeply buried, anger and depression. Seeing her right now would be torture, so I avoid the possibility. That night, I receive a message, saying that she wants to talk, so I should send her details for a plan. However, I hesitate, my fingers hovering over the keypad. _Do I really deserve her forgiveness, her love? I should apologize, but I feel so torn…_ I snapped at her when she was afraid and hurting. Afraid and worried for me and herself. In the end, I never sent a response, paralyzed by terrors both old and new.

The next day, my eyes dart about warily, searching the grounds to spot Hibiki in case she searches for me. _I don’t want to see her. Please, let her not come looking for me._ Being high-tension for hours takes its toll, and I am drained by the time I hurriedly return to my room, locking the door behind me. Sinking down against it, I breath a small sigh of relief. I managed to avoid Hibiki today, though my heart aches in her absence. _This is like when she left for summer vacation, only now, I’m doing it on purpose._ I hate myself for doing this, but I see no other option. Not one I want to face, at least. Hibiki messages me again that night, asking if I somehow missed the last one and repeating that she wants to talk. Again, I spend too much time thinking and fail to respond. The rest of the week passes in similar fashion, and I retreat to my room the moment classes end on our half day.

Hiding this way causes me to miss a few meals, but I have gone hungry before and survived. Hibiki’s messages have grown more concerned with each passing day, and it breaks my heart that I cannot summon the willpower to respond. _“Chris, are you alright? Is something wrong?” “How are you doing? I haven’t seen you lately.” “Chris, please, talk to me.”_ _Shit, it hurts so much._ A couple hours later, my phone chimes. My hand darts out, immediately checking the message I received. What I read causes whatever resolve I had left to crumble away: _“I miss you. I want to see you. Please.”_ Clutching the phone to my chest, I weep bitterly. _I did this to her. I hurt her again. I promised I would never hurt Hibiki again, but I’m still so weak, so selfish. I don’t deserve to be with her, yet I can’t just let her go._ Time passes while I wallow in depression and self-pity, and the sun sets without my noticing.

A soft knock on my door startles me, and I nearly call out before clamping my mouth shut. _There’s only one person this could be._ Another soft knock is followed by Hibiki’s voice, proving my fears correct. “Chris? You’re in there, right?” I remain silent, too ashamed to face her now that I have been purposefully avoiding her for the past week. “Look, I thought about what I said, and I realized that it was… kinda stupid, so I want to talk with you, to fix this.” Though she waits a short time, I still offer no response. “Have you been taking care of yourself? I haven’t seen you around, so I don’t know if you’re eating properly, or so many other things…” A soft creak echoes into the room, likely from her leaning against the door. Hibiki’s voice fills with loneliness and pain. “I miss you. I never thought being apart from you would be this painful, but I will try to hold on. I want to make up, and go back to how we were, how we _should_ be.” Her voice regains some of its strength. “I will wait, Chris. Just, please, don’t take too long, and take care of yourself. Goodnight.”

Soft footsteps retreat down the hall, yet I wait several minutes before nervously peeking out. Something by the door catches my eye. A small bag sits in the hall, and I curiously examine its contents: convenience store food and drinks. Tears welling once more, I retreat, locking the door again. Setting out the contents, I notice a small sheet of paper in the bottom. Opening it, I notice several spots where wetness stained the paper, but Hibiki’s feelings are conveyed strong and true. _“Make sure to eat this. You need to take care of yourself, no matter how sad or angry you are. Chris, I hate that I hurt you like I did, but I really do regret it. Please, let’s talk about this. I love you so much, and I don’t want to lose you because of something stupid I said. I miss you. Not having you next to me hurts. It hurts so much, but I will wait for you.”_ Her name is signed simply at the bottom, and I press the note against my lips. “I love you too, but I don’t deserve you.” I whisper into the empty room before slowly eating the simple meal that Hibiki left for me.

My eyes flutter open as sunlight peeks through my window the next morning. Sitting up, I rub away what little sleep I managed to catch, but I am still exhausted. I briefly debate whether to change out of my sleepwear, but quickly toss the idea aside. _I don’t want to do anything today…_ That is a lie. What I want more than anything is to see Hibiki, to hear her voice and be next to her, but I am still afraid. Curling up on my bed, I try and fail to hold back silent tears. A soft knock sometime later startles me from my self-loathing, and Hibiki’s voice follows. “Chris, I’m here again. I… just wanted to talk. It’s okay if you don’t say anything, I just… miss you.” The door creaks softly, meaning she must be leaning against it.

“This week’s been kinda tough, you know? It’s hard to think when I’m worrying this much, and I’m getting yelled at all the time.” Hibiki’s short, nervous laughter betrays her distress. “The teachers have been asking me what’s wrong, and it’s not like I can tell them exactly what’s going on, so it’s really hard to come up with an excuse.” She trails off, staying silent for a few minutes before speaking again. “Yumi-chan and the others have been asking about you. They ask me why I’m not spending time with you like I usually do. All I can say is that you just need some space right now, but it feels like I’m lying to them.” Another few minutes of silence.

“Hey, have you-” Hibiki is suddenly cut short by another voice from the hall. She has a short conversation, then resumes her monologue, but her voice is quieter. She keeps talking, oblivious to the fact that hearing her from where I am is difficult. _I want to hear her._ Resolving to finally get out of bed, I softly walk to the door, sitting and carefully leaning back against it. Hibiki briefly stops talking, probably because she felt the door shift, but soon resumes. “I’m pretty sure your neighbors think I’m really weird, now. Anyway, I think I should probably learn how to cook at some point. I don’t really need to worry about money but eating what I do all the time can’t be good for me. The same goes for you, I think. I can’t have you getting fat on me.” Hibiki’s tone shifts to be slightly accusatory. “Though, it would probably all just go to your chest or something.” I barely stifle a comeback. _Damn cheeky girl. I never asked for these._ Hibiki falls silent, but only for a few moments.

Hibiki starts bouncing from topic to topic, talking about anything and everything, as if she fears the end of this oddly surreal “conversation.” She talks about her classes, her blunders, her friends. She mentions upcoming events, and I sense the hope in her words, hope that I will say that I want to go with her. When I say nothing, she sighs softly, dejected, and changes topic. I lost track of time, but judging from how sore I am, we must have been like this for an hour or two when Hibiki suddenly shifts the conversation back to _us_.

“You know, sometimes I wonder if I should buy things for you, as your girlfriend, but you never seem to want anything. I feel like I’m failing when I can’t figure that out, but whenever we’re out together, I remember that those kinds of things don’t really matter to you. You always look so happy just… being with me.” Her tone slips into melancholy, and my heart reaches out to her. _Damn, it hurts so much to hear her sound like this._ “I know it sounds silly, but I think you’re really pretty when you’re happy. Your eyes light up, and you relax just a little bit.” Her tone becomes teasing. “It’s really cute, you know. My cute, short Chris.” _I’m not _that _short, damn it. _The door shifts as Hibiki’s weight is removed, and I hear the small sounds she makes when she stretches. Just before I can stand, her voice stops me.

“Chris,” my heart leaps at my name, spoken through the door above my head, “I don’t know what you’re struggling with right now, or if you’re still angry with me, but I’m always available if you need me. Just ask, and I will happily drop everything for you.” She sighs heavily. “You can open your heart to me. I might not be the smartest person you know, but I certainly cherish you more than anyone else,” Her voice drops to a whisper, “because I love you.” Her quiet, heartfelt words lance into my heart, and I nearly rip open the door to answer her, yet my shattered self-confidence stops me. _I’ve done it again, haven’t I?_

It took me this long to realize, but I gave up on myself, only, this time, I may not recover without something drastic happening. Hibiki said something thoughtless, yes, and I had every right to be angry, yet my behavior over the past several days is unwarranted. Hibiki is a very kind person, so she would listen to everything I must say, but I am now convinced that I no longer deserve her kindness and love. I hurt her so badly, both with my words and my behavior, which is something I swore I would never do again, yet I find myself doing so when it suits me. _I’m a terrible person, no better than everyone who tormented me in the past._ I push my desires onto Hibiki, along with my unstable emotions and mind, and she accepts it. She accepts _all_ of me, yet I cannot do the same for her. One hurdle suddenly appears that seems insurmountable, and whatever determination I had blew away as ash. _Maybe… Maybe she _would_ be better off without me. If she could be free of me, then she could find someone better, someone who will stand by her and cherish her, no matter what struggles they face._ I hate that line of thought, but I see few other options. Silently, painfully steeling my heart, I resolve myself for the week to come.

The days pass much like the previous week, with small changes. I frequently spy on Hibiki from the shadows, always careful to ensure I remain out of sight. Seeing her again fills my heart with both warmth and dread, for she is not her usual self. Her gaze is distant, and whenever she smiles, it carries her pain and sorrow to the surface. _I did this to her. I realize that now, but I’m not confident enough to fix it. I know _how_, but…_ That weekend, Hibiki visits me again, this time with surprising news.

“Chris, I heard back from Section 2 yesterday.” Her words set my heart racing. “They said that, as long as the Noise don’t materialize any more than once every two months, I have about a year worth of fighting before it becomes too risky. If they appear more often…” _Then it will be shorter._ Hibiki remains silent for several minutes before softly speaking once more. “That means we have at least a year, Chris, if everything goes well. I want to be with you during that time. That is my wish: for us to enjoy ourselves for however long we have, but” Her voice trembles, and she sounds on the verge of tears, “I feel like you don’t want that anymore.” _It hurts. It _burns_, but I must endure._ “These past two weeks were hard. I wanted to see you so badly, and talk with you, about everything. I’m sorry I made you angry, so I want to fix this, but if you don’t want to…” Her voice trails off into quiet sobs, and I share in her tears. “I can’t do this anymore, Chris. I can’t go without seeing you or hearing your voice. Even if I angered you so much that you don’t want to be together, I still want to be friends…”

The door shudders under the force of a blow. “Damn it!” Hibiki’s quiet vulgarity startles me. “That’s a lie, Chris. I love you, and I will always love you, even if it’s only from a distance. Even if I can’t be your girlfriend, being next to you somehow would mean the world to me.” Bitterness colors her tone. “I can’t believe that I found what I want only when I might die, but here it goes.” I hear Hibiki breathe to steel herself before her voice reaches me, quiet and reverent. “Yukine Chris, the one thing I want, more than anything else, is to be with you. If you’ll have me, I will stay with you and love you until my dying breath.” Hibiki struggles with her next words but manages to force them out. “Whether that is soon, I can’t really say, but know that, even if I die-” Swinging the door open unbalances Hibiki, and I quickly pull her into a fierce embrace as tears stream from my eyes.

“Idiot! You damn _idiot_!” My grip still tight, I speak desperately into her ear. “Stop talking about dying so much. I was resolved to let you go, so you could find someone better, someone that wouldn’t hurt you like I have.”

“But-”

“Shut up.” I cut Hibiki’s protest short. “All I ever do is hurt you or push my desires onto you. I’m not worthy of this. I don’t… I don’t…”

“Chris, that’s enough.” Hibiki’s kind, gentle tone halts my words, but not my tears. “I realized a while ago that there _isn’t_ anyone else out there for me. Maybe if I searched for a long time, I could find someone, but” Her hand comes to rest on my cheek, “_you_ are the one I love. Not because you keep your promises to yourself or never hurt me, but because you are _you_, because you are Yukine Chris, the one that fills my heart with happiness.” She eases away as I release my crushing embrace, and her lips softly meet mine for a moment. “I want to clear away the darkness in your heart. I want to fill it with warmth, joy, love, all the things that were taken from you. I’ll give you all of myself, all my love and time. All I ask for in return is the same.”

“Idiot,” Sniffling muddies my words, but they must be said, “as if you really need to ask.”

“I do.” Hibiki’s eyes harden. “These past two weeks were so painful. My heart felt like it was being crushed every day I went without seeing or hearing from you. You never responded to any of my messages, and you didn’t say a single word when I came to visit you. What conclusion could I come to other than ‘Chris hates me now’?” Hanging my head in shame, I offer no defense for my actions, yet Hibiki sighs softly. “I understand now, after seeing you like this. You never hated me. You were only trying to drive me away because you didn’t want to hurt me anymore. You kept loving me, but you were awfully misguided.”

“Just like always…” I sigh, defeated. “Why can I never do anything right? Everything I try to do ends up backfiring in some way.”

“Stop.” Hibiki’s finger comes to rest on my lips in a startling reversal of our usual exchanges. “You have done plenty of things right, Chris. You found peace with your parents’ memory, you fought against the one who used you for so long,” she giggles, “you _saved the world_. If that’s not doing something right, I don’t know what is, but, most importantly,” she guides my eyes to hers, “you helped a friend when she needed it. You helped me find the strength to stand on my feet again, and for that, I am forever grateful.”

“I still feel terrible about this.” Hibiki’s words do little to sway my feelings of guilt, so I offer a proposal. “What can I do for you in apology?” Hibiki’s cheeks flush crimson, so I suspect that her request is not entirely wholesome. I wait patiently for several minutes while she collects her thoughts, the heat in her face never fading.

“Ah… This might seem, like, _really_ sudden, but…”

“Go on.” I gently nudge her onward.

“I… Ah…” Hibiki fumbles her words, and, honestly, I find it cute and endearing. “Um… Wow, this is embarrassing.” She clears her throat and manages to force out her request. “I want to have s-s-… sex with you.” _Oh, shit._ My brain overloads and my entire face flushes crimson. Even my ears burn with heat, for this is the _last_ thing I expected to hear from her. Touching my breasts in return for what I did to her was at the top of my list, but certainly not this. Her eyes show her nervousness as she asks, “Is it no good?”

“That’s not it at all,” I struggle to keep my voice from trembling, “it’s just that I have some… personal demons that I need to deal with before that can happen.”

“Is it related to what happened to you as a child?”

“Some, but it also has a lot to do with Finé, as well.” I shudder in response to both sets of memories. “That woman’s brand of ‘love’ was only pain for me, which she used to satisfy her own twisted desires. I’m not familiar at all with a _mutual_ sexual relationship, and… to be honest, I’m afraid that I will hate your touch.” My voice trembles as I reveal the truth. “I worry that I will push you away because of what happened to me, and I could never forgive myself if I did. I truly want this, I do, but I need time.”

“Chris, I understand.” Hibiki gently embraces me. “Take the time you need. I will wait, though it might be hard to be patient about it.” Her honesty brings a small laugh to my lips, but I quickly fall silent. “What’s wrong.”

“It’s just…” _Saying it aloud is harder than I thought,_ “With everything that happened… I… I can’t give you… my first time.” Her eyes widen slightly but soften shortly after.

“Oh, Chris…” Hibiki pushes away to meet my teary eyes, “Yes, you _can_.”

“No, I-”

“Chris.” Her tone allows no argument. “You _can_. Having s… sex with me will be your first time doing it _willingly_, and the first time with someone you truly love. See? That’s two ‘firsts’ you can give me.”

“It doesn’t change the fact that I was violated in the past.” I understand what Hibiki’s trying to say, and I love her for it, but seeing it that way is difficult. Closing her eyes, she sighs softly in response to my vehemence.

“Alright, I understand.” Her eyes open to meet mine. “You can’t give me your first time, but” She whispers sweetly into my ear, “you will certainly be taking mine.” _This girl… Where does she get her insane confidence from?_ My face ignites, though Hibiki’s matches mine, and we share a laugh together. “I will wait, Chris, for as long as necessary.” The kiss we share feels like the true start of everything: our mutual love, our lives together. Whatever we experienced before, it paled in comparison to what I felt in that moment, when I pledged to face my demons to, at long last, become one with the girl I love.


	9. Winter Blaze

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the chapter with the content warning. It's perfectly tame up until the asterisk break, so readers who are opting to skip can still gain enough context by reading up to that point, then skipping to the next chapter. For those who don't mind the content, it may be a little different, but this is what happens when an asexual spends way too much time attempting to write this kind of scene correctly. I am eternally grateful to the people who helped me with it, particularly my editing team.

_Chill air mists my breath, nipping at my exposed skin. Though I feel my heart is ready, timing is everything, and winter holds a perfect occasion…_

_Shit, I hate waiting in this cold._ Though I switched to wearing leggings underneath my uniform, the skirt provides little additional protection against the bite of winter air. As to _why_ I am in uniform on a Sunday, that is Hibiki’s doing. Why she suggested going out on a date like this is beyond my understanding, but I agreed to humor her request. The events of five weeks ago still trouble me, and I strive to atone, seeking forgiveness in every moment I am with Hibiki. She hates that I view our time together this way, but, until we make love, I consider my debt unpaid. Eyes unfocused, I slip into thoughts centered around that topic.

I asked for time to prepare my heart, to face the demons I needed to confront if we came to this point. Last night, I believe I conquered the last lingering doubts and fears that lay within my heart. I want to mark the event with a special occasion, and the winter break happens to provide the perfect opportunity: Christmas. Before, the holiday meant nothing to me. It was simply another day in my constant struggle for survival and search for acceptance. Now that I am together with Hibiki, it is the perfect day to give her the gift she has been waiting for so patiently: my body. Heart quickening at the thought, I shake my head, keeping my breathing steady to quiet my heart and, hopefully, keep the blush from my cheeks.

“Chris!” Hibiki’s bright call pulls me from my thoughts. Upon laying eyes on her, however, rage simmers softly. Dressed warmly to ward against the winter chill, her attire is _not_ Lydian’s uniform, though she said we should both go in uniform today. _That idiot is going to seriously pay for this._ Slowing when she notices the fire in my eyes, she holds firm, coming to stand in front of me. “It’s good that you made it on time.”

“What’s this about?” The heat of my glare _should_ cause her to wilt, but Hibiki holds firm against my ire. “_You_ suggested coming in uniform, despite this damn cold weather, and yet, here you are, in regular clothing.” Stepping closer, I glare up the few centimeters into her eyes. “You better have a good explanation for this, or I’m going home.” Hibiki shifts slightly but meets my gaze.

“Would saying I like seeing you in a skirt be good enough?” Her smirk boils my blood, though her compliment is welcome.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“I’m going home.” Pushing past her, Lydian is my one destination, but Hibiki’s firm grip on my arm halts me. Eyes blazing, I whirl to face her, but she no longer looks amused, so my anger dims. “What is it?”

“I apologize, Chris.” Hibiki’s eyes drop from mine for a moment while she collects herself. “I was only teasing you. You carry so many burdens right now, and I just wanted to see you smile.” Her grip tightens around my arm, though not enough to be painful. “Maybe this was the wrong way to go about it, but” Her warm hand rests on my scars, and my resistance falters, “I want you to enjoy the time we spend together, not see it as some sort of… punishment for what happened.” No longer able to resist, I softly nuzzle into Hibiki’s palm. _It’s been so long since she last did this. She’s so warm…_ Briefly losing myself in her warmth, I close my eyes, relishing the sensation. Hibiki chuckles quietly, but says nothing else for a short time, allowing my selfishness. “Chris, we’re attracting attention.” Hibiki’s soft whisper guides me back, but I am not quite finished. Taking her hand in mine, I place a brief kiss on her palm before opening my eyes. _I think that means something, but I’m not sure what._ Releasing her hand, I step back as Hibiki releases her grip.

“Alright, I forgive you.” Hibiki breaks into a smile, and I release a defeated sigh. “That’s unfair. You know I can’t resist your smile…” Anxiety creeps briefly into my heart, but I drive it out with little effort. _I have time. Her smile is mine for at least a few more months, and I will fight fate every step of the way to keep her with me._ Shoving the thought away, I loop my arm into hers as I press against her side. “Lead on. This was _your_ idea, after all.” Laughing at my sudden shift in behavior, Hibiki leads me along to wherever she sees fit, a typical date plan for my adorable idiot.

“Hey,” Sitting in a café, I decide that now is the best time to approach the subject of my… Christmas gift, for lack of a better term, “What are your plans for winter break?”

“Hmm…” Hibiki thinks for several moments before answering. “I was planning to head home for the break. My family would never forgive me if I wasn’t home for the New Year.” Her gold-brown eyes focus on me once more, curious. “Why?”

“Umm…” _Saying it here is embarrassing, so I will try to be subtle_, “I want to ask if you would be willing to stay for Christmas.” Hibiki smiles warmly.

“That’s really sweet, Chris, but we don’t need a holiday like that to make our time together special.” Proving my fears correct, Hibiki remains the dense idiot she is, and likely always will be. Being more direct in this situation is not ideal, with so many people around, but she leaves me with little choice. Glancing around, I wave her closer to me, and she leans across the table, so she can hear my quiet words.

“There’s something I need to give you. A present, but you need to be with me to receive it.” Hoping that is enough, I sit back, but Hibiki’s confused expression dashes my hopes.

“I haven’t talked with my mother about my plans for the break yet, but is it really so important that it can’t wait until I come back?”

“It is.” _Please don’t make me say it here, Hibiki. I’ll die of embarrassment._

“It’s just a present, right? I can try, but I don’t see why it can’t wait…” _Damn you, you stupid, dense… Argh!_

“I’m giving you _myself_, idiot.” My voice was a little loud, so I quickly duck down to avoid any curious eyes. “I finally conquered my past to be with you, to give you _everything_ I am, but if you don’t find that important enough,” Anger burns softly in my heart, though I know Hibiki means no harm with her natural stupidity, “I guess you won’t have me anytime soon.” My words are not serious, of course, but they have the desired effect. Hibiki pales, and she quickly denies my accusation.

“Of course, I think that’s important.”

“Then, we agree?”

“Yes.” Her tone is gentle, almost reverent. “I couldn’t wish for anything more. I’ll make plans to be here for Christmas, at least.”

“Good.” Her confirmation sets my heart racing, both with anticipation and worry. Though confident that I will prevail over my past, there is no way to know for sure until I feel Hibiki’s touch on my body, in places and ways she has never touched me before. _I wish, deep in my soul, that she could be the first to touch me that way, but that is not our fate._ That part of my past troubles me still. Hibiki is bright and pure, untouched, while I bear the stains and ugliness of a brutal past. Not that her path was necessarily easy, but she was never subjected to the indignity of being a… plaything, first for a gang, then for a sociopath like Finé. Desperately shoving those thoughts aside, I focus once more on the girl in front of me. “It’s still a couple weeks away, so don’t get too excited.”

“I’ll try, but I can’t guarantee anything.” Knowing that is the best she can promise; I suggest we move on with our date. Agreeing, Hibiki handles the bill, and proceeds to drag me along to various attractions with renewed vigor. After a few hours, I am cold and tired, so I complain to Hibiki. “Should we go back, then?” Exhausted, I only nod in response as I lean into her. She chuckles softly before whispering, “You’re cute when you act spoiled.” She grunts as my elbow jams into her ribs, but she shrugs off the blow. _Damn it. All that muscle makes it hard to get the upper hand._

“I’m not spoiled…” Sulking, I know that is a lie. I am blessed with a wonderful girlfriend that puts up with my selfishness, as well as a loyal friend, in the form of Kazanari. The idol has been scarce, these days, but that is only due to her job. The holidays are a busy time of the year, apparently, so she is away from Lydian often. “I’m just cold.”

“I guess you _were_ out here in a skirt all day…” Hibiki laughs nervously, “I feel bad about that, so let’s go home, where it’s warm.” Supporting my weight, she guides me back to Lydian and the dorms. Hibiki refuses to leave my side until we arrive at my door, where she urges me to warm up in the bath. Promising that I will, she nods, satisfied, and we part for the evening. _We haven’t kissed as much, lately._ Entering my room, I softly touch my lips at the thought. Our restraint is likely due to our new awareness of how fragile our relationship truly is. Our love is yet new, untested by the many trials of life, and we now cherish every moment together in a way we never did before. _We were so naïve, then. Believing that everything would somehow work out and we could be together forever._ Granted, I was aware of the stigma surrounding our dating, so I took care to warn Hibiki, but I never foresaw her critical condition regarding Gungnir. That one development, combined with her thoughtless words, nearly tore us apart before we managed to make up. Shutting my eyes against the sting of tears, I hurriedly prepare the bath, shivering with lingering cold.

“Haaah…” A contented sigh leaves my lips as I sink into the hot water. Closing my eyes, I relax, letting my mind empty of everything. Moments like these are rare, though I enjoy them when they present themselves. After a few minutes of blissful calm, I open my eyes, allowing the gears in my mind to turn again. _Two weeks… It seems so long, yet not long enough._ Looking down, I trace the scarring on my right breast, following it to the center of my chest and back up to my shoulder. _My body, will Hibiki like it? Will I enjoy her touch? Will I be enough to satisfy her?_ Worries like these invade my mind in unguarded moments, yet I consider each one carefully. Ensuring that our first time goes well is of paramount importance, and half of that burden falls on me.

Ever since resolving to face my past, I hesitate whenever I think about touching myself, to discover what I enjoy most. Even now, my hand trembles slightly at the thought. _Touching my body only brings painful memories._ Of course, I tried. I want to be comfortable with Hibiki’s touch, so I thought that doing so might be helpful, but it was impossible for me. My hands trembled, and my vision went black as painful memories assaulted my mind. Breathless and determined, I tried again, only to achieve the same results. Since then, I think about it constantly, but cannot make any real progress on my own. _It seems that figuring out what I like falls on Hibiki’s shoulders._ Though I still have difficulty, I am confident that I can resist those memories for Hibiki’s sake.

On the other side of the equation, I have plenty of ideas of what I want to do to Hibiki. Simply thinking about it sets my heart racing, yet I wave the thoughts away. I promised myself one thing regarding Christmas: _I_ am Hibiki’s gift, so I will not take any action towards her until she is satisfied. Not that I will do _nothing_, of course, but I simply have no knowledge of what I _should_ do for her while I am receiving her… attentions. All my experiences regarding that were either unwilling or while restrained, so I have no knowledge about _what_ exactly I need to do. _I guess I’ll just have to improvise. We both will._

Feeling lightheaded, I hastily exit the bath, ensuring to dry myself off properly to avoid catching a cold. _Hibiki would never let me hear the end if I got sick _after_ taking a bath. That idiot worries more than Kazanari, sometimes._ Throwing myself onto the bed, I check my phone for messages. Sure enough, there is one from Hibiki, reminding me to stay warm and eat properly. The second half is a side effect from when I avoided her for two weeks. My eating habits slipped, and she refuses to give ground on the issue, despite my protests. Answering with my usual blunt tone, I receive a reply shortly after. Hibiki’s wording suggests her disbelief, causing a small smile to form. _I swear, what am I going to do with you? You’re the one dancing with death, and you’re worried about _me_? You know, sometimes I wonder what it would have been like, never meeting you. What kind of person would I be? Would I even be alive? You gave me so many chances, and when I failed, you gave me more. Could I have found love with another, or would my heart remain closed, barred to all who might approach?_ Squeezing my eyes shut, I banish the many questions that flood my mind. _None of that matters. The important thing is that I _did_ find you, or, maybe, it was _you_ who found the real _me_, hidden beneath all my pain and anger. My world is so much brighter now, and I have you, my beloved idiot, to thank for it._

Distracted by my thoughts, I have yet to reply, though that does not deter Hibiki from sending another message, this time with an attachment. Curious, I open it, nearly choking in disbelief. _Why in the hell would she send me a picture like _this_?_ A photo of Hibiki in her bra and panties, directed downward, so I can clearly see her scar and cleavage. Hastily replying, I only ask one question: _“Why in the hell would you send me that?”_ Her response comes moments later. _“Service!” Seriously? That’s stupid._ I tell her so, and her response surprises me.

“_Can I see you?”_ Baffled, it takes me a few moments to collect myself before replying.

_“Why?”_

_“It’s only fair. Besides, I’ll be seeing much more of you in a couple weeks.”_ Her bold words cause my face to heat, though I imagine her blush is just as intense. _Do I humor her?_ Briefly, an idea flits through my mind, but I brush it aside without much consideration. _As amusing as that would be, I won’t send her one of me topless. Now, how do I work this damn camera?_ Hibiki never taught me, and I never thought to ask, so figuring out how to take the photo and send it requires much more time than necessary. Frustrated, I finally manage to send the message, adding _“This took me forever to figure out, so I hope you’re happy.”_ Her reply is slower, but her words set my face aflame and my heart fluttering. _“You’re so beautiful.”_

_Her honesty gives me trouble, but I love her for it._ Searching for the best response, I settle on what I feel in my heart. Something that I only just remembered I never told her. _“So are you.”_ My whole body feels hot after that, while I receive no immediate reply from Hibiki. Schoolwork beckons, so I set my phone beside me while I attend to it. Absorbed in my task, the message chime startles me. Fumbling, I manage to open it, and am greeted by one word.

_“Truly?”_

_“I have no reason to lie.”_ Regardless of how she may appear to others, I consider her radiant, lovely, and so much more.

_“But, I’m so plain, and I’m not the smartest person.” This deserves a scolding._ Taking a short break, I call her. Hibiki answers quickly. “Yes?” Her confusion apparent, she has no idea what lies in store for her.

“Idiot, I have words for you.” I practically feel her flinch from here. “Don’t you _dare_ doubt yourself. Just look at me.” Unconsciously, I touch the scars on my face. “You say that _I_ am beautiful, even with these scars and the ugly wounds in my soul. What you think doesn’t matter. _I_ find you attractive enough to _want_ to have sex with you.” _Damn, that is _embarrassing_ to say._ “Did you believe that, because I never said anything, I didn’t think that?” The idiot on the other end is silent for several moments before she timidly responds.

“No… I never thought that, Chris, but you never say anything about my appearance, so I couldn’t help being nervous about it.” Her voice grows stronger but remains quiet. “I try so hard to be the best girlfriend I can, but never getting feedback makes it hard to know if I’m doing it right.”

“Haaah… Alright, I get it. I’ll… compliment you more, but _only_ if you deserve it.” Hibiki’s bright laughter directly in my ear warms my heart, bringing another small smile to my face.

“I guess that’s the best I can get from you, Chris.” Once her mirth becomes manageable, her tone becomes more serious. “Are you sure about Christmas?” _She’s worried, though I can’t blame her._

“I’m certain. I would be lying if I said I don’t have doubts, but I want this just as much as you. I wouldn’t have suggested it if I thought I couldn’t handle it.”

“Um… I have a, possibly strange, question.” Hibiki’s hesitation catches my attention.

“What is it?” Concern tinges my voice, despite my attempt to suppress it.

“Ah, it’s nothing to worry about. It’s just… We’re going to do more than _just that_ for Christmas, right?” _I see._

“Of course. It wouldn’t do if we left out a proper date beforehand.”

“Oh, good.” The tension drains from Hibiki’s voice. “That makes it better.”

“Stop worrying about it. I have a plan, and you’re going to love it, or face my wrath.” The jest is not lost on Hibiki, who chuckles at my obvious bravado.

“I guess I don’t have a choice?”

“You don’t, so get ready for the best date ever.” _I sound so lame. I want to die._

“I’m looking forward to it.” Silence fills the call for several moments. “I should let you go. I don’t want to distract you for too long.” _I already said a bunch of embarrassing stuff, so here goes nothing._

“It’s not a distraction when you are my everything. Goodnight.” Hanging up before she can respond, I feel like I might die of embarrassment. _That girl brings out the worst in me. Seriously, just how sappy can I get?_ A notification chime brings my attention back to my phone. _“That makes me happy, Chris. Good night. I love you.” …She has no shame, either._ Setting our sappiness aside, I focus on the work in front of me. I finish just in time, for the hour is late, and I need sleep to be ready for tomorrow. _Hopefully my dreams are normal._ Thankfully, my usual restlessness is absent, allowing me to drift into a calming, restful sleep. _If only Hibiki was here…_

* * * * * * * * * * * * 

_Shit, shit, shit. My heart might burst before we even _do_ anything._ My racing heart hinders any effort to calm my nerves, while the sounds of Hibiki showering fill my ears. My mind overwhelmed with vague memories of her body from months ago, I close my eyes, seeking solace in the darkness. I look over memories from earlier today, our long-awaited Christmas.

The day started with a dilemma: which bra and panty set would be best? I debated over several before settling on one, a relatively flashy maroon ensemble that accents my assets well, namely my breasts and hips. _It seems strange to spend so much time stressing over something that I won’t even be wearing when the time comes, but such is the way of things._ Not wearing any was out of the question, for several reasons, and wearing something plain could give the impression that I did not care, so I chose something… sexy? _A present should have the proper wrapping, I suppose._ Next, my outfit was easier. I chose something warm, focusing on utility rather than form, since anything I wore would be hidden under my jacket. Opening the drawer on my desk, I hesitated briefly before retrieving what lay inside.

While I told Hibiki that _I_ was her gift, _this_ is the true Christmas gift for her. Though my body is a gift unrivaled in significance, this small box represents my desire to be with her in everything. Tucking it away in a jacket pocket, I took several deep breaths before leaving my room. I arrived at our meeting place a few minutes early, and Hibiki joined me shortly after. My date plan was extremely simple, but it combined both my interests and what I learned about Hibiki over the months I spent around her, even before my confession. We spent some time shopping, as much as I loathe crowds, and, surprisingly, both Hibiki and I found at least one item we liked. Lunch was a little extravagant, but today was worth a little extra effort. The place I chose was slightly fancier than normal and watching Hibiki’s out-of-place reactions set me smiling more than once. _She’s so comfortable to be around. I’m glad I fell in love with her._ Afterward, we hit various attractions and added in some window shopping, both of us content with what we bought earlier.

Throughout the date, Hibiki never failed to compliment me whenever she had cause. Whether it be my outfit, my hair, which I had in a single tie trailing down the center of my back, or any other little thing she found important. My own compliments were fewer, but I promised to try, so try I did. I awkwardly fumbled my words several times, but Hibiki never failed to give me her smile in thanks, which brought a light blush to my cheeks. We agreed on something light for dinner, and the real purpose of this outing finally arrived.

Taking her hand, I lead Hibiki to the hotel where I made a reservation two weeks ago. Christmas was bound to be a busy day, filled with people traveling, so I took steps in advance. As much as making love in either her or my room would be preferable, there is too much risk involved at Lydian, so I chose a nice, normal room away from the school. Not_ a love hotel. Neither of us would have any idea what to do with most of that stuff, anyway._ I did some research into those, but though they were more cost-effective, it would be less… awkward to settle on a nice, normal hotel. Plus, this place was in a nicer neighborhood than some love hotels, and the last thing I needed was Hibiki beating down a group of delinquents who invaded our space. _At least I don’t need to worry about my safety with her around._

Which brings me back to the present: seated on the bed in our room, trying in vain to calm my racing heart while the girl I love readies herself for what is probably the most significant step in our relationship. Once Hibiki finishes with her shower, I will be entering after her, since it is only common courtesy to be clean for something like this. The door opens, revealing a robed Hibiki, still drying her hair though her usual carelessness leaves her scar and a good deal of cleavage visible under her bathrobe. _Damn it! Why does she have to be such an idiot?_ Quickly standing, I gently shut her robe as I walk past, receiving a confused look. Ignoring it, I shut the door behind me, leaning against it to breathe deep, finally succeeding in calming myself a little. _She doesn’t understand how enticing she is, especially right now._ I spot another bathrobe, folded and ready. Smiling slightly, I undress, carefully folding my clothing before setting it in the basket next to Hibiki’s.

The hot shower relieves the lingering cold from our time spent outside, and I exit several minutes later, warm and refreshed. Taking the time to dry myself, I briefly debate whether to put my underwear back on under the bathrobe, but quickly brush the thought aside. _I don’t want to seem _too_ eager, and it would defeat the point of agonizing over picking them out._ Stepping back into the room, I spot Hibiki sprawled on the bed, snoring softly. Clutching my head, I let out a loud, disgusted groan. A small laugh sounds from the bed, so I look up, meeting Hibiki’s one open eye as she chuckles softly. “You know, you _could_ tease me less.”

“I’m sorry, Chris,” Mirth tinges her voice, “but you seemed tense all day, so I wanted you to laugh a little.” Seating myself on the bed causes Hibiki to sit up and place herself next to me.

“Of course, I was tense. I still am. I’m nervous about this.” Hibiki’s arm wraps around me, and I lean into her, resting my head on her shoulder. “I want to be the best I can for you, but I’m not sure if it’s possible…” Hibiki’s touch tilts my face up, and her lips capture mine. _Ah… It’s been a while. I love this feeling._ Lost for a few moments, I come back to reality as my eyes open, and what I see in hers in unexpected. _She looks eager._

Hibiki moves faster than I can react, scooping me up as I let out a short, startled cry. Depositing me on the bed, she settles herself over me, her slightly damp hair falling forward to frame her face. Her body still hovers above mine, but she cups my face with her right hand, tracing my scars with her thumb. Closing my eyes, I cover her hand with mine and nuzzle into it, finally relaxing. “Feeling better?” I nod in response to Hibiki’s question, and she kisses me once more, unleashing her desires upon me. I eagerly answer, her hair brushing against my face as we lose ourselves in each other, for we are truly alone. Breathless, we pull away after several seconds, our faces flush with heat.

Hibiki kisses my jawline briefly, before moving down to my neck, lighting a fire deep within me. I had to restrain myself before, when I pretended to be asleep, but I am free to act, this time. My heart races, while my breath comes hot from between my lips when I sigh contentedly. Spurred on by my reactions, or possibly ignoring them, Hibiki moves lower toward my chest. Stopping when she comes to the robe, she lifts her head to meet my eyes. Nodding, I sit up as she leans back, hovering just above my legs to avoid trapping the robe. What lies underneath receives a quiet vote of approval. “You really went all-out today.”

“Of course, I did.” My answer is quiet, but vehement. “A gift needs to be properly wrapped, after all.” I toss the robe aside just before Hibiki’s comment shorts my brain.

“Well, that makes it more fun to unwrap.” Baffled, I meet her smirk before she pushes me back down. “Don’t worry, I did, too.” She pulls one side of her robe open, revealing her bra. I suppose lingerie would be better, since there is less material to the fancy black top than usual. _That would explain why I could see so much of her cleavage earlier._ She closes it before I can absorb more detail, distracting me by kissing my neck once more. Her kisses move down to my chest, where she takes the time to kiss my scars. _This girl…_ However, her next move is unexpected, for she follows the scarring down, pressing her lips against the top of my breast. My heart races, and my breath comes short. _Please, don’t fail her here. I need to stay strong, for both of us._ She follows my scars to where it dips between my breasts, hair brushing against my skin, then follows them back up to my shoulder. Unsure of what her plan is, I remain as calm as possible while fighting my inner demons.

Distracted by my internal struggle, Hibiki surprises me by capturing my lips in a searing kiss. All thought blows away, and my mind is filled with Hibiki, her passion flowing into me as I return it with zeal. Her palm pressing gently into my breast draws out a small gasp. Hibiki briefly halts her attentions, her eyes meeting mine, slight concern showing through. “It’s fine.” She nods, softly kissing me again while gently massaging my breast. Pleasure slowly builds, and whatever fears I held fall away. My heart races with desire, not fear, for I crave her touch, wanting this to continue, for her to touch me directly. Before that, I must ask something of her. “Hibiki, wait.” Her hand immediately snaps away, and guilt floods my heart. _Of course, she would think that’s what this is about._

“Are you alright?” Hibiki searches my eyes for any sign of fear or pain.

“I’m fine. I didn’t say stop, just wait for a moment.” Tension drains from her body, though she is still attentive. “Could you take off your robe? I want to see you, to know that we are the same.” Hibiki quickly obliges my request and is soon clad in only her sexy black lingerie. _She put a lot of effort into this._ Normally, Hibiki would _never_ wear anything this flashy or revealing, so it lends a much-needed boost to my ego. “You look great.”

“You think so?” Hibiki’s nervous laugh betrays her earlier confidence. “I’ve never picked out anything like this before, let alone worn it, so I didn’t have much confidence in my choice.” Gently running my nails across her waist, she twitches as I reassure her.

“You look… sexy. You chose well.” She smiles sheepishly, but impatience quickly overwhelms her, and we kiss as her hand immediately returns to my breast. _This sensation… I want _more_._ My bra keeps her from touching me directly, though I can feel my arousal against the fabric. Hibiki, unaware of the state my body is in, continues at her own pace. My body screams for more, yet I must hold back. Hibiki asked for this, so I must allow her to proceed as _she_ wishes… for now. _I’m a little worried about what may happen once my turn comes around._ Her hand stops, only to slide to the base of the fabric. Briefly gauging my reaction, she nervously slides her hand beneath it, pushing the restricting garment upward and freeing my breasts, though it requires slightly more effort than she was expecting. _Damn these huge things, but this sensation… I don’t care anymore._

“Chris…” Breathlessly, Hibiki calls my name, and my face flushes in response. Her eyes riveted, she lifts her hand, giving her a clear view. Embarrassed, I avert my eyes from her face, but Hibiki gently guides them back to hers. “You’re beautiful.” Normally, I could handle the compliment, but, in this situation, my entire face ignites while my body grows hot. _She can see how aroused I am. I can’t hide it anymore._ Unexpectedly, she gently circles the source of that betrayal with a finger, and I gasp. Desire fills her eyes, and I realize that this is where our night together truly begins.

Seizing her face, I pull her lips to mine, my own lust and passion overwhelming my restraint. Hibiki’s hands and fingers never stop, only slow briefly when she cannot fully concentrate. I reward her attentions with sighs and quiet moans against her lips, which further spur her on. Hibiki gently touches, squeezes, presses; experimenting with different methods of attack, and each one makes it more difficult to think. “Chris,” Her hot, breathy whisper easily reaches me, “let’s get your bra off.” Needing no encouragement, I release her to lift the offending garment over my head, but, while I am distracted, Hibiki ambushes me.

_What is she…? Shit, I can’t… think._ Wetness and warmth envelop the top of one breast, banishing all logical thought. _Where did she… but… it feels so _good_._ Suppressing my voice is difficult, and my hands fall away from Hibiki, giving her control of the situation. While attending to one side with her mouth, she gently attends to the other with her hand, switching sides after a few seconds. Her hair tickles my skin, stimulating my already hyper-aware senses.

After a few repetitions on each side, Hibiki sits back, admiring her handiwork. My vision unfocused, my breath comes short and hot, causing the light to shift on the glistening tips of my breasts. Smiling down at me, she reaches behind her, undoing her sexy black bra to toss it aside, freeing her breasts. “They’re… perfect.” I barely manage to squeeze out the compliment, but Hibiki’s face lights up, her beaming smile blinding me. Leaning down, she kisses me, her breasts hanging just over mine. “Please.” Whispering my plea against her lips, she obliges me, and the sensation is something I never imagined. I had an idea, of course, when we spent that first short time alone together, but this is so much more… intense. The heat from her skin blends with mine, and I can feel her arousal against me. _That’s… good._ After what she did already, there are no doubts about whether she enjoys my body.

We spend a short time like that, sharing the heat from our bodies as we lose ourselves in kisses and sighs. However, Hibiki slows, and I sense hesitation from her. “What’s wrong?”

“Ah, well…” She levers herself up away from me a bit, and I immediately miss having her against me, “I… um… don’t know what else I should do. This is all so overwhelming…” Pulling her face back to mine, I give her a brief, gentle kiss before whispering in her ear.

“I’ll help you.”

“Really?” Excitement brightens her voice, filling my heart with warmth and desire.

“Of course, though you have been doing great so far.” _That’s no lie. I had no idea that, simply because it’s Hibiki doing this to me, it would be so wonderful._ Hibiki smiles bashfully, her cheeks tinging red. “There is still one place that could use attention.” Hibiki’s confusion lasts only a moment before the revelation dawns on her, and her eyes flit down my body briefly before coming back to mine.

“Are you sure?”

“What kind of question is that? I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t sure, but” I release a slow breath, “we will probably need to take it slow.” Hibiki thinks over my proposal for several seconds before slowly nodding. Taking her hand, I nervously guide it between my thighs.

“Wow, Chris-”

“Don’t you dare say a _single_ word.” I am aware of the situation down there and regret not bringing an extra set of panties. Unfortunately, my body tenses, and my heart races nervously when I feel her gentle touch, despite the damp fabric still separating her from me. My breath catches, and Hibiki notices.

“Are you alright?” Her concern is very welcome, for this will be harder than I thought.

“Y-Yeah. Just some old memories. _Damn it,_ I was sure I would be alright, that this wouldn’t be a problem.” My vision blurs, and I fight back against tears. Hibiki pulls me up into an embrace, and I gladly accept, though her hand never leaves its new station against me. In a way, that is comforting. _She is saying that she will help me overcome this, no matter how long it takes._ Hibiki reassures me with something very similar, and I softly laugh into her chest.

“What is it?”

“Nothing serious, I just thought something very like what you said, and I found it funny. That’s all.” She tilts my face to hers, gently kissing me as she lowers me back down to the bed. Hibiki briefly pulls away, her eyes patient, yet expectant. “Um…” Steadying myself, I tell her what I want, “go ahead.”

“Alright.” Even over my panties, the sensation sends my mind spiraling, while heat and pressure build against her touch. My breath hot, my body slowly relaxes as my initial nervousness and fear fade. Before long, all I feel is quickly building pleasure and lust.

“Take them off.” My voice is pleading, and Hibiki obliges me. She shifts to a better position, so I lift my hips to assist her. The cool air against the wetness and heat is a strange sensation, and I notice too late that Hibiki’s eyes are riveted on a single spot. Softly kicking her in the stomach brings her back to reality, slightly winded. “Don’t stare, idiot.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just…” Words fail her, so she shakes her head. “Never mind, it’s not important right now.” She meets my eyes and nervously asks, “Should I do the same?”

“If you want.” The truth is that I want nothing more, but this is still Hibiki’s time, so I will restrain myself. After considering her options for a few moments, Hibiki removes her panties as well, and my heart quickens. _There’s no going back after this. Not that I ever _want_ to return to a time where we aren’t together._ Taking her place, my love kisses me softly, but there is a hunger there that was missing before. Her fingers trail slowly down my body, driving me mad with the electric sensation. She locks my lips in place, and I am all too happy to mirror her, lost in the world she created for us. A gentle touch between my thighs draws a gasp from me, and that touch is followed by soft, loving caresses. _Shit… Can’t… think…_ Shutting my eyes, it takes everything I have simply to breathe, to ensure I remain quiet. Hibiki’s quiet attentions last for several moments before she whispers, her hot breath tickling my ear.

“Chris.”

“Y-Yeah?”

“What do you want me to do?” _Does she really want me to say it?_ Opening one eye, her fingers have only slowed, not stopped, so speaking is difficult.

“Do I… hah… have to say?” Her gold-brown eyes meet mine, steady and patient. _Damn her, this… is going to be… embarrassing._ “I don’t… really…” Hibiki’s determination never wavers. “Oh, fine.” As a small bit of revenge, I whisper my request into her ear, causing her to gasp slightly, “There’s one specific spot that needs attention.” Her eyes widen slightly, and she breaks eye contact to look toward her hand, halted in surprise.

“R-Really?”

“Yes, really.” Pulling her eyes back to mine, I speak as clearly as possibly. “Move your fingers towards the top.” Hibiki likely missed my increased reaction whenever she brushed against it, but I desperately need more focus there.

“A-Alright.” Clearly nervous, Hibiki agrees. Closing her eyes, she breathes deep before resuming her attentions, gently exploring to find where her fingers need to be. Once she does, she hesitates briefly, looking to me and asking “I-Is this what you mean?”

“Hah… Yes, do you feel it?” Hibiki nods. Breathing in short, heated gasps, I give her one more push. “Play with it.”

“How?” She is clearly confused, looking for guidance.

“Do what you… want. Right now, I’m… completely yours.” Understanding my intent, Hibiki thinks for several moments, her fingers resting against me. Once confident, she begins, and becomes the only thing that matters. Slowly, then faster, changing to gauge my reactions. It matters little, for everything she does sends waves of pleasure through me. I grab her shoulders, gripping them to try and steady myself. Unable to stay quiet, moans escape my lips, spurring my beloved idiot onward. Hibiki answers, employing what she has learned during this short time. My mind fills with haze, while my body tenses. Having released my usual restraint, my climax hits much harder than I expect. Every muscle in my body tenses while white light explodes inside my head. A quiet, lust-filled cry, then several seconds to recover. Catching my breath, I notice that I dug my nails into Hibiki’s shoulders, but, thankfully, drew no blood.

“How was it?” Hibiki asks, breathless herself.

“What kind of… question is that? Can’t you tell… just by looking?” Hands on her cheeks, I pull her face close. “It was… _amazing_. I never imagined I could feel like this, simply because it’s you.” I kiss her sweetly, and we enjoy each other like that until my head clears. “How are _you_ doing after all this?”

“Well,” Hibiki thinks for a moment, “my body feels hot all over, and… um… one place is _very_ hot and-” Silencing her with a finger, I whisper.

“Looks like it’s my turn.” We switch places, and, now that _I_ am the one looking down at _her_, she blushes and averts her eyes. “You’re beautiful.” Her scar matters little, for it is true. I believe that with every fiber of my being. Running my open palm along her toned stomach elicits a similar response as before, but there is heat in her breath and want in her voice. The size of my breasts makes it easy to touch hers, much to my excitement, so I begin there, pressing against her as we kiss. I caress her side with my nails, causing Hibiki to twitch occasionally. I sense her desire in her kiss and where our bodies touch, but there is no rush. Just as Hibiki took her time with me, I will _thoroughly_ enjoy the time I have with her.

Shifting, I take her breast in hand, causing a heated gasp against my lips. The last time I felt them, I was too desperate to enjoy it. Now, I realize just how nice Hibiki’s feel. Soft, yet firm and springy. Gently squeezing and pressing, I trail kisses down her jaw to her neck. Freed from obstruction, Hibiki moans and sighs softly. _She is much more vocal than me._ My kisses reach her chest, and I hesitate briefly, my lips pressed against her collarbone. A moment later, I decide to try what Hibiki did to me, and she gasps loudly in response, her arousal obvious against my lips. She shifts beneath me, her moans heated and filled with want. My body heats in response, and my movements become less careful, fueled by my long-suppressed desire.

Looking up after a few minutes, Hibiki’s eyes meet mine, slightly unfocused. “Enjoying yourself?” The question is unnecessary, but she nods in response. “Good, because it only gets better from here.” Though I say that, I cannot be sure she will enjoy _everything_ as much as I did. Briefly kissing her scar, I move up, taking her breasts in hand once more as my lips meet hers. We lose ourselves for several moments like that, my beloved idiot’s breath hot as she sighs and moans against my lips. Giving one final squeeze, I trail my hand down her body, absorbing every detail as she tenses, realizing my intent. Pulling away to see her face, I meet her eyes, my fingers caressing her stomach. “Is it alright?”

“Y-Yeah.” Noticing her hesitation, my eyes remain locked to hers. Hibiki’s slide away, before quickly coming back. “I’m alright. Really. I’m just… nervous.” Smiling, I reassure her.

“It’s alright. We’re both nervous, so we’ll take this slow.” Kissing her tenderly, I gently settle my fingers against her, causing Hibiki to twitch. _Wow, she has no room to talk._ Though I badly want to look, I want to watch Hibiki’s face to gauge her reactions. Slowly, I move my fingers, and Hibiki gasps. Keeping a steady rhythm, I see her expression change to one of pleasure. Leaning in, I cannot resist teasing her, whispering into her ear. “Hey, did you touch yourself during all this time?”

“Chris!” Chuckling at her indignation, I kiss her sweetly, briefly silencing her. Hibiki’s eyes show mixed emotions. “You know, I… hah… thought about it.” Her cheeks flush crimson. “I thought it might help… for tonight, but… mmm… when I thought about…” Her thoughts trail off. “Wow, it’s hard to talk… like this.” Hibiki collects herself. “When I thought about… how you were worried about the fact… ah… that you couldn’t give me your first… I stopped myself.” Taking my face in her hands, she gently kisses me. “So, I am all yours, Chris.”

“Are you ready?” Hibiki’s nervousness appears once more, but she quickly nods. “I’ll be gentle.” Quickly shifting my attentions to a single point, Hibiki’s sharp intake of breath causes me to pause, but she urges me on. _This might be a little intense for her, but I want us to be the same this first time. Exploring inside can come later._ I begin slowly, testing different approaches while watching my beloved’s face, watching and adjusting for what she wants. Spurred on by her reactions, my fingers move faster, sure in their goal of filling Hibiki with ecstasy. _Surprisingly, this is tiring._ My breathing becomes heavier, but not as much as Hibiki’s. She squirms beneath me, her voice loud in the enclosed space. _I’m glad we didn’t do this at Lydian._ Suddenly, Hibiki grabs my face, her lips meeting mine in a lustful, passionate kiss. Surprised, I nearly lose my rhythm, but Hibiki’s body tenses as she climaxes, her cry muffled against my lips. I wait a few moments while my love collects herself. “So?”

“I… can’t think… right now.” Laughing warmly, I caress her cheek with my free hand.

“I know that feeling, and I only know it because of you.” Carefully, I free my other hand from between her thighs. “I have something for you.” Curiosity lights in her eyes as I move off her, searching about the room for my jacket. _Of course, it’s all the way over there._ Disregarding my nudity, I retrieve my gift from a pocket, glancing at the robes and underwear scattered around. _Not hard to guess what happened._ Returning to the bed, Hibiki is sitting up, also undeterred by her lack of clothing.

“What is it?”

“It’s a present.” Hesitating, I hold the small box close to my heart. “I was thinking, and realized, though I gave you myself today, which was amazing, I want to give you something else, a proper Christmas gift.” Slowly holding out my hands, I offer my gift to Hibiki. Reaching out, she hesitates for a moment before taking it.

“Is it…? No, it can’t be.” I barely catch her muttered thoughts before she opens the box, her eyes sparkling when she sees what lies inside. “Wow! It’s pretty.” Taking it out, she holds the necklace high, the silver snowflake at eye level. Looking to me, she asks, “Would you put it on for me?”

“Of course.” Hibiki turns around, making it easier to do the clasp. Once finished, I embrace her from behind, my breasts pressing into her back. “Do you like it?”

“I love it.” Taking my hand, she kisses the back of it once before asking. “Why a snowflake?” _I know she’s dense, but I didn’t think it was _this_ bad._

“You really are an idiot, sometimes.” Chuckling at her pout, I remind her. “It’s part of my name, remember[1]?” Hibiki gives a sound of realization, so I explain. “I wanted to give you something to remind you of me, for the times you feel lonely. This way, I am never far from your heart.” Comfortable silence fills the room for a few minutes while we enjoy each other’s presence. Shivering, I remember that we are still naked. “Hey, we should probably, um, get dressed.”

“Don’t want to.” Confused, I start to ask why, but Hibiki turns around, beaming her brilliant smile. “Let’s go to bed, but I want to stay like this. I want to feel you for just a while longer, even if it’s only sleeping together like this.” My mouth agape, I simply nod.

Sleeping with another person in the same bed is difficult enough, but even more so when that person is the girl I love and unclothed. Once we settle in, I turn off the light, and Hibiki instantly snuggles into me. “Hey! What-”

“Chris is _all_ mine.” Happiness fills her voice and my heart, so I simply sigh, returning her embrace. “See? It’s still warm like this.” After I agree with her, she breathes deep. “Your scent is so calming.”

“Really? I would think we smell like sex right now.” Unprepared for my comment, Hibiki laughs hard for several seconds before she calms. “What? I was only saying what I thought was true.”

“I don’t know what that smells like,” She inhales again, “but that doesn’t change anything. I feel calm when I’m with you, like my heart found where it’s supposed to be.” Her voice grows quiet. “I want to stay with you, Chris. I want to be where you are, experience life with you. Maybe we can find something beyond fighting, beyond the Noise. Maybe we can’t, but I still want to be with you.” Hibiki falls silent for a few moments. “So much has happened in the past year. I enrolled at Lydian, made friends, discovered I had the power to protect people, saved the world,” Her eyes meet mine in the half-light, “but, most importantly, I met you.” Blushing, my heart beats heavy in my ears. “To be honest, something about you drew me to reach out. We were enemies, sure, but I couldn’t believe that you were the kind of person to do what you did without a good reason.”

Hibiki’s embrace tightens as she speaks. “I felt really sad when I realized that you had nowhere to go home to, but I couldn’t contact you, and you still pretty much hated me at the time. Once you joined us, I was so happy. You didn’t need to be alone anymore, and we could all support you: Master, the people in Section 2, Tsubasa-san, me, and… Miku.” She rarely talks about Kohinata these days, so hearing her name catches me off-guard. “It’s still hard to talk about, but I want to tell you this.” I wait patiently while she collects herself. “I felt like my entire world collapsed around me when Miku died. It was so hard to find the strength to keep going, and, on top of everything, I almost killed you.” Her fingers gently trace the scars on my chest. “When she was alive, I talked with Miku about you. I wanted to know you better, but I wasn’t sure how. You pushed everyone away, but I saw your kindness, that you really care about people that are important to you. I hoped I was one of those people but could never be sure. Not until you came to help me.”

“Chris, once you opened up to me, even just a little, I was really happy. I finally started learning about the _real_ you, but it was hard to tell you when my heart still hurt so much. As time went on, you became so important. You sacrificed your time, no matter what you called it, for someone like me, and I wanted to have the same kind of relationship with you that I did with Miku, where we could trust each other with everything.” Hibiki takes a shaky breath to steady herself. “I guess that was one reason why I was so hurt when you started avoiding me, after that first battle. I selfishly pushed my ideals onto you, and when I realized you wouldn’t talk to me about what was bothering you, I was angry. Of course,” She places her palm against my chest, feeling my heartbeat, “I never imagined that you were in love with me, that you were ashamed that you wanted more. I wanted to be important to you, but your confession stunned me.” Sighing softly, she finishes with “You know the rest.”

Raising her chin, I gently kiss her, pouring out my love for her, for this wonderful girl that I was lucky enough to meet. Fate was cruel, but, in moments like this, I realize that it may all have been leading us to this point. Without our struggles and loss, we may never have found each other, living out our lives along separate paths. “Come on, let’s get some sleep. Your train leaves early.” Though she voices her disappointment, Hibiki agrees, snuggling against me once again. Sighing, I hold her close, her body pressed against mine in a warm, comforting way. Though exhausted from our earlier activities, I remain awake for a time after Hibiki falls asleep, her steady breathing a reminder that she remains with me. Brushing my lips against her hair, I vow to give her happiness, regardless of how much time we have left. _I may end up alone again, but until that time, I live for you, my precious idiot._

[1] Hooray for _kanji_! Chris’ last name, Yukine, uses two _kanji_, one of which is the _kanji_ for “snow”.


	10. Heart's Fire

_A special day nears, so I want to give her something. A token of love, made with my own hands, but can I do it right, or…?_

I greet an early February morning with grainy eyes, having slept little the night before. Thoughts of today kept my mind turning, worrying instead of getting much-needed rest. Groaning, I drag my exhausted body out of bed to ready for classes. Cold water clears some of the fog from my mind, hopefully enough to focus. _I don’t want to get scolded today. I have something important to do, and that would only waste time._ Once dressed, I hesitate for a moment before placing a small box on the table. A soft knock heralds the arrival of the recipient, but now is too early to give it to her. Nervous, I linger just a moment too long, for a second, louder knock is accompanied by her irritated voice. “Hey, idiot! Wake your ass up already! We’re going to be late!” _Her language is terrible when she’s tired._

Opening the door shortly after, I give Chris a tired greeting. “Morning.”

“‘Morning’ my ass. If you were awake, you should have said something.” Motioning toward the main building, she urges me forward, her knit brow accenting her scars. “Let’s go.” A glint of silver on her wrist warms my heart. The bracelet she wears is my return gift for the necklace she gave me, which I rarely remove. Borrowing a page from her book, I choose one adorned with flower ornaments[1]. Though I doubt Chris will forget about me, I hope that it will ease her loneliness if I lose to the curse burrowing deeper into my body. Of course, it may bring pain as well, but she accepts that risk. What waits in my room, however, is something I can only give her today, so I am incredibly nervous. After a few moments, I quietly break the silence between us.

“Um, Chris?” _I hope I can say this right._

“What is it?”

“Could you meet me after class?”

“Sure, but why are you so nervous? We meet each other all the time.” _I should have guessed. She has no idea what day it is._

“That’s not important right now. Come to my room after class. Bye!” Hastily retreating, I fail to catch Chris’ confused shout, thoughts spinning through my mind. Only once I take my seat do I relax, though not much. _This is going to be harder than I thought. I’ll probably need to explain what this whole day is even about…_

“Someone seems thoughtful.” The cheerful voice in my ear startles me, and I fall out of my seat before I realize who spoke.

“Yumi-chan, it’s not nice to sneak up on me like that.” Itaba Yumi’s bright laughter is joined by my other friends’, Andō Kuriyo and Terashima Shiori. “Besides, I have a lot to think about today.”

“Right? Bikki is giving chocolate to the one she likes.” Kuriyo-chan leans closer, “So? Care to tell us who it is?”

“I admit, I am curious as well, Tachibana-san.” Shiori-chan joins the other two, further increasing the pressure on me. “You never talked about them before, so I was surprised when you came to us for help.”

“It’s weird.” Yumi-chan’s short stature fails to diminish the force of her eyes. “You leave the campus on weekends, but I only ever see you with Chris.” My heart hammers in my chest, hoping they miss the pieces of the puzzle that lie right before them. “I wouldn’t think you have time to go around picking up guys.”

“Hey, maybe it _is_ Kinechri.” _Oh no, please don’t let them figure this out._ Kuriyo-chan hits too close to home for comfort.

“Don’t be ridiculous. This isn’t some _yuri_ development.” Yumi-chan’s otaku mind fails her this time, though I appreciate her attempt to steer the conversation in another direction. “It’s probably some guy she got to know somehow…”

“Andō-san makes a good point, Itaba-san.” Shiori-chan chimes in just when I start to relax. “Yukine-san played a large part in helping Tachibana-san recover, and they spend a lot of time together.” She turns to me, her long, light hair framing a serious expression. “So, what is the answer, Tachibana-san?” _They aren’t going to let this rest, are they?_ Sighing in defeat, I motion everyone closer.

“Can all of you promise to keep that I told you this a secret, even from the person in question?” My three friends nod, completely serious. “It’s… It’s true, what Kuriyo-chan said. I’m in love with Chris,” They gasp in unison, only to be rendered speechless, “and, the truth is… we’re dating.” Closing my eyes, I avoid looking at them. Several moments of silence cause me to open one eye, and I am greeted by three very surprised faces.

“So, she… Yukine-san… loves you, as well?” I can hardly blame Shiori-chan for being skeptical. I understand both how fortunate my situation is and how ridiculous that sounds with Chris’ personality, yet I would replace it with nothing else.

“Yeah.” My tone softens as thoughts of Chris fill my mind. “In truth, she fell in love with me first,” Another surprised gasp, “then things happened, she confessed to me, and I decided to accept. It took me a while to figure everything out, but I don’t regret my decision at all.” Feeling a hand on my shoulder, I bring my focus back. The hand belongs to Kuriyo-chan.

“You don’t need to say any more, Bikki. Your face says everything.”

“I agree, though I never would have thought something like this would happen to one of my friends…” Yumi-chan trails off, muttering about how my life is far too “like an anime” to be fair.

“Do not worry, Tachibana-san. Your secret is safe with us.” Shiori-chan’s soft voice reassures me, and I finally breathe easier.

“Thank you, everyone.” Our teacher’s arrival signals an end to the trio’s interrogation, and an unwelcome beginning to classes. Somehow, I manage to make it through the day with minimal trouble, despite my fatigue and constant worrying. I slowly walk back to my room, dreading, yet anticipating, what comes next. Eyes on the ground, I fail to notice that I am not the first to arrive.

“Hey, dumbass. You’ll run into something if you keep your eyes down there.” Heart leaping, my eyes snap to Chris, leaning against the wall next to my door. “If this is about what I think, I’ll warn you that it won’t be easy to avoid notice this early in the day.” My face heats, and my ears burn. _Did she think…?_ Vigorously waving my hands in denial, I correct her.

“No, no, no. This isn’t about _that_,” My voice drops to a quiet mutter, “though, that wouldn’t be bad, either.”

“What was that? I didn’t hear you.”

“Nothing!” Grabbing Chris’ hand, I quickly pull her inside, warily checking the hall to see if anyone saw, or worse _heard_, us. Closing the door, I lean against it. “Safe!”

“You’re acting weird. What’s going on?” Chris’ eyes alight on the box resting on the table. “What’s that?”

“Wait!” I quickly move to Chris, hugging her from behind to halt her. “It won’t mean anything if you don’t know what today is.”

“Today?” Chris sounds confused, but her face is turned away from me. “It’s February 14th, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Is today special?”

“Yeah…” _I knew it._

“Why?” Turning Chris around, I search her eyes. I find genuine confusion along with worry, that she may be forgetting something important to me, or to _us_. “What’s wrong? You seem depressed.”

“I am, a little, because the only reason you don’t know what today means is because of your past.” A tear silently slides down my cheek before Chris wipes it away. “This would be so much easier if you already knew, but I won’t…” Shaking my head, I ask her, “Have you heard of Valentine’s Day?”

“Some of the girls in my class mentioned it, why?”

“It’s a day where girls give chocolate to the ones they like, a declaration of their feelings.” Stepping around Chris, I retrieve the box from its place. “Sometimes, the gift is obligatory, for friends, but the important ones always go to someone special.” Holding it out to her, I continue explaining. “It means even more if you make them by hand.” Hesitantly, Chris takes the gift from me, opening it to see the chocolates inside.

“Wow, these look terrible.” I wince in reaction to her harsh words, but I cannot argue. Cooking has never been my strong point, and I barely managed these, even with help from my friends. Taking one, Chris tosses it into her mouth, chewing slowly. I wait, expectant, until she swallows, saying “They pass, but just barely.”

“Oh, good.” I waver as tension drains from my body. “I was worried…” Staggering forward, Chris catches me before I fall.

“You’re exhausted. Have you been sleeping?” Her violet eyes and scarred face hide nothing, her worry plain. “Is it Gungnir?”

“No, it’s nothing that serious.” Chris guides me to sit on the bed, where she joins me. “Just the sleeplessness of wondering whether my girlfriend will like what I give her.” She takes my hand in hers, so I give it a comforting squeeze. “I want to do so much for you, but I have so little time-”

“Hush.” Chris softly silences me. “This isn’t the time to talk about that.” Releasing my hand, she embraces me. “You might have more time than we think, but even if you don’t, I will be happy with whatever you _can_ give me. Although, you should probably leave cooking to me.” I laugh softly as her normal personality slips into her words.

“I have to ask: why _did_ you decide to learn how to cook?” Chris’ sudden hobby confuses me, and I finally have a good opportunity to ask her about it.

“Well, it’s… embarrassing.” Chris gently pushes away from me, her cheeks flushed. “If you do survive, despite everything, I want to be capable enough to take care of you on my own.” Taking a deep breath, she speaks softly. “Basically, I’m training to be a housewife, as strange as that seems.” My heart overflows, and I cannot resist asking the question burning in my mind.

“Chris, you want to be my wife?”

“Isn’t that what I’ve been saying from the beginning?” Chris grips my hands tightly. “Hibiki, I want to stay by your side. I want to _belong_ there, like it’s natural for us to be that way.” Her eyes close as she journeys into her heart. “I’ve wanted that for a long time. I still do, so I hope, against all odds, that it can happen. I’ve never wanted something so much, not even my misguided solution to saving the world.” Her eyes open, their violet depths meeting mine. “Meeting you changed me, in ways neither of us expected, and I expect I will keep changing as time goes on. Your cheerful idiocy saved me, and your bright smile captured my heart.” Chris’ expression falls, but quickly hardens, determination overriding her anxiety.

“If I lose you to Gungnir, it will be hard. It might take a long time, but I _will_ recover. I was angry with you before, for asking to promise you this, but I understand now. However,” Her voice drops to a whisper, “I can’t promise to fall in love with someone else if you die. My heart is too fragile, and I don’t think I could heal enough to risk that pain again.” Freeing my hands, I pull Chris into a crushing hug, halting her speech. “Hibiki?”

“I’m happy, but also sad, and a little angry.” Sighing, I speak softly. “My feelings are so complicated around you. There’s always so much going on inside me that I don’t know what to think or say, but” I push back from her, “let’s stop all this depressing talk. It gives me a headache, and it’s not what today is for.” Chris appears shocked, then softly laughs.

“What am I going to do with you?” She smiles for me, that warm, soft smile she reserves for me alone. “I should know better by now, but you never cease to surprise me.” Taking the box of chocolate in hand, she eats another, slowly savoring it, despite the mediocre taste. “I’ll enjoy these for now, but I might need something else to satisfy me.” My face ignites, yet Chris simply laughs. “You’re too easy to tease with that.”

“Well, it’s not something… that’s easy to forget.” Nor would I want to. The memories of our Christmas are some of my most cherished, and embarrassing. I surprised myself in many ways that night, while Chris surprised me in others. _She is so strong, but she doesn’t realize it._ Chris talks about how fragile her heart and mind are, yet she overcame years’ worth of trauma and hardship to satisfy our mutual desires, and, even before that, she held strong to the feelings in her heart, though she believed that achieving her happiness was impossible. Chris never gives up on her love for me, only her confidence in herself, though I believe she is getting better in that aspect. A cool hand on my cheek brings my eyes up, and soft lips meet mine. _Tastes like chocolate._ The kiss lasts a short moment, but I felt what it meant: _Thank you_.

“Hey, Chris?”

“Yeah?” Her response is light and unguarded. Several months ago, the opposite was true, but much has changed over that relatively short span of time.

“Can we just sit for a while? Just sit and enjoy each other’s company?”

“Hmm…” Chris’ quiet musing is short-lived, “I would love that, but” she meets my eyes, “I have a better idea.” Scooting away, she pats her lap. “You need some sleep.”

“A-Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t suggest it otherwise.” She pats her lap again. “Come.” Nervous, I lay my head in Chris’ lap, trying to avoid thinking about how soft her thighs are. “How is it?”

“I’m nervous, but it feels nice.” Looking up, my view of her face is mostly blocked. “I can’t see your face, though, so it could be better.”

“That’s enough,” Chris’ command is light, unoffended, “I know they’re big, alright? No need to remind me all the time.” Softly laughing, I close my eyes, relishing the sensation of her fingers brushing through my hair. “We need to figure out how to tame this, one of these days.”

“Well, we have plenty of time.” Chris remains silent for a time, but, just before I doze off, I hear her murmur.

“I hope so, Hibiki. I truly do.” Her voice follows me into darkness, my heart content.

When I wake, only a couple hours passed. Pages turning alerts me to Chris’ activities. “What are you reading?”

“Nothing major.” Her free hand strokes my hair once again. “Studying up on some techniques.” I dread asking of what “techniques” she studies, but my curiosity overwhelms me. “Just various ways to make you mine.” Her distracted tone skews my perception of her words, and my heart races in response.

“Should you really be reading that with me right here?”

“Hmm?” A few moments pass before Chris realizes what she said. “Ah. No, no. That isn’t what I’m reading about. It’s about cooking techniques.” Soft laughter colors her words. “You love food so much; I didn’t think before I spoke. I figured this is one way of making you mine.” Chris closes the book before stretching, so I sit up, feeling refreshed, though not completely rested. “Feeling better?”

“Yeah, a little.” Looking to the table, I sigh heavily. “I suppose I should start on homework.”

“That makes two of us. I’ve indulged enough for a while.” Chris leans over to hug me before standing, grabbing her chocolates. “Thank you for these, and for taking the time to explain.” Her eyes shadow slightly. “It can’t be easy, loving and dating someone that understands so little about normal things like this.”

“That doesn’t matter, Chris. I’m glad you like them.” She snorts derisively. “Alright, fine. I’m glad I didn’t mess up too badly.”

“That’s better.” Hand on the doorknob, Chris calls over her shoulder, “Good luck on your homework.” Once she leaves, I fall onto my side, enjoying her lingering scent and her warmth for a few moments before starting on my schoolwork. My study habits are better lately, thanks to Chris’ determined efforts to get more time together. Her logic is that if I reduce the amount of make-up work and remedial lessons, we will have more time together when it matters, though we lose some time while we attend to our separate workloads. _I never thought I would want this so much that I regret that our ages are different_. If Chris was just one year younger, we could potentially be in the same class. I could be around her much more, and we could sing together, outside of battle.

Though I rarely hear it, Chris’ voice is beautiful when not powering Ichaival. It fills my heart with joy when she quietly hums or sings to herself, usually while doing schoolwork or cooking. She told me she hated singing, but she truly enjoys it, probably more so since we became a couple. Every time I hear her, I hope that Chris is a little closer to finding the joy I desperately want to give her, especially now that my time is limited. _There’s nothing I want more than to see her smile a true, brilliant smile, full of joy and light. Her heart is still so dark, but I think I’m making progress. I just don’t know if I’m moving fast enough._ Shaking the thoughts away, I focus once more on my work, despite how much I dislike it.

About three hours later, a quiet knock interrupts me while I ready for bed. Curious, I answer, already changed for the night. Ash-blonde hair catches my eye as Chris hugs me, also dressed very casual and comfortable. “Whoa! Chris? Why are you here?”

“I did some research after my work was done, and I found something interesting.” She looks up as I close the door, her scarred features mischievous and eyes twinkling. “Apparently, I’m supposed to return the gift I received today, correct?”

“Um, yeah? But that isn’t until next month on White Day.” _Chris is smart enough to figure that out, so why…?_

“That’s too long.” Quickly dismissing proper Valentine’s/White Day etiquette, Chris presses against me, whispering “Take me.”

My entire body heats and my face erupts in crimson at her seductive tone. “A-Ah… Umm… Y-You know, Chris-” She silences me gently with a finger against my lips.

“Hush, Hibiki.” Whenever Chris uses my name, I sense the great amount of love behind her words and actions. She still refuses to use it too often, but, in moments like these, it signals that she is very serious about what she says and does. “Honestly, I was excited all day. I acted like usual, that it was going to be a huge pain if you actually wanted to have sex again,” _She says that so easily, it’s embarrassing,_ “then I discovered that what awaited was something I never planned for but was still wonderful.” Chris lifts herself up the short distance to kiss me, her breath hot and her kiss passionate. “However,” Taking my hand, she presses it into one ample breast, “now that I’m all excited, I ache to feel your touch, to give myself to your passion and fire, so please,” she whispers seductively into my ear, “make me yours again.” Rational thought abandons me as my lips meet hers, for I am more than willing to accept her gift.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

_I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this._ Haze clouds my thoughts, yet the warmth at my side quickly clears it away. Chris, eyes closed as she presses against me, is awake, but I want to give her a little time to herself. _She gives me so much of her time, she deserves some for herself._ Granted, I asked, practically begged, her to attend to me during our… session, and she was eager to oblige. The effects on my mind and body still linger but considering that time for her seems… wrong. We shared that time _together_, so she should have some quiet time to relax and indulge.

_I want to give her times like this more often._ The quiet atmosphere and Chris’ warmth prompts a thoughtful streak. _I want to survive this, so I can give her plenty of calm, quiet times where she can simply enjoy herself. Chris has lived for so long surrounded by hate, violence and lies. I wish, with everything I am, that she can be free from fighting someday, to live a quiet, peaceful, _normal_ life, hopefully with me at her side._ Glancing over, her facial scars are hidden against the pillow, but a small section of scarring on her shoulder is visible above the comforter. _I never imagined this could happen to me. I thought my life was tough, but I pushed through it for my family, though Miku helped a lot. Then, I lost her, my warm sunshine and friend, and almost killed you, Chris. I felt like everything I care about was bound to be taken away from me, but you came back, pushed me to be strong, and lent me the strength to heal. You helped me remember that, no matter what happens, people have the strength to stand up again, though they sometimes need help._

“You seem thoughtful.” Curious violet eyes meet mine. “What are you thinking about?”

“A lot of things.” Looking up, my eyes lose focus as I look inward. “I’m thinking about how I never imagined this could happen to me. I never really cared about finding love before. I was alright with making it through life without too much trouble or effort, and the fact that it’s you, Chris, still amazes me.”

“The feeling is mutual, trust me.” Chris snuggles closer. “I still can’t believe I fell in love with an idiot like you.”

“Hey!” Chris’ warm chuckle eases any offense.

“I’m joking. This whole situation is so different. In less than a year, I was saved from a misguided goal, found people I can trust and call my friends,” Her voice softens, growing quiet, “and I found the one I always want to be with. I never wanted to fall in love. It seemed like a huge waste of time whenever I heard my classmates talk about their troubles.” Her gentle touch guides my gaze back to her. “Yet, here I am, deeply in love with someone and wishing to spend the rest of my life with her.”

“Chris,” The question I need to ask has burned in my mind for a long time, “do you regret that we can’t get married?” She tenses briefly, but quickly relaxes, sighing.

“I suppose I do. Even if we could, it’s too early for that, but in the future…” Chris’ violet eyes close for a moment, “it would be nice. I’m normally against flashy, unnecessary events, but I wouldn’t mind telling the world that I am forever yours.” Another question flashes through my mind, something I never considered.

“So, if we could get married, who would take whose name?” Chris appears confused for a moment before realization dawns on her.

“You know, that’s actually a good question, especially from you.” My false pout only receives a short, quiet laugh. “I’m kidding. Hmm…” A few quiet seconds pass, “I guess that would be up to us.”

“Then, I would take yours.” Trying it out, I cannot avoid puffing up, slightly proud with my idea. “Yukine Hibiki.” Chris winces, her response harsh.

“That sounds awful.” Deflating, I mutter to myself about how I thought it was a good idea. “There’s another problem with that.” Chris’ light tone pulls my attention back, and she wears a small smirk. “It’s a little too noisy, don’t you think[2]?” _Seriously? She’s making _puns_ now?_ Groaning, I cover my face with the comforter, Chris’ soft laughter following me. She gently guides the blanket back down, her tone becoming gentler. “You know, I would rather take yours. ‘Yukine’ doesn’t really mean much to me anymore, though I have found some peace with my parents’ memory.” She softly kisses my cheek. “‘Tachibana Chris’ sounds more like the person I want to be.”

“W-Well, I guess it doesn’t matter that much, since we can’t get married anyway.” Flustered, I desperately try to guide the conversation to safer, less embarrassing topics. Picking up on my nervousness, Chris lets the topic shift, and we talk about simpler things for a while.

“I should get back to my room.” Chris sits up, exposing herself as the comforter falls away. “It might start rumors if we were seen leaving the same room in the morning.” Realizing that getting dressed involves a search for her clothing, she softly curses to herself, moving about naked to gather her underwear first. _Yeah, it’s a good thing Chris thought to lock the door, because there’s no hiding what happened with clothes and underwear thrown about like that._ My eyes follow her, lingering even after she finishes dressing. “What are you looking at?”

“My beautiful girlfriend.” The words fly from my mouth, and I flush crimson once I realize what I said. Stunned, Chris simply stares for a few seconds. Eventually, her small smile forms, but something is different about it, tonight. Where warmth usually shows through, a small bit of light, a tiny piece of true happiness, joins it. _It’s working. Whatever it is I’m doing, the darkness in Chris’ heart is slowly disappearing._

“You really are hopeless…” Chris returns to the bedside, leaning in to kiss me. Heedless of my nudity, I eagerly oblige. The kiss is soft and gentle, but I sense the swirling emotions in our hearts: love, passion, anxiety, fear, determination, and more. Neither of us know how long we can be together, and my goal is still unmet. Though a small piece of happiness showed through, I have a lot of work ahead of me to see Chris’ true, joyful smile; to hear her pure and heartfelt laughter, and I have so little time. Maybe I can conquer fate, maybe I fail in the attempt and die, leaving Chris alone, but I will do _everything_ possible to fill her heart with light. Releasing, Chris whispers gently before leaving. “Good night, Hibiki.” As the door shuts behind her, I contemplate the future, and whether I have enough time to give my beloved what she truly deserves.

**Fin**

[1] The second _kanji_ in Hibiki’s last name, Tachibana, is the _kanji_ for “flower”.

[2] This joke is difficult to visualize for English speakers, and it took me quite some time to learn how to employ it. Chris’ last name uses the _kanji_ for “snow” and one of a few for “sound”, while Hibiki’s first name is a single _kanji_ representing “echo, sound, resound”, so Chris is joking about the excessive amount of sound-related _kanji_ in that configuration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to those of you who made it this far. I swear, the length of these was not intentional. This whole project has turned into a much larger endeavor than I originally planned, and I can only hope the readers are enjoying it as much as I am. Regarding a G rewrite (as some of you have mentioned), I have no idea how I might handle that, so I wanted to extend a hand to the community as a whole, as I have two thoughts regarding it. First, I could time it after Part 1 (Spark and Tinder) to better preserve the overall timeline of the series, or I could time it after this one, which would offset it by a few months, but provide a nice wrap-up to the entire Song of Embers. Any input is greatly appreciated, but in the meantime, the original idea I had for Part 3 is kicking my ass, so this series will be on hiatus for a while. I'm taking the opportunity to work on several shorter one-shots for a kind of "anthology" within Symphogear regarding characters that I can personally see as having varying aspects of asexuality, aromanticism, and demi-romanticism, since that topic is actually what I'm much more familiar with. Thanks again to all who read this, and stay safe.


End file.
